it wasn’t just the timing belt that broke…

So this morning I was happily making my way to work.  I had the radio on, I wasn’t being rushed, I knew it was going to be an easier day at work so why not be happy about it?  I mean so many other things in my life are going wrong right now, but my commute to work wasn’t one of them.  I don’t have to get on I95 at all, and pretty much all traffic is going towards DC as I’m going in the opposite direction.  My drive is beautiful country.  It’s my free time.  I look forward to it.  What I wasn’t looking forward to this morning was the CLUNK noise my car made then losing power and coasting off to the side of the road.  WTF!!!  No, no, no, no, no, no… NOOOOOO.. I can’t afford car problems right now, I can barely pay my rent.



First call- to my hubby.  Second call- Insurance company for our road side service.  I had to explain to “Debra” several times that there were no cross roads where I was.. it was just a straight road, and that I was by the Occoquan River.  She insisted on a cross road.  So I tell her I passed “Hoadley Rd” several miles back.  Okay, she’s sending a wrecker to come get me. By now 10 cops have flew by me never stopping to ask if I needed help.  A**holes.  Finally one stops.  I am finishing up the call with the insurance company, he gives specifics on my location (he added west bound).  He asks me what happened, I explain and tell him my husband is on the way as well as a wrecker.  Ok, he leaves.  An hour later the wrecker service calls and says “He’s on Hoadley Rd but can’t find you”.. THATS BECAUSE I’M NOT ON HOADLEY ROAD YOU IDIOT.. THAT WAS THE CROSS ROAD, HE HAS TO KEEP COMING WEST BOUND….


Finally he gets there.. tells us to head on to the shop, that it wasn’t safe for us to sit on the side of the road… ummm.. okay we’ve already been here for 1 1/2 hours.. whats 5 more minutes.  But thats okay because by now I have to pee so badly my eyeballs are popping out.  We get to the shop, first thing first.. the bathroom… which has a toilet full of vomit and a broken flusher.. FUCK.. I’ll hold it… get the car dropped off and get my husband home and use our bathroom thank you Jesus!!!  I’m trying to hold it together hoping like hell it’s not a huge fix.. that its something minor because I just can’t handle anything huge.  The car shop calls.. it’s huge.. it’s like $800 huge… I don’t have $800… the only thing in my mind now is ….

Image Good feeling gone…


In that moment when he tells me whats all wrong with the car and how much it’s going to cost to fix… It wasn’t just the timing belt that broke in my car.. it was something in me that broke as well.. and just like my car when it broke it tore up other things.  My chest hurts now, my head hurts, my shoulders hurt, my stomach hurts.  I just feel so defeated.  I’m so over everything.  I’m tired of trying just to get thrown back on the ground….



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