Everyday is a new battle…

All I wanted to do when I was younger was have a baby.  The thought of a growing miracle in my tummy just enamored me in so many ways.  I of course didn’t think of the delivery itself, just the rewards of having a baby.  So when I found out I was pregnant a few weeks before my 26th birthday I was ecstatic.  I had wanted a baby so much sooner then I had my first, but God realized I could not have handled my son any younger then I was.  My beautiful baby boy was born via emergency C-Section.  I thought he was perfect.  I should have known though that simply by the way he had entered this world he was going to be a handful.


That’s my precious bundle of energy right there!  I had no idea of what lay ahead of me, and no one could have warned me for the intense emotional roller coaster I was on now!  I noticed something was wrong with Jonathan early on, like at 7 days old!  I had just fed him and was laying him in his crib for his nap when he made this God awful sound as he projectile vomited across the crib, me and room.  How can something so small do something so fierce?  Needless to say I did not sleep that night and was at the doctors first thing the next morning.  After a few test they said he had severe reflux and was put on medicine.  It didn’t do much to stop the constant vomiting.  I swear for 7 months that child threw up more then he ate, but he managed to grow and gain weight so the dr’s weren’t worried.  I learned to wear towels over my shirts at all times! They said he would outgrow it, and they were kinda right.  At 7 months he suddenly stopped throwing up with every meal, which was a nice break for me.  However the child continued to throw up for the first 5 1/2 years of his life.  The sight of people eating, the smell of food in restaurants or the school cafeteria would set him off.  It was so bad that K-5th grade he was not allowed to eat in the cafeteria because he would throw up.

Around 9 months old I started having such a difficult time getting him to take naps.  It got to the point where if I got him to sleep during the day he would sleep for maybe 15 mins and then would be up until 2 or 3 am.  Which would have been okay if he slept after that but he didn’t.  He’d be up and raring to go by 5 or 6 am.  I was EXHAUSTED!  Of course his father was no help, never was, never will be.  Fast forward 5 yrs to kindergarten.  His teacher called me EVERY freaking day complaining.  “You need to medicate this child” is all I heard.  At the time I didn’t believe in medicating children, even though I had a nephew on meds.  To me it was a last resort that I wasn’t ready to take, but the school left me no choice.  So I took him to the pediatrician who informed me he knew at 2 yrs old (when we found this particular doctor) that my son had ADHD, there was just nothing he could do about it at the time because he was too young.  He put him on medication and sent me to a psychiatrist to determine what level of medication he needed to be on.  Now his hyperactivity was not the worst part of what was going on in Jon’s head.  He was such a loving child but at the same time the most annoying person you’d ever met.  He argue with you on EVERYTHING.  I mean everything.  He knew the sky was blue, but if you said “Hey Jonathan, look at the pretty blue sky” he’d say “It’s not blue it’s green!”.  He argued for the sake of arguing. Come to find out, it’s called ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and he had it.  He was in fact the most severe case of it and ADHD his Dr had ever seen, so much so he wrote papers on him.


How can someone as cute as that be so difficult?  I had no one to help me, the Dr’s hadn’t seen anything this severe ever.  My family was thousands of miles away.  The more they determined about Jonathan the more medication they put him on.  Every day the school called to say he needed more medication.  It got so severe that we had to hospitalize him at 6 yrs old in a mental facility for 18 days.  He tried to take a baseball bat to his fathers head.  We later found out that it was all the medications in his system, his blood was toxic.  So they took him off several medications and got the levels where they should be, but it was still a never ending battle.


My son is now fixing to turn 15 in a few short weeks.  He’s been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, OCD traits, No executive skills and all of them are listed as severe.  His step father is at his wits end trying to figure out a way to deal with him altogether.  I’m heartbroken because he is such a loving intelligent kid but because of his disorders he is making his life so much harder then it has to be and I see where it’s heading and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.  I love my son so much.  I see a lot of me in him, I see a lot of his sperm donor in him. (his bio-dad has nothing to do with him anymore).  But there’s so much in there that we don’t understand, the “specialist” don’t understand it either.

If anyone had ever told me how difficult having a child would have been for me… well knowing me I’d still have had him!  My daughter doesn’t seem to have any of these problems (she has the same father too).  Except maybe a touch of ADHD, but her’s is controlled.  The following prayer is something I pray all the time.

Dear God, please grant me the understanding that I need to help my son get past his handicaps and help him become the man I know he can be.  Help Rob (my husband) find the footing he needs to be the best dad he can be to Jonathan instead of arguing with him all the time.  Help my square peg fit into this round world.  Let him find friends and know how it feels to be accepted.  In your name I pray.. Amen


2 thoughts on “Everyday is a new battle…

  1. He is definitely a handful and dificult at times to deal with. I know there is a good kid in there, I think he lets his stuborness get in his way too often instead of doing what he knows he is supposed to. Yes he has these disabilities but they don’t control every aspect of him. One day it will click with him and he’ll realize he needs to change the things he can and accept the things he can’t. And thank you for the prayer, I do need it.

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