Holy cow, where does the time go? It doesn’t feel like 15 years has gone by since the day I got to meet the man who would forever change my life! His name is Jonathan, but he’s always been my bubby and always will be. He is my son and today he turns 15. Some days it feels like just yesterday he was beating my bladder into oblivion, then other days it feels like he should be married with kids of his own suffering the curse I put upon him. You know the curse; we’ve all heard it. “I hope you have a kid JUST like you!” Yup, that’s the one and yup, I put it on him soon after he learned to walk and talk. You gotta feel sorry for his future wife.
If you’ve read my blog’s you know that my son is a special needs child. He has severe ADHD, severe ODD, OCD traits and no executive skills. But beyond his labels, he’s so much more. He has a heart of gold (although now it’s hidden under that moody teenage exterior), he has my sense of humor and he is destined for great things, if only he’d learn to shut up and listen when people are trying to help him.
My pregnancy was not picture perfect, in fact it was a lot of bed rest and spotting and fearing miscarriage, gestational diabetes and stress. I remember the night my water broke, I had just put a pan of spaghetti in the oven to bake and I was starving and couldn’t wait to dig in. That’s one of my most favorite dinners and I had planned on eating even though I wasn’t supposed to have the carbs. I didn’t have another doctor’s appt for a week so he wouldn’t know I cheated. I got it in the oven and dashed off to the bathroom, something I did quite often through that entire pregnancy because that baby never got off my bladder! To my complete surprise (and the timing was absolutely PERFECT) my water broke on the potty. Seriously. My first thought.. “Awwww dammit, now I can’t eat”. I told you I was hungry! Off to the hospital we went, even though I hadn’t had the first contraction. I was terrified of getting caught in the construction on the way to the hospital and delivering on the side of the road.
We get to the hospital, they check to make sure my water did break (which it did) and they admit me. Coincidentally today is the 15 yr anniversary of my first enema too, but we won’t discuss that! After 2 hours of nothing they give me Petocin to kick start the labor. Oh what a joyous drug this is, not. To go from nothing to full strength contractions in mere moments… you’d think by now I would have blocked that memory. Well fast forward 22 hours and guess what, that’s right nothing! I was stuck at 2 cm and Jon’s heart rate was dropping to the critical levels, emergency C-Section for me! The short length from the hospital room I was in to the surgery room was by far the scariest thing I’d ever been through. I even told the nurse I was near hysteria because of the fear. She assured me everything was going to be fine and held my hand. A few moments later they handed me the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. He was overdue and looked like he was sunburned around his mouth and eyes, his little foot bent a strange way. The doctor told me his foot would be fine, he was just squished in my tummy because of his size and the size of my pelvis. He was 9 lbs 15 oz and 21 ½ inches long. When I finally got to my room and they brought him to me to feed he was crying and rooting and so impatient that I giggled and said to him “you’re a little butthead aren’t you”.. little did I know.
It’s not 15 years later and he and I have been through so very much together. I love this child so much. He’s my square peg in this round world. My heart aches as I watch him trying to desperately fit in. He still holds my heart in his not so little hands anymore that look just like mine. He does things and says things that make prouder then a peacock or angrier then a gorilla. He is my son. He is from me and he couldn’t be anymore loved. My prayer for him is to finally find his place in the world, find the love a good woman who will understand him and friends who will stand beside him always.