Killing myself for what?




So this last January I hit my surgeon’s goal weight of 150 lbs.  Thats a full 117 lbs lighter then my heaviest weight ever.  Since I hit that I’ve not been able to get below it no matter what, and it’s annoying as hell!  I am obsessed with the scale.  I check my weight 3 or 4 times a day some days.  I know if I eat anything I’ll gain a pound (and trust me when I say I cannot eat a pound of anything) and it happens, every time.  Take this morning for example.  I weighed in at 150.4 lbs, all  I had this morning was my oj and half of a protein shake.  I started feeling shaky and remembered that I hadn’t really eaten so I made myself 2 scrambled egg’s (which I did not finish) and weighed myself again about 4 hours later.  Yup, up too 151.8!  How the hell do you gain over a pound eating less then 2 scrambled eggs?  It boggles my mind!

damn you scale!! your suppose to go the other way


I have been on vacation this past week and I swore that I was going to work my ass off and be down to at least 148 lbs when I went back to work tomorrow.  This past week I have walked /ran approximately 19-20 miles.  I’ve done some strength training (not too much as I’m not wanting to build muscle until I get the scale where I want it).  The walking has been different everytime.  Some was my normal walk on the trails (a few hills), some was on the new trail (lots of hills and that one hurt me) today was on the treadmill at an incline of 9.5.  I try to change it all up so that I use different muscles, but yet I cannot get below that 150lb mark.  It’s like there is an invisible force field around that number.  Like it’s an invitation only party that I was not invited too!!!!!  I don’t know if i’ll ever be below that, well at least until I’ve had the surgery to remove the excess skin on my tummy and thighs.  Until then I’ll just have to keep plugging away at it and checking my weight, day after day after day!  Or, go crazy, which ever comes first!



4 thoughts on “Killing myself for what?

  1. I don’t know why you can work so hard and it won’t go down baby. I know it can be frustrating but at some point you will break that barrier and whe you do you’ll see it drop and drop.

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