No matter how hard you try to forget something, or bury it deep in your psyche, it just won’t happen. There has to be a reason on why we can’t forget things we want too, and why we forget the things we don’t. I’d like to know what it is in the human brain that makes these things get crossed and screwed up. Let me give you some examples of what I mean. Example number one… my mother died in 2000. I miss her so much some days my heart literally hurts. I never wanted to forget the sound of her voice or the smile on her face but as time goes on these things are starting to become harder and harder to remember, but yet I still remember the day when I was in the 3rd grade, I wore a skirt to school that day. I felt so pretty and girlie (I never wore skirts) and I was on my way up to the front of the class when I tripped over someone’s book bag and fell. You would think that was embarrassing enough right? Well not for me it wasn’t. No, I had to add to it. Not only did I fall on my face in front of the entire class but I farted when I hit the ground. Not a little poot, or burst of silent air… no.. a full force blow out!!!! Now tell me why I can’t forget that? I have tried to make that memory die, but to no avail.
Another example would be my babies. As they are growing up I am having a harder and harder time remembering the little things like how they looked when they were babies, the sound of their cute little voices, and the smell of their hair after a bath. These are memories that I would never want to forget, memories I wouldn’t trade for all the money in the world. On the other side of that coin is a day I would gladly have a lobotomy to forget. July 9 marks a day that will forever be bored into my minds eye. It’s a day that I would love to never think about again, but it always has a way of popping up into my head when I least expect it. I was sitting by the pool today (melting in the summer heat) and suddenly his face was there, the smell of his breath, the entire memory was there, as vivid as if it happened only yesterday. Why can I not forget this? Why does this memory haunt me but the one’s I want go away? Life is just not fair in this aspect. I guess I should be grateful that I do not have Alzheimer’s and do in fact have memories.
One last example.. I got my hair cut today. It’s so very short. Everyone is telling me how great it looks, but all I see is that little girl in the 6th grade whose mother cut all her hair off and it curled! My hair is so curly right now making that a memory that won’t go away either.