Sometimes I really do think I should have been born a man. I think like a man, I act like a man, I have a man’s sense of humor, the only thing that makes me know I’m not a man (other then the vagina and breast I am in possession of) is the fact I like to do girlie things like get my hair and nails done, go shopping, eat chocolate, oh and my walk.. no man can swish his hips like me! Okay, so I must be a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.
I’ve always been friends with men more then women, always been considered one of the guys. Of course I was one of the guys that the guys could have sex with but still. I’ve been told by more then one guy that I am a totally different breed of woman. They aren’t sure what to make of me. I can sit and talk with guys about anything, sports, drinking, sex, women, other guys, doesn’t matter.
So today I read a blog where it talked about the difference between men and women (sexually) and how men are turned on by visual stimulus and women were turned on by touch and words. That God had made the sexes this way so that we work together better. Hmmmm.. Maybe this is my problem. I am sexually turned on if the wind blows in a different direction, if a hot guy or girl walks by, if I hear the right words, doesn’t matter. I’m an all around stimulus kind of person. I want to be physically attracted to my lover as much as emotionally or spiritually. I don’t want to look at my lover and think “ok, he’s not attractive at all, but he says the right things”.. umm no, that’s not gonna get my motor running. I want to see him standing there and really bad (and by bad I mean pornographic) ideas start running rampantly through my brain. I want to trace the lines down to the happy trail. If it’s a hot blonde chick, I wanna fantasize about what she looks like naked and in the all fours pose. Does this make me a bad woman? Is this why I’ve had so many heartbreaks in my life? Is this why I drive my husband crazy?
Maybe this is why I’ve never been “one of those girls”, or why I’ll never be one of them. I have a mouth and a brain and I’m not afraid to use either of them. I wasn’t raised prim and proper, hell I was raised in a bar (my mom owned one). This is who I’ve always been. I have a dirty mind and I know how to use it. I guess if I listen to the Bible thumpers (and I mean no disrespect to them, if that’s what’s working for them great) I’ll never have that peace in my life because I refuse to be the weaker subservient sex in this life. I have supported my kids alone; I have supported this family while my husband was out of work. I have worked several jobs at once to make ends meet. I do not need to be weaker to anyone. Now saying that, I do like my men to be stronger then me, I don’t wanna be with a 125lb weakling. But just because he’s stronger then me, that doesn’t mean he has to use his strength against me either, just open jars for me, kill a bug or two.. pick me up and carry me to the bedroom..