I do believe that at some point I have mentioned in one of my blogs that I tend to give people who annoy me nicknames. If they really just get under my skin the name tends to be more on the mean side then the funny side. So I figured this morning I would tell you some of the names I’ve come up with for some of the people who really annoy me.
First off there is Fat Bastard. Now after living my entire adult life and most of my childhood overweight I never call anyone fat. I know how badly that little 3-letter word hurts so I try very hard to never ever think this way about anyone. But this ahole just doesn’t give me a choice on calling him names. He is the slimiest sleaze ball ever and does anything and everything he can to cause trouble for everyone he works with. He’s the type who will talk about anyone and everyone behind their backs but be the nicest person to their face. He loves to call the boss and “ask questions” about why someone does something a certain way, in the process planting that seed of doubt in the bosses mind about the job the other person is doing. This way he can come back and say he didn’t “tell” on anyone, he simply asked a question. Sneaky bastard, I hate sneaky people. He weighs easily 300lbs and has often talked about the women he’s “paid” for and the sex was so great, blah blah blah, plus he orders his lunch everyday and everyday I’m disgusted by the amount of food he shoves down his piehole. Someone who is so grossly overweight and in such bad physical health (he’s diabetic and has had several heart attacks. The dr’s have told him there’s nothing they can do he just lives til he dies now) it surprises me that he does nothing to try to make his time left a little less traumatic. So this jackwad gets the name Fat Bastard and everytime he walks into my office I break out into song.. “I want my baby back baby back baby back.. I want my baby back baby back baby back ribs”.. or I’ll say “GET IN MUH BELLY!” Only one other co-worker knows I call him this and of course he laughs with me.
The next one is the co-worker who knows the last one. He’s the resident pervert. He’s offered to pay me to let him suck my toe’s in the past among other things. He’s constantly telling me his sex stories about he and his wife and their swing sessions. Every time I say anything he turns it into a sexual innuendo, which is very annoying. And yes, before anyone says anything I have let management know this and they are working on keeping him out of my office but where I work, sexual harassment is not a big issue for them and it won’t be handled like it would at a real office. You must keep in mind I work at a truck driver training school. Anyways this man has earned the nickname “My gay best friend”. I call him this to reaffirm to him that I do not see him at all in any way shape or form in a sexual way. EVER.
And the last one for today is He-man. Now I do not call him He-man because he has muscles or strength or anything like that, nope it’s quite the opposite. This nimrod called one day last week wanting a new test date, but because he has failed the test 3 times the State of Virginia will not let him test again without being re-certified. This is not our rule, this is a state rule and if you do not have this certificate they will not ever let you test again. I informed this particular individual this and he lost it. He started screaming and yelling at me, telling me how I didn’t understand that he has no money, he’s not working and he cannot afford to pay anymore. I tried to tell him over and over again that this is not our rule but he just did not get it. I even told him that he didn’t have to pay our price for it that he could indeed go to any other school he wanted too, I’d prefer it if he did go somewhere else. By the end of the conversation he had screamed at me several times that he was going to come to the school and kill us all. Well I called my boss and explained to him everything that happened and gave him the guy’s number. Later my boss calls me back and tells me that the guy has calmed down and that he was just upset because I was abusing my power, wait, MY POWER? I HAVE THE POWER!!! (See, he-man reference). Um, honestly I have no power here, never have and never will.
So again.. if you make my list of nicknames you know I don’t really like you.. or I truly love you.. (my kids are bubba and monkey butt and my hubby is baby)..