Way way way way back.. ok now I’ve already started off by making myself feel old! Great. Anyways, way back when I was young and dumb and full of life I found myself involved with a cop who worked for the local Sheriffs Dept. I will admit it, he was married, I was married, yeah yeah.. don’t judge me.. it was a rough rough time in my life. Anyways the sparks between us flew the minute we met, the people who worked with me even said that first day he came in that they knew we would end up a couple because they could feel the electricity between us.
Even his fellow officers would come in and make joking comments to me and to him, and God help us if we were in the same room with these guys.. the joking never stopped!
Now I’m gonna change his name to protect him and well, myself, so for this post I will call him squishy and he shall be mine, he shall be my squishy.. oh wait, sorry my train of thought deterred there for a moment. I will call him Jake. Jake and I both worked the night shifts and saw each other often. We even came up with a code for if we passed each other on the road, we would tap our brakes to signal that we saw one another. 1 tap meant “Hi.. I see ya but I can’t stop”.. 2 taps meant “Hi.. stop now, I need to talk to you” and 3 taps (this was mainly for him) was “Hey.. I’m working, your off and I’m stopping by your place later be home”.. yup it was the booty call before cell phones were popular. 🙂 Now who here doesn’t enjoy a good booty call?
So here’s the main part of this story that I wanted to tell y’all.. not that I was a horrible person having an affair with a married man while I was married and then after I left my husband… again don’t judge… No.. here’s what I wanted to tell you. One day in the early evening, around 6:30ish or so I was in my car heading out towards my mothers bar that she owned. My mom just happened to be with me that day, just my luck. Well as we were coming up the red road I saw my friend w/ benefits coming towards me, yes I could pick his car out a mile away.. As he passed I saw him smiling and realized he was slowing down. I did the 1 tap hoping he would see me but instead I got the 2 tap in return. My heart leaped out of my chest for fear that he would think I was ignoring him and get mad and not come see me later. So I tapped one tap once again, at this point he was not only slowing down but making a UTurn. I knew what he was doing because he had done it before when I didn’t see him pass by, I was looking in my purse for my cigarettes and missed him completely. FFFFUUUDDDGGGEEEE.. (not the word I thought in my head at the time of course).. Please God.. don’t let him do it.. don’t let him do it.. don’t let him.. shoot.. he did..
So there’s my mom starting in on me.. “Were you speeding? How fast were you going? Can you even afford a ticket?”…I’m sitting there hoping that he see’s I’m with my MOTHER and not my roommate/best friend….again.. Shoot.. nope he missed it. He walks up to the car and says “What, you don’t want me to come over later and read you your rights while your handcuffed?”…. I don’t think I could have been more embarrassed.. at least until he bent over to talk directly too me and saw my mother sitting in the passenger seat staring at him with this look like “What did you just say to my daughter?”… I cringe and try desperately to hold back the laughter that is threatening to come out as I see the look of horror and humiliation on Jake’s face.
Jake just kinda stands there dumbfounded, unsure of what to say or do so I introduce him to my mother who is just sitting there with that look on her face. If you knew my mom.. you would be laughing at this moment as you would know the face. After a few moments of awkward conversation he walks away telling me he’ll talk to me later. By now I’m dying. I know my mom, I know how observant she is and true to herself she starts off with “Why are you seeing a married a man??? You know I saw the ring on his finger”…. ugh!!! Nothing like trying to explain that one off.. so I just kinda kept my mouth shut.. yes I can actually do that on occasion, when the mood suits me. So I got the lecture, the I’m so disappointed in you, you know better then this speech… but she ended it with “I love you brat, no matter how many bad choices you make in men!”.
Later that night when Jake stopped by for his “lunch break” all he could say was “Dear God your mother could make the most hardened criminal talk with that look”…hahahahaha.. if he only knew… My mom was famous for that “You aint gettin nothing past me buddy” face…:-)