“I am Adam Lanza’s Mother”

I came across this article this morning and it brought tears to my eye’s.  I could very easily have written this letter myself.. I’ll let you read it then tell you why..



In 1997 I gave birth to a big beautiful baby boy who was almost 2 weeks over due.  I knew within the first week after his birth that something wasn’t normal.  He didn’t sleep like a newborn baby, he was always hungry always moving.  By 10 months old he had stopped taking naps altogether, and on the rare occasions I got him to sleep during the day he would sleep for about 15 minutes then he would be wide awake until 4 in the morning, he’d sleep for an hour to an hour and a half then go full speed until midnight the next night.  I was exhausted.  When the school pitched a fit at 5 yrs old that he needed medication I broke down and took him to his dr and told him what the school had said he told me “I knew he had severe ADHD when he was just 2 but there was nothing I could do for him until he was at least 5”.  This put us on a path of more doctors, more medications more everything.  In the spring of 2002, right after the birth of my daughter my son was no longer my son.  He was something different.  There was no light in his eye’s anymore, his baseball picture looked like a zombie.  His temper rose and with everything we had went through with him, anger was not one of them.  He had never been a violent child, always very loveable and tender hearted and needy, but never angry.  The medications they had him on were enough to kill a horse and even though I complained to the dr’s that I felt they were giving him too much the schools were screaming he wasn’t getting enough.  I was trapped.  One night my son tried to take a baseball bat to my ex husbands head (keep in mind though that he was a violent angry man so it makes sense that Jon did that).  We called his dr who said take him to the hospital on the other side of Houston.  I feared for the life of my newborn baby girl, for my life and my husbands and we admitted our son into a mental institute at the age of 5.  He spent 18 days there getting his medications changed.  They said his blood was toxic from the different cocktails they had him on.  When he left he was on fewer meds but higher doses of things like Depakote and Lithium.  You will never know and understand true pain and anguish until you have to force your 5 year old baby to take drugs that could literally kill him.

When you think of mental illness, is this what...

When you think of mental illness, is this what you see? (Photo credit: JenXer)

Fast forward 10 years and my son is still struggling to fit into this world.  He is my square peg in a round world.  He is down to 4 different medications at a lot lower of a dose.  He takes medications to help his brain turn off so he can sleep, he takes something for depression to help him stay out of fantasy world and in reality and medication for the severe ODD/ ADHD/ OCD TRIATS and the no executive skills.  They have been debating on whether they want to label him with Aspergers or not.  His therapist said she’s thought from the start he had it but the other dr said that even though he show’s all symptoms of it she didn’t believe he had it, that he just “mimicked” it.   My son has a heart of gold but is terrible moody.  He’s still not violent and I do not believe that he could ever hurt anyone intentionally but I bet the mothers of those listed in the article said the same things.

It is time to stop debating on whether or not we need to ban guns, or regulate guns or blame the president or congress.  The fact is we need better health care.  Not just for those who are sick with the flu or cancer but those stricken with mental health issue’s.  Make it easier for people to receive the care they need.  I believe it takes a village to raise a kid.  We should all be looking out for one another.  60 years ago when a child did something wrong it wasn’t uncommon for whatever adult was there to correct them, then tell the parents about it and the parents stood united with the other adult.  The children knew that if they were busted there was consequences.  IT wasn’t all about the parent and people questioning how the parent was well, parenting.. it was about ensuring the child learned wrong from right.  We need to get back to basics.

I would also like to say that I firmly believe that if you look at the rise in mental illnesses in this country, you will see they coincide with the uses of chemicals in our foods.  These chemicals may have been meant to help make food last longer but they are messing with our brains.  Girls are developing at 8 and 9 years old now, BECAUSE OF THE HORMONES INJECTED INTO THE MEATS WE EAT.  My OB/GYN told me when I had Shelby to not let her eat chicken nuggets from any fast food place because of the massive amounts of chemicals they put in the chickens.  Milk should not last 3 to 4 weeks, Bread should not be good for a month either.  Take the chemicals out of the food and I bet the mental illness claims will drop drastically.  Just my opinion though.


14 thoughts on ““I am Adam Lanza’s Mother”

  1. I agree. There need to be more resources for those with mental disabilities and illnesses. Hope the stigma goes away so that those in need of help also reach out to get it. Look at how far we have come with bullying campaigns. It is getting better, but we’re nowhere near where we need to be. I saw a statistic that one in four have a mental illness of some kind.

  2. You have my sympathy and my respect. Some parents would have taken the path of least resistance and continued medicating their child unabated. You’ve tried to do what is best for your son.

    Your road is not an easy one, but there will be many rewards for your love and patience.

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