Is it love or just the grass is greener?

Love heart uidaodjsdsew

Love heart uidaodjsdsew (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is it possible to be “in love” with more then one person at a time? My husband and I have had this conversation more then once and I’m sure at some point we will have it again (we are weird that way).  I’ve often said that it is possible to be in love with more then one person, my husband says it is not.  He believes that you can love more then one person but to be “In Love” the heart can only love one person at a time that way.  I question this because he has also said that if you break it off with someone (for him at least) that the love has died and I don’t agree with that.  If you were truly in love, that love never dies (unless the person you were in love with beat it out of you, like my ex’s).    Even then, I think if you were truly in love or even just loved them then that love never dies, it just changes.

In my own personal experience I have been in love with more then one man at a time.  I had someone in my life that I stayed in love with for years.  Was it a true love for ever?  No, not that kind of love, but it was love.  He and I feel in and out of love many times.  It would go from a “husband/wife” type love to a “very close friend/family” love but the love was always there.  I found myself at a time where I was married to my husband (at that time however I was no longer “In love” with him but did love him) and desperately in love with the other guy.  Life being like it is never set it up for us to be together.

When I met my current husband I knew instantly that this was a totally different love then I had ever felt in my life.  I had found my true soul mate and loved him to the very core (I say loved like that’s changed..lol.. but it hasn’t.. he annoys me but that love is still there and still powerful).  When we first started dating this other man came back into my life and tried to get me to go with him.  I found myself In love with Rob, and still loving the other guy.. so yes, it is possible to be in love with more then one person at a time but the loves are different.  I knew the other guy was not the one, that I loved him but Rob was the one I wanted, that my soul craved and Rob is the one I gave my heart and life too.  The other guy stayed in the shadows as my friend, the love always there until his death.  I know my husband doesn’t like hearing this but he also knows what’s in my heart and knows that even though I loved the other guy.. I have NEVER been in love like I am with him.

Now, the reason I am writing about this morning is because I heard something on the radio that made me think.  The DJ was discussing this very topic and what he said made kind of a light bulb go off in my head, you know.. one of those Ah Ha moments.  He said “Can you truly be in love with more then one person at a time or is more of a “The grass is greener on the other side” kind of thing”.  Then he asked, “If you could have the other person in your life full time, would you still be in love with both people, or is the other person kind of a escape from your life and offers something new and exciting.  This other person isn’t there for the day to day things, the sicknesses, the financial woe’s, the kids being brats, the laundry the chores, they are just on the side and free from daily stress.  They only get a part of you, the good stress free part and “IF” they come into your life full time, is it still this great new love or is it the same?  He went on to say that he thought in the majority of the cases if the person left the first love for the second they quickly found out that it was the same, just with a different person.  That it’s the excitement of something new and not stress laden that makes the individual feel like they are in love.  There is a scientifically proven fact that when we are attracted to someone our bodies give off chemical changes in the brain that in turn fire off the senses causing that “tingly” feeling and in essence tricking the brain into thinking that it is love, when in fact it’s not.  Hmmmmm

English: The Grass is Greener on the Other Sid...

English: The Grass is Greener on the Other Side South of Oaken Wood, Little Bookham preferring the pasture through the fence. Most of the neighbouring fields held grazing. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This made me think back to my own experiences and damn!!!!  It fits.  I mean, I know I loved this guy in my past, I mourn his death and miss him terrible, but maybe, just maybe it wasn’t a “in love” thing… maybe it was a “Grass is greener at the time” thing which is why when the opportunity presented itself for he and I to be together after 15 years of being apart I chose not too.  My heart knew that it would be the same and not that happily ever after I was looking for.  Damn these DJ’s for making me question what I believe in!!!

So here it is.. I’m now on the fence with this one.  I still believe you can love more then one person at a time but.. AND IT’S A BIG BUT… I’m not so sure you can be “IN LOVE” with more then one person at a time… Go ahead baby.. say it.. say I told you so.. I know how you love to say that.

As for my happily ever after??? Well I found it.  Right now it’s hard, I won’t lie.  There are days I want to run away and hide from reality and all it’s meanness and bullying but in the end.. I would not be able to make it day to day without my husband.  He is my love, my heart and my soul and even when we are homeless in a few months.. that love is still going to be there and be as strong as ever..and I cannot imagine my life without him.

Giant 'Happily Ever After' Tag

Giant ‘Happily Ever After’ Tag (Photo credit: AForestFrolic)

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4 thoughts on “Is it love or just the grass is greener?

  1. If you ever emit energy of love it is not possible for it to die.. as for loving more than one.. If you don’t love yourself and another you are missing what love truly is.. Is that not clear or the same thing as loving two at the same time? If you are able to love deeply meaning you embrace the energy that is love! Then know that what you give in that energy still has a lasting effect and will continue long after you are gone in physical or otherwise. Within love is the center of a gravity that can allow such things to stay inside you. it is then up to you to go inside yourself and find out what that love is. Energy does have it’s purpose whether it be something you don’t give yourself or something that someone gives you that enables you to experience a new door to love that wasn’t known. I love this post but I suppose it really comes to what is love to you!

    • Exactly.. it is what love means to you. For me, if I loved you once.. I’ll love you to some degree forever. To my husband though if you have exited his life (like his ex wife) he feels no love at all for her. Because of current circumstances due to her he now only feels anger and hatred for her. My ex was abusive to me and our son, but I know that he gave me my 2 children and at one time I did love him so even though I do not like him and I am glad that he is out of my life and my children’s lives… I will to some small degree always love him. That’s just how I am made. If I loved you once.. I love you forever.

      • My friend… to me that is love as well… anger, hatred, pain of any kind is love for it is screaming for it’s opposite in pain. You see it isn’t about the pain or acts that placed pain in place there. It is the love that was felt inside of itself to know that something more was felt in a place and time that was love. The more painful the stronger that love will be felt when it is embraced inside of love itself. You can’t heal from what you hold in your anger, you can’t heal what you hold in your past. You can only place your love inside it hear and now! Would you go on drinking poison knowing it is never going to kill the person that gave you pain? Then why have any anger when love was present during it all! Do you see the point? Love is an energy in form. If you continue to place energy in any emotion it is still interacting with the love in some form. What would heal what has happened? Your ability to not embrace any form of love doesn’t change love it changes you!

  2. Okay, I told you so. There I said it. Now, as for my ex, there is no love at all, nadda, zero, zilch. I am actually getting to the point were I feel nothing at all not even hate. Are there times were I am angry? Hell yea but am I carrying it around day to day? I try not too. What I carry around is the problems that have arisen because of her but not her in general. She is nothing to me and only exists because my children live with her. Once they are all grown and on their own, I will forget about her totally. She will no longer be a thought in my head. THAT is how I am and how I deal with people.

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