So last night I had to go get an MRI done on my shoulder. I did something to it months ago and it’s getting progressively worse everyday so I had the MRI done so they can see what kind of damage I did to it. Now a little known fact (well for you my dear readers) is that I am claustrophobic. It’s not severe, I mean I can handle things like elevators (as long as they are not jammed full) and cars (as long as the window is cracked). As long as I feel air for the most part I’m okay. Now riding Metro in rush hour… not so much
Anyways… over the last couple of years I’ve had test after test after test followed by surgery after surgery after surgery. Every last one of these test have been in open machines.. Open CT scanners ect. So last night I figured it would be the same thing, I mean it’s military and they have the state of the art equipment. I get there early and to my surprise they take me right back..cool.. that never happens. I get to leave my clothes on except my bra cause it has wire in it, oh and all jewelry except my wedding rings (which since my husband has lost his I guess I really don’t need anymore).. So I take the bra off and wrap a gown around me cause well.. it was cold in there dammit and w/ no bra on and just a t-shirt.. well yeah.. gown was needed!
The guy is walking me to the room and telling me “It takes about 20 minutes and it’s loud. It sounds like a construction site but dont’ worry, it’s just the machine, it’s not broken or anything”.. okay… my mind still focusing on how cold it was in there. Then he hands me off to the tech who is a very nice lady, looked to be around my age. We walk in the room and oh dear lord it’s -20 in there! I start talking to her about how cold it is and how can she stand it (never seeing the deathtrap in the room). She jokes that’s why she has on 3 shirts and her scrubs. She has me lay down on the bed and slide my head up to the pillow and OH MY FREAKING GOD IT’S A COFFIN.. WAITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLD UP HO… YOU WANT TO PUT ME IN THIS TUNNEL OF DEATH?????????????
“Claustrophobic are we?” she asked as my already white skin turned almost transparent as the blood rushed out of my face, down somewhere out of my feet. “Ummm yeah.. and no one told me this was a closed MRI machine” I said, trying desperately not to sound like a frightened 2 year old.. but failing miserably. She tells me they have earphones specially made for the machine and I could listen to music if I wanted.. Seriously lady.. you have to ask me that???? YES GIVE ME MUSIC AND BLARE IT IN MY EARS… She tells me “I have Journey on my phone” …. SOLD TO THE PANICKED LADY IN THE GOWN… So I put on the headphones and she slides me in the tunnel of doom… breath.. breath.. breath Shannon.. dammit, breath woman.. omg I’m gonna die because I’ve forgotten how to breath!!!! “I turned the fan on in there.. is that good or do you want it on higher or lower?”… can’t this woman hear me screaming.. “
FUCK THE FAN.. GET ME OUT“….. “umm yeah.. that’s good” I squeaked out.
So it starts… It sounds like a freaking Jack Hammer is going off in that machine.. it’s banging, pounding, shimmying, and twitching.. I try to keep my eye’s closed the whole time but I think the machine is collapsing in on me so I have to check.. OMG THE CEILING IS ALMOST TOUCHING MY NOSE.. I can’t breath.. wait.. I’m breathing too hard.. she comes on over the headphones “Your doing great.. try not to move, I’m getting great pictures.. you’ve only got 17 more minutes to go”… ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? I’VE ONLY BEEN IN THIS TORTUROUS HELL FOR 3 MINUTES??? Shoot me please..
Steve Perry is singing.. “My city by the bay”… I’m singing it loudly in my head.. my body tense from not moving.. concentrating hard on not breathing to hard, but not holding my breath for the next 17 minutes either. Oh my god oh my god oh my god.. the walls just moved in a little closer… I’m fucked! “Only 10 more minutes to go” she chirps…
“GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU RANCID WHORE” is what I would have said if I could have managed.. but all I got out was “K”…
The next 10 minutes were sheer torture… my body covered in sweat even though it was negative 20 in the room. My shoulder screaming at me at the way they had it secured down. I had an itch on my knee I couldn’t get too… the fan was blowing my little short hairs in my face tickling it…. AND THE WALLS KEPT CLOSING IN ON ME.. SOMEONE PLEASE.. GET ME OUT.. GOD TAKE MY SOUL NOW.. LET ME OUT OF HERE… “All done.. coming to get you”.. OH THANK YOU JESUS.. and the angels sang out!!!!!!!!!! The look on her face when she saw my face was kinda like Beaker there.. “OH honey.. your okay.. you did good and it’s all over.. and just remember this is the best test we can do to help find out what’s wrong with your shoulder”… as I’m wiping away the tears that are falling despite me trying my hardest to control them. I get out and have my husband call me.. just the sound of his voice brings my blood pressure down a bit. I get home.. bathe and take some meds… and tried desperately to not dream about being in a grave!