Well.. the countdown is truly on now. My husband‘s last day of work is in 6 short days with no new job lined up. We’ve faced this scenario before.. so I should be prepared for it. I should know that it’s not the end of the world, we’ve survived it once we’ll survive it again. But I’m scared. Truly scared, and well a little angry.
I’m much too old for this crap again. This time however, it’s not just us struggling to make ends meet, no.. it’s my daughter having to stop her Tae Kwan Do training, which is heartbreaking because she’s now a brown belt and wants to get to black belt. My husbands ex wife is going to be even more angry and infuriated because she won’t be getting “her” money while he’s out of work and the arrears will again rise rise rise.. debt that hasn’t drown us yet.. will do so this year. My son is starting to talk about going to his Prom and the Military Ball… but we can’t afford the tickets for him. He’s turning 16 in 4 short months… no party for him… My husband’s oldest daughter is getting married in March and we won’t be able to go. My husband is going to have to take the train and go by himself and our gift will be crappy. We already can’t help in paying for it. His son graduates in May, won’t be going to that either.
When Rob retired from serving 20 years in the USAF it took him almost a year to find a job.. and guess what??? It’s even harder now to find one. Damn it.. I’m pissed off! Life was not suppose to be this way for any of us. It’s not like we haven’t worked our asses off. And now the Government has raised our taxes so my already measly check will be even smaller???? Well guess what President Obama.. maybe I just won’t file my taxes this year.. or next year.. and when you finally catch me and throw me in jail for it… GOOD.. you can pay to feed me and house me and give me medical. I told you.. I’m scared and with fear comes anger. I’m angry at my husband even though it’s not his fault he can’t find a job. I’m angry at the Government for fucking up everything… I’m angry again, even though I said I was going to try to be happy this year. Which I promise I am trying to be. I don’t let myself think too much about my up coming pains.. and when the dark thoughts start to go through my mind I start telling myself really stupid shit in my head to make it stop. You know.. .like running away from life and everyone in it… going on random killing spree’s and telling myself they are all vampires and deserved to be killed… getting pedicures… who did let the dog’s out… a bunch of different random things.
So please just deal with me if I get a little mad.. a little down.. a little crazy over the next few days/weeks/months… or until we are homeless…which may be sooner rather then later.