Lacy’s Journal

I don’t even know where to begin, I mean between last Saturday and this Sunday Craig and I have just drifted so far apart.  What happened?  I asked him if he was seeing someone else after he stayed at “work” all night Monday night and he keeps insisting that he’s not seeing anyone but I just can’t believe that.  For so long now every time I try to be intimate with him he  pulls away.  Then he comes up to me last Saturday, so attentive out of nowhere then pulls away again.  WTH?  We have been together for so long, he’s just not himself anymore and hasn’t been for a very long time.  Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore but just doesn’t know how to say it?  I don’t know what I would do without him, but I won’t stay if he doesn’t want me around….  I just wish I knew what he wanted from me, from us…

We’ve hardly spoken all week.  The kids have picked up on it, they’ve stayed kinda hidden themselves.  Brianna asked me what was wrong with dad, I didn’t know what to tell her.  I just said he was very tired and overworked.   Derrick is grumpy because of his cast.. he’s ready to get it off.  Dr said in about 4 more weeks or so.  Lil bit is her normal diva self.  If it’s not about her she’s oblivious, which I guess is a good thing.  I have felt lonely before.. but not like this.  When I’m home I feel completely alone.  Sometimes I drive home from work, I pull up in the yard and have to force myself out of the car.  I just don’t want to be here.

Yesterday I spent the day at Jackson’s place.  I cooked him a big pan of lasagna and cut it up into several pieces and put in the freezer so he’d have some home cooked meals for awhile.  His shoulder really hurts but he’s trying hard to not show the pain.  I helped him put some antibacterial cream on the wound and helped him wrap it back up.  His partner is taking over the “PT” duty and making sure he gets there every day.  I think he’s going stir crazy sitting around his house all day.  I had to laugh when he complained that he couldn’t even play his XBox cause it took 2 hands and it just hurt too much!  He told me I am his best friend, he didn’t know why or how but I was.  I told him next to Craig he was my best friend and honestly, lately the way Craig has been acting he’s replacing him.  He told me he didn’t want to replace Craig, but he understood what I was saying and wanted me to know he was always going to be there for me.  I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that.

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Jackson mentioned having a party in a few weeks at his house.  He wants me to come and bring Craig.  He said he wants to meet him.  I’m not sure how I can even tell Craig about Jackson or that I know him enough for him to invite us to a party.  I’ll figure something out…

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5 thoughts on “Lacy’s Journal

  1. He want’s to know what he looks like so he can have him beat up by gang members then framed for having coke on him so Jackson can have Lacy all to himself. He’s a dirty cop I tell you and crazy.

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