Well… I told Craig I wanted him to leave and he got mad as hell. He said he wasn’t going anywhere, that things aren’t as bad as I think they are.. well um excuse me but if I’m saying they are that bad then to me they are! We fought for over an hour. He told me he’d just keep sleeping on the damn couch until I got off the rag. What an ass! I’m telling him point blank and he’s still ignoring it all. I told him fine.. whatever but I’m not going to just sit and wait for him. That I was going to go live my life. He said I could go do what I wanted, I’ve always been able to go do whatever I wanted.. that if I wanted to go shopping I could go shopping. He’s just clueless.
After we were done yelling at each other I just left the house. I couldn’t deal with him anymore. I decided to go for a run, to try to clear my head so I drove out to the park just on the outside of town. There’s a really good trail there. Even though my legs were still sore from boot camp I just knew it would feel good to get out and just be. When I went to turn into the parking lot though Jackson just happened to be driving by heading into town and he saw me. I didn’t see him at first, not until he pulled up behind me. I told him to go away.. I just couldn’t deal with it all. He saw that I’d been crying and asked me what was wrong, what happened. I just lost it and started bawling. I couldn’t even talk. So he told me I was going back to his place and he wasn’t taking no for an answer, that I was in no condition to drive or run. I couldn’t even argue it with him, I just cried. That’s all I could do.
We got back to his place and got inside and he made me a cup of coffee and got me some tissue’s. I told him I must have looked a messed with a big red runny nose and puffy eyes. He said I was beautiful like always, just extremely sad looking. I told him everything. That I asked Craig to move out so we could have a break, how he doesn’t think I do anything with my life and how everything is all in my head. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight and said he was so sorry that Craig was like that. That I was much to special to ever be treated any less then that. It felt so good to hear those things, it’s been so long.
We talked a little bit more and I started feeling better and stopped crying. By then we’d moved into the living room and were sitting on the couch. All that crying had made my head hurt and so I laid it down on his shoulder. I never wanted to leave or move.. I just wanted to melt into him.. and he felt that because he kissed my head, then tilted my face up to his and oh my God the kiss was electrifying..I needed him and he wanted me. I couldn’t stop it, I didn’t want to stop it. I needed to be needed. It’s been 2 months since I’ve been touched and it was months before then. His hand slid down my back so easily, his touch so soft and tender at first I thought I was going to melt right there on the couch. We kissed harder, his tongue exploring my mouth, mine his. My hands wrapped around his neck, my fingers in his hair. My body shook to the core. He stood up and pulled me too him.. I could feel his hardness through his jeans, could feel his desire radiating out of his chest. He picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to the stairs. As we made our way upstairs the clothes were falling off, I honestly don’t even remember taking them off, it all happened so quickly at first.
He sat me down on the edge of the bed and looked at me with a “are you sure” look.. I just said “yes.. I need you”… he threw me back onto the bed and sank his face between my legs, my wetness covering him. I couldn’t stand it, God I needed to feel him inside me. I pulled him up to me and told him I needed it.. him.. deep inside me.. He fucked me hard, so hard at times I thought I would break in two, and then so softly at other times I thought I would explode from the desire of wanting more. Our bodies entwined for hours. Time just escaped me completely. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We finally collapsed, exhausted, covered in sweat. My legs screamed at me even more, my body quivering from it all. I wanted to fall into a blissful sleep with my lover but couldn’t. I had to get home, he however was out like a light! I left him a note telling him I had to get home and I’d call him later.
I got back to my car almost 5 hours after I left it. I drove around the block a few times before I got up the nerve to go home. What if he suspected? What if he said something, how would I handle it. I just cheated on my husband. I went inside and he was sitting on the couch (right where I left him) and he made some smart ass comment about how running for that many hours are sure to take away from “sexual frustrations”.. the smart ass emphasis on that last part. I just looked at him in disbelief.. not only does he not believe me but he’s mocking me. Who the hell is this man, because he’s not the one I married and loved for so many years. Anger rose in me and I just said “Yup, it sure did” and came upstairs to shower. Screw him.. if he’s going to be like this, then I’m refusing to feel guilt for it!
I’ve decided I’m not telling Jenna about it either.. no one is going to know about it. I will say I feel so differently then I thought I would. I feel almost liberated..