So I was thinking today about some sayings we use.. I’ve blogged on this before but I thought of some new ones..
First one.. Best thing since sliced bread! Okay.. what the hell???? Was life so bad before someone invented a machine to preslice the bread that THIS is the best thing they have to compare it too? Why not “Best thing since Air Conditioning” or “Best thing since Indoor Plumbing“..I mean really.. I’m pretty damn thankful for indoor plumbing, I’d hate to have to go shit outside in the cold winter months or in the hottest part of summer… especially in a dank smelly outhouse filled with horrible smells and flies.. umm yeah.. that’s much better then sliced bread! I’ll slice my own damn bread thank you very much!
Second one is.. Colder then hell… Um excuse me but isn’t hell suppose to be fire and brimstone? Fire a million times hotter then any thing ever felt here on earth. Shouldn’t it be “Hotter then Hell?” I mean I know we use that one too, but who decided “Colder then hell?”… or “Colder then Shit”.. really??? Cause I’m not about to go touching shit to find out if it’s hot or cold. I know when my kids were babies on occasion my hand got some on it but it wasn’t cold, especially after I scrubbed it under scalding hot water for 20 minutes.
Third one is..Better late then never… hmmm… tell that to the innocent man who was executed for a crime he didn’t commit only to get a call 1 minute late!!!
Fourth is “You hit the nail on the head”… well where the hell else are you going to hit??? On the side.. that’d be kinda dumb… actually, I think I wrote about that one already..
and lastly.. Fifth is “all that glitters is not gold”..well D’UH! I mean glitter comes in all colors now.. not just gold…
See.. pretty glitter… oh c’mon now.. you know you laughed on that one!