Lacy’s Journal

Omg.. this is the worst pain I’ve ever felt.  I don’t know what to do or think.  Jenna brought the kids home yesterday.  I told them that their father and I needed some time apart and that he would be talking to them soon.  I emailed Craig and told him do not call me or try to talk to me until I was ready to talk to him.  I told him he would be the one to tell his kids that he fucked another woman and fathered another child, that he would explain it and answer their questions.  I told him I didn’t give a damn where the hell he was staying, I didn’t want to know anything.  I also told him that he could come get the kids for a visit this weekend if he wanted them, that no matter how hurt and angry I was at him I didn’t want him to be out of their lives.  He replied he understood and that he will wait forever if that’s how long it takes for me to talk to him again.  He signed it “I’m so very sorry”.

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Jackson has texted and called a thousand times.  I just can’t talk to him.  How do I talk to him about how heartbroken I am that I now know my marriage is over?  That I didn’t want it to end.. I wanted Craig to step up, be the man I needed and wanted.. the man he use to be.  How do I live without him?  He’s been my other half for almost 2 decades.  Could I ever forgive him enough to let him back into my life?  Could I accept his bastard son?  No.. I don’t think I can… here comes the tears again.  Can you die from a broken heart?  It feels like I’m dying.  I wish my mother was still alive… I just want to crawl up into her arms and hear her say it will all be okay.  How could he do this to me?  To us?  I begged him for months to tell me what was going on, why he was being so different.  I knew something was wrong.. why.. why.. why did he not tell me.. why did he cut me out of his life.. what did I do?  I hate my life…

Jackson is texting again.  Why can’t he leave me alone for a little while?  I just can’t talk to him.. I just want to die… I’m going to bed now.  Brianna will put the younger one’s to bed.. Sleep is my only friend now..

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11 thoughts on “Lacy’s Journal

  1. Jackson isn’t getting the hint because he’s a stalker. He’s a psycho. She and Craig need to sit down and talk and work things out and he needs to get that damn baby DNA tested for Christ sake.

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