Lacy’s Journal

Disclaimer (the following journal entries are all fictional, any resemblance to any person famous or otherwise is completely coincidental ).

 

Jackson has been by everyday since Thursday.  He fixed the door from when he forced it open the other day.  He told me yesterday that when he found me on the bed for a split second he thought I was dead and his heart ached so badly he almost couldn’t move.  I guess I really scared my kids too, they’ve been clinging to me since I got up.  I won’t lie… it’s hard for me to be up and moving.. I just want to cry all the time.. I want to sleep.. but I can’t…. life won’t let me.  Sometimes I wish that death would come find me in my sleep.. it would make it all so much easier.

The kids are with Craig today.  He’s suppose to be telling them what he’s done.  I think Brianna is going to be the most upset, she’s been asking what her dad did all week.  I just told her he would talk to them all about it today.  Derrick keeps asking when I’m going to let him come back home.  Lil bit just misses her daddy.  How do I not let my emotions dictate theirs?  I can’t even stand to think of him.  When he got here today he came to the door and knocked instead of just coming in, which I was glad of.  I stayed in the living room and told the kids that I loved them and to call me if they wanted too.  I watched them walk across the yard to his car and the pain started all over again.  I tried so hard to get him to open up to me, to be with me, to love me… but he wouldn’t… now he’s fathered a child with someone else.  How do you get over that?  I am trying to not make any big decisions right now but honestly I just want to file for divorce.

Jackson and I talked a little earlier, he’s at work right now but he’s told his boss if I need him he’s taking off to be with me.  His partner Shane is a little weird.  He’s been over a few times to talk to him and I just don’t think I like him at all.  Anyways, I told Jackson that I am just so confused and hurt and angry right now that I can’t “be” with him.  He said he completely understood and that he would be here for me for whatever I needed, a friend, a lover and protector, whatever.  He told me that he loves me and always will no matter what I decide.  I told him that I can’t return those 3 words at the moment and he understood that too.

Phone….brb..

 

Brianna and Derrick are crying and want to come home, lil bit is crying too but I’m not sure she completely understands why.  They will be here in a minute.  Oh my poor babies… I just want to hug them.  Take their pain away..

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They are home and very upset.  Craig told me at the door that he is so very sorry and wishes he could go back and change it all.. I told him to go change the diapers of his new son.  He asked me if I was ok, that I looked very thin and tired.  I told him that’s what happens when you find out that you were thrown away and closed the door.  The pain on his face made him look older.. good… I hope it hurts.  I want him to hurt as much as I do.  He texted asking when we could talk.. I told him at some point.. but right now I have to go pick up the pieces of our kids shattered lives.. and thanked him for that.  He will know how much I hurt.

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11 thoughts on “Lacy’s Journal

    • He texted asking when “we” could talk and he isn’t thinking of only himself he is thinking of her and the kids too. She said she saw the pain and hurt in his face. He knows he messed up and only wants to fix things between the two of them. Jackson however is trying very hard to drive a wedge between them and has from the start and the creepy friend yea I’m not liking where this is going, she needs to keep her eye on those two.

        • And it just kills everyone else to think that Craig is actually a good guy too who wants to make his marriage work now that she knows about his mistake. Of course he doesn’t know about her cheating on him prior to finding out about the kid but I guess that is one of those things that is okay for her to do just not her man.

          • NOBODY said it was okay for her to do it.. but she had tried for a year to get him to open up to her.. to talk to her.. to be with her.. he fucked that other cunt when they weren’t having issue’s… Lacy waited until after she had told Craig to move out.. until after she had tried to get his love and affection.. Craig is the fucking whore.. not Lacy.

            • We don’t know they weren’t having issues back then. This doesn’t start back that far so for all we know they could have been having issues. He could have tried to get her love and affection and didn’t feel he was getting it. Either way it didn’t give either one of them a right to cheat on each other. I had been for Lacy since the beginning, but to make the right choices and unfortunately she has been making bad choice after bad choice.

              • Not if she acted the same way he did. She said they were and he didn’t think so. Same could have happened. He could have said they were and she didn’t think so that he was just over reacting.

              • She should come clean about Jackson and start over. None of the other you listed. They will both have the reminder. Even if she tried calling it off with Jacson though, he’s not going to disappear that easily. Psycho’s normally don’t.

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