Disclaimer (the following journal entries are all fictional, any resemblance to any person famous or otherwise is completely coincidental ).
Well I’ve managed to calm the kids down some. I told them that what their father did was wrong, but he was still their father and he loved them dearly and didn’t do this to intentionally hurt any of us. Bri said she loves him but she’s so mad at him for all he’s done to me she doesn’t really want to see him right now. I told her I understood completely and wouldn’t push her but to always remember that he’s always been there for her. That she’s a daddy’s girl and this shouldn’t change it. Derrick asked me if I wanted him to go “talk” to that other woman and put her in her place.. always my protector! I thanked him and told him I’d think about it. He did say something that kinda caught me off guard.. he said “mama… dad looked old.. he didn’t look the same when he was telling us.. and when he broke down in tears I didn’t know what to do”… He’s never seen his dad cry… I’ll have to wait and see how this plays out with him.. right now he’s kinda hard to read. He seems like he wants to forgive his dad but loyalty to me is stopping that… I gotta make sure I don’t push my feelings off on them..Sugar bug is confused.. she’s excited she has a baby brother but doesn’t understand why he doesn’t live with us. She asked if she was suppose to be mad at daddy.. I told her no and she said “good.. cause I love you and daddy and don’t wanna be mad at you two”… so innocent…
Jackson been by everyday but he’s not pushed me on anything relationship wise. He is being a terrific friend… he keeps telling me that he loves me and he knows I can’t say that back to him, yet, but that one day he hopes I will.. and until then he’s going to stay right here.. so he’s there whenever I need him. Shane just keeps rubbing me the wrong way. I asked Jackson how well he knew his partner.. he said not very.. they’ve only been working together for a few months. I told him I didn’t like the way he is always looking at me and Brianna.. that it’s creepy and I didn’t want him back over here. He said he would keep him away… but I swear I saw him drive by my house the other night….
I met Craig for lunch today.. It was very hard to keep the tears in and the anger down. He said he didn’t know where to begin.. how to even explain it all so I asked him.. why.. why did you fuck her in the first place? A year ago we were fine, as far as I knew at least. He said it was the night of their office party.. that I didn’t go to because the kids were sick. He said that she’d been flirting with him for awhile and he found it amusing and kinda cute.. but not threatening. I knew he had gotten very drunk that night because he was dropped off by a co-worker because he was too drunk to drive… what I didn’t know was it was her! He said they were all drinking and dancing and having fun and she started rubbing up on him and before he realized what was going on they were having sex in her car. He said when they were done he told her that it could never ever happen again and she said she understood.. then a month or so later she told him she was pregnant.
I asked him why he kept it from me after that.. he said he just couldn’t tell me.. and the longer it went on the worse he felt which made him pull away from me. He said he’d completely understand if I never forgave him and divorced him, then begged me not to divorce him. He said he would do anything to make it up to me.. whatever I wanted.. counseling, whatever.. just please don’t divorce him.
I had to ask him.. if she was willing to fuck you in a car.. how can you be so certain the baby is even yours? Don’t you think you should have a DNA test done? He is so naive sometimes..he said he just doesn’t think someone would do that.. so I told him.. you said do whatever I wanted.. I want you to have that baby tested to see if he is in fact yours.. then we’ll go from there….
I was about to leave when he said he had 1 thing he wanted to tell me.. he said “I’ve noticed Jackson’s patrol car at the house everyday… if your seeing him there’s really nothing I could say about that.. but I’m asking you please.. don’t start a relationship out of hurt right now.. please give us a chance first”.. then he said “Are you.. ya know.. “seeing” him?”… I couldn’t say it.. I told him he was a very good friend who has helped me alot over the last couple of weeks.. and then left… I don’t know what to do.. do I tell Craig that yes, I’m seeing him.. or do I keep my mouth shut?