Okay.. I’m a little freaked out.. either I’m losing my mind (which is entirely possible) or I am completely sane and really scared shitless now. I came home from work tonight after picking up the kids and the back door was not only unlocked but open. I know it was closed because we didn’t go out it this morning. I called Jackson as soon as I saw it and he told me to get out and get the kids out and he’d be here in just a few minutes.. he wasn’t too far from my neighborhood. The kids and I went outside and waited around the corner until we heard the siren. He told us to wait outside while he went and check out the house.. A few moments later he came out and said it was clear. Then he asked if I was “sure” I locked the door because nothing was out of place that he could see. I told him I knew it was closed and locked… I thought.. then he joked “If you wanted to see me all you had to do was text.. oh wait.. maybe it’s the whole picture that gets you.. the uniform, the car, the siren”..I had to giggle… He squeezed my hand and said he’d text me when got off duty in a few hours and left..
Now here’s the really strange thing.. My pillows are messed up on my bed.. not how I ever leave them.. and I’ve noticed several little things are moved. My make up is all askew and I’m missing the bra I know was hanging on the bathroom door knob. I’m going to tell Jackson about it when he texts. I texted Craig and asked him if he had been over and he said no, then asked if I wanted him to come over. I told him no. I told him everything was fine I was just wondering. I hope he doesn’t come over.. I’m not up to seeing him tonight. I miss him.. and it hurts to see him or talk to him. I found myself looking at our wedding photo’s last night. It was nothing extravagant.. it was just a few of us and a friend who is a Pastor.. on the beach.. We didn’t want anything big or fancy, it was perfect.. it was us. What happened to us? I keep thinking that thought and all that comes to mind is “HER”.. that’s what happened to us. Craig did tell me that he told her he wanted the DNA test done.. she said no so he told her not another dime until she does. She hasn’t called him back yet.
the kids are all asleep and Jackson is here. I’m in the mood to be held tonight… I need to forget about reality for awhile at least…I need to feel wanted and needed… to be touched.. so goodnight journal..