Disclaimer (the following journal entries are all fictional, any resemblance to any person famous or otherwise is completely coincidental ). Also contains X-Rated scenes.. if your EASILY offended.. do yourself a favor and leave this blog.. Thank you.
Well.. I lowered my guard and had lunch with Craig today. He told me he’s rented a small apartment in town, not too far from my job. I pass it everyday. He asked if I wanted to come see it, but I told him no. It really kinda makes it feel like it’s truly over knowing he’s got a new address. I’m so confused.. I just don’t know what I want anymore. One minute I’m so angry at him for what he did I never want to see him again, the next moment I miss him so much I just want to run to him and wrap my arms around him and never let him go. I miss his laughter.. I miss his kisses.. his touch.. him. Why did he have to do this to us? He asked me if I would be up to going to marriage counseling. I told him I’d have to think about it…. he said he understood and told me again that he was never going to give up on us. He told me he still loves me completely and totally and that he believes that I still love him and that I’m only with Jackson because I have a emptiness in me that I’m trying to fill. He asked me if I’ve told Jackson I love him or if he’s told me that he loves me. I told him no I haven’t.. but I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about me and Jackson. He smiled when I told him I hadn’t told him that. It was nice having a conversation with him without screaming and crying.
When I got home Jackson was already at the house waiting on me. He told me he saw me and Craig at lunch today and asked how it went? I asked him if he was spying on me and he laughed and said, no silly.. I was on patrol and happened to drive down Lemon Ave when he saw me walking into the restaurant and then noticed I was with Craig. The kids were happy to see Jackson.. he does really well with them. Sugar bug especially likes him. She think’s he’s silly, like her daddy. I let him in first so he could check out the house and make sure it was all secure before we went it. After we got in I told him I really had a headache and just wanted to be alone tonight. He didn’t like that at all. He said he’d feel much safer if he was here at the house with us, but I just can’t tonight. I don’t want to be around anyone but my kids so I explained to him that the kids and I were going to spend some quality time alone, maybe pop some popcorn and watch a movie. He protested some until I told him to just go home. He left without even telling me goodbye.. Oh well.. he’ll get over it, or he won’t!
3am- something startled me awake.. I still don’t know what it was. The house is quite now but I can’t help but feel like someone was in here.. in my room with me. I have the creeps now, big time. I wish Craig was here.. or Jackson.. hell both of them. This fucking sucks.. I want to know who is fucking with my house, my car.. my life! I didn’t do anything to anyone.. so why does someone want to fuck with me? Well.. I won’t be getting anymore sleep tonight.. might as well just get up and go make some coffee.