Evil Dead 2013 Review

Okay.. so last night my devoted husband took me out on a lovely date night.. to go see The Evil Dead…then drinks.. then home for some bom chicka bow wow!!!  TMI?? To bad.. it’s my blog..lol.  So my hubby tells me he wants to see me in a dress that I wore a few months ago, however he didn’t realize that was a “winter” dress, too warm for the 70 degree weather last night so I opted for a cute little halter top  summer dress.  So we get to the theater and the ticket attendant tells us how great I look.. and then tells Rob “Oh.. you look good too, average.. she’s well.. ” Then he compliments my necklace.. I had to laugh.

So we get in to the theater and to our surprise there are only 2 other people in there.. cool.. I like it when the theater is empty.. sadly however that didn’t last.  More and more people showed up, first we had this prick behind us who was talking on his phone.  Then there were these 2 heavy set ladies who would not shut up.. at one point during the previews one of these ladies answered the phone and said, and I quote.. “Ion give a fuck.. it’s only previews, I’m gunna answer my fucking phone”.. and proceeds to answer and chat it up.  I lready knew  when they first came in that they were going to talk non-stop and I was right.  Every single thing that happened in the movie they had to comment on!  But, before then.. the prick behind us.. well about 10 minutes into the movie this prick gets up and starts to head out and yells “The girl dies”… asshole..

Okay.. now to the movie..

img_189297_evil-dead-2013-red-band-trailer-2-hd

The beginning of the movie has a young girl walking through the woods being chased/stalked by someone.. she’s covered in blood.. she’s scared.. at first your hoping she gets away.. but she doesn’t… she gets knocked out and then awakens tied to a wooden post.. she’s begging to go home.. there’s an old woman speaking in a foreign language… telling someone that she must be killed now.. in walks her dad.. WTF??? Her dad??? he’s telling her that he’s sorry, but he has to kill her for killing her mother… then the truth comes out.. she starts speaking in this strange possessed voice.. “I’ll consume your soul…like I did your whore”… and he sets her on fire….

Now the movie goes to  a group of young people going into the woods to stay at a cabin in the middle of nowhere.. now what could possibly go wrong there???  Hmmmm.. Well the youngest of them all is a junkie who has called this group of people together to help her quit cold turkey.. so the fun begins..  The girl, Mia keeps talking about a smell in the cabin, she’s apparently the only one who can smell it.  After the DT’s kick in she is complaining even more about the smell.. then the dog starts digging at the carpet on the floor.. to which they pull it away to discover blood under it all over the cellar door.. and of course they go down stairs where they find a whole bunch of dead cats hanging from the ceiling and a book that’s wrapped up and tied up in barbed wire.. a really good sign to leave it the fuck alone.. but do they?? nope… one of the stupid people not only get the book, and open the book but despite all the warnings reads OUTLOUD from the book.. and incantation or prayer..of course this is at the same time that Mia is at her worst.. she escapes and takes off in one of the cars.. crashes it and then is attacked by something in the woods.. This demon traps her in some vines that tie her up, arms and legs spread wide open where this black goo thing slithers up her legs and into her woohoo… my first thought.. no man will ever be able to satisfy her again after that!  Yeah, I’m sick and twisted…

From there we go into GORE GALORE… I won’t give away the rest of the movie.. but I will say this was over the top blood, guts and gore.  I was literally disgusted by the amount of gore.  It was bad enough being subjected to the second rate acting, but then the gazillion disgusting things they showed with the hope of “scaring” the audience.  This movie was anything but scary.  It was predictable, it relied on cheap tactics to try to scare you.  I only jumped once and that was at the very loud bang.. not because I was scared.  This movie was billed as “the scariest movie ever made”.. well dear Hollywood advertisers and promoters.. you effin lied to me!!  I want my money back dammit!

I liked the older B rated movies so much better then this one!  If your squimish and don’t like blood and gore.. don’t go see this.. if your like my husband however.. go enjoy the hell out of it.

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8 thoughts on “Evil Dead 2013 Review

  1. I have to say that I whole heartedly disagree with this. Yes I thuroughly enjoyed the original Evil Dead movies, Bruce Campbell is awesome. Yes they made a few deviations in the remake as is to be expected. Was I expecting it to be as bloody and gorey as it was? No. Was it over the top? Again no. What was show I felt was necessary for the sceen. I felt this move was awesome. It was very well done, great acting, and did a great job retelling the story in a new way not to metion the special effects were totally awesome. I felt this was definitely a movie worth seeing in the theaters and one for the home collection. I give it 5 stars and 2 thumbs up.

    As for the asshole talkers in the theater, that shit just pisses me off.

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