Happy Birthday Square Peg

It’s Thursday night, May 1 1997.. I just put a pan of my famous baked spaghetti in the oven, getting ready to watch the final episode of the made for TV mini seriesThe Shining” and extremely pregnant.. I go to the bathroom and pee.. then wipe, then start to get up and it sounds like I”m peeing again.. WTF??? I just pee’d, how can I be peeing again???  Yes.. My water broke right there sitting on the toilet!  So I start to go into panic mode because I’m home alone and my then husband is down the street and I’ve never had a baby before and you hear all kinds of horror stories about women giving birth at home, or on the side of the road (hey.. it happens.. a friend from high school had her son on the side of the highway a couple of years ago..)..So I take the spaghetti out of the oven, waddle my large tummy down the road to my ex husbands grandfathers and tell him that my water just broke and we needed to go to the hospital (I was high risk so I was told to go to the hospital as soon as my water broke, to not wait for contractions to get closer)…

So off we go.. after of course I called my cousin in law and begged her to tape the last episode for me because I really didn’t want to miss it.  We get to the hospital and I am admitted and I lay there for 2 hours with nothing happening.. nothing.. not 1 contraction.  We verified the water broke but that was it.. so they bring on the petocin (sp ck) and OH MY GOD!!!  Instant stage 5 contractions.. to go from nothing to stage 5/6 contractions in minutes.. I thought I was going to die!  My nurse of course was this size 4, tanned perfect blonde w/ perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect nails.. perfect everything.  She comes in every 30 mins or so to check my cervix.. which stays at 2 cm.  So every hour or so she pushes the button to give me more of that God Awful medicine that causes my body extreme pain!  Finally at 4:30 in the morning, after I’ve begged and begged for an epidural but am constantly told no because it would slow down my progress.. WAIT, WHAT?? I’M NOT PROGRESSING DAMMIT.. IT’S BEEN 8 HOURS AND I’M STILL AT 2 CM.. A BLIND MAN COULD SEE I’M NOT PROGRESSING HERE…anyways.. at 4:30 am she comes and checks.. and yup.. I’m at you guessed it.. 2 cm… she says for the 4th time “We have to give you another dose of the petocin.. and when you finish this bag of IV fluids we’ll see about getting you that epidural”.. at that moment in time I do believe that I was possessed by some evil force because in a voice so totally not mine I tell her.. “IF YOU PUSH THAT FUCKING BUTTON ONE MORE FUCKING TIME WITHOUT AN EPIDURAL IN MY BACK.. I WILL TAKE YOUR SIZE 4 PERFECT TANNED ASS AND I WILL THROW YOU OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW.. AND IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN.. JUST KNOW I OUTWEIGH YOU BY ABOUT 3000LBS AND I’M A MAMA BEAR IN THE MAKING AND YOUR HURTING MY BEAR CUB.. NOW GET THE FUCKING DR DOWN HERE TO GIVE ME SOME DAMN PAIN MEDICINE“…10 minutes later the anesthesiologist was in my room putting a needle into my back and giving me that amazing medicine that blocked all that pain.. sweet Jesus…finally.. I can breath again..

Lunchtime rolls around and I’m still at.. yup.. 2 cm.. I’m exhausted.. I’ve had no sleep.. My belly is huge, I’m uncomfortable.. I wanna go home and just never have this alien that is tearing my body up from the inside out.. My doctor comes in to check on me… tells me.. “Your stuck at 2 cm”.. well D’UH DOC…where you been???  I’ve been stuck here for a friggin day now!  Then he tells me.. “a little cranky too I see”.. yup.. I won’t lie.. I passed cranky 15 hours ago buddy!  He tells me that he’ll come check on me in a little while.. goody.. more pain.. more nothing.. more exhaustion..

At about 1:45 a nurse comes bursting into my room and checks the monitor that is hooked up around my belly to monitor my babies heartbeat.. she tells me she’s going to page my dr and to lay on my left side.. Umm.. okay.. why?.. and out the door she goes.  a few moments later my doctor comes in and checks the monitor and tells me what no mom to be ever wants to hear.. “Your baby is in distress.. his heartbeat is dropping rapidly and we have to get him out now”.. before I can say much of anything I’m whisked out of the room by the 5 people who followed him into the room.. as we are racing down the hall to the surgery room I tell a nurse that I’m about to lose it.. I’m panicked and freaking out.. she tells me in the sweetest voice ever.. “Oh honey.. you will be fine and in a few minutes your going to be holding your beautiful baby boy.. trust me.. I won’t let anything happen to either of you”.. so we go in.. they strap my arms down.. they put oxygen on my face and a few moments later I hear the sound we all wait to hear… my perfect little man was born.. he was over due and huge.. 8 lbs 15 oz and 21 1/2 inches long.. He was mine.. from the start.. Until that moment I never knew I was capable of such intense love..


When I finally got into my room and they brought him to me he was so sweet.. and I held him.. loved him.. promised him I’d be there for him no matter what.. then he got hungry.. and started crying.. and got mad.. and in the minute it took for me to get him situated and get ready to breast feed him he was full force fit throwing.. and I nicknamed him “My little butthead”.. little did I know he would grow into that name.. he’s been stubborn since birth, it’s never changed.


My 1 yr old cutie.. omg he was sooo adorable.

The years have flown by in a blur.. We’ve been through hell and back together.. but he knows I will always have his back.. and as he gets older he is becoming more protective of his mom..


This was the weekend of my mom’s funeral..


at age 12 on our move from Tx to Va


This year at his Military Ball.. He’s 16 today.. He’s almost an adult. my time is almost up with him being in my life 24/7.. I miss the days of him being small.. but I look forward to seeing what kind of a man he turns into.. I pray he finds true love.. he has the life he deserves, because Lord knows I haven’t been able too give him that life now.  I love him so much.. Happy Birthday Bubba..


6 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Square Peg

  1. Happy Birthday Jonathan. I do hope he figures things out and has a better adult life then what he’s had as a child.

  2. That was beautiful.. from the chuckle I got for mama bear in making and the breaking of the lovey dovey moment of a firstborn … And so he cried and threw a mean tantrum .

    Happy Birthday (:

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