For the Marriage

On the radio this morning they were talking about some new study that has come out about marriages.  I looked for it but couldn’t find it even though 2 different stations were discussing it.  Anyways, they said that the 3rd year of marriage is the happiest, that by then you’ve become comfortable with each other.  Year 5 is the hardest and unhappiest and if you make to year 7 and your still happy then your probably going to make it for the long haul.

Well hell!  This is not good news for my husband and I.  Now don’t get me wrong, we are totally in love with each other, but our 4 years of marriage have been EXTREMELY hard.  We’ve been hit in every direction possible by outside sources determined to ruin us.  The hardest thing for us has been his financial obligations to his ex wife.  I’m all for someone paying their child support, and I encourage my husband to do so, which he does faithfully.  The only time he hasn’t is when he retired from serving our country in the Air Force for 20 years and could not find employment anywhere.  He was literally out of work for 9 months, which is asinine, NO vet in our country should ever be unemployed, EVER!  Anyways, his ex and her eye’s for only money didn’t sit back and think, oh hey.. it’s not his fault and I’m still getting half his retirement so I’ll just be understanding and wait (even though she’d gotten well over $100K over the 4 years before this happened), nope.. she threw it all in the courts causing us severe strain and stress.  It’s very very hard for a woman to marry a man who has a hateful ex in the first place.. but then to tolerate and try to remain grateful in the situation when her own children are going hungry, eating molded food from food banks all because of the outside situations, well I will tell you it kills the soul.  It ruins anything happy in your life.  It makes it hard to continue to smile and hold your head up because you constantly see what you cant’ do for your own children and you walk around feeling like a failure.  This all happened in our first 2 years of marriage and we are still struggling horribly financially right now.  Fridge is almost empty, gas tank running low..and no $$$.

Year 2– 3 saw us at our worst!  It really was hell.  Between the financial woe’s, living in ghetto hell and never seeing each other (he finally got a job and was working nights) it wore us down.  He felt tired all the time because of the hours he worked, I felt lonely and angry that I was married but feeling like a single parent again left to do it all, get the kids up and dressed, out the door, off to work, come home, pick up the kids, make dinner, clean the apartment, make sure homework was done and get them both in bed just so I could collapse and do it all over again.  Not to mention the 3 surgeries I had in a years time! I will be honest here, we have remained faithful to each other but there have been temptations on both parts.  People we each thought were just friends to the other turned out to be devils circling.  All of this strained us horribly, but we still managed to find our way back to each other each time.

Now this is where it gets worrisome. Year 5 is supposed to be the hardest… CRAP!!!  Haven’t we already had hard enough?  Our financial woe’s are not going to be any easier over the next year, this is fact.  I live in fear of being fired for my medical issues and having to miss work (and before you go there, this is a) small business that employs less then 30 people so most laws don’t count and b) it’s a right to hire right to fire state) and he has taken a steady job (no more contract jobs) but pays $10 K less a year.  The fact we still have to pay his ex and ungodly amount for another 4 years doesn’t help.

It says if you make it to year 7 and are still happy you’ll end up making it.  What if you make it to year 7 and that’s when you finally get to be happy, of course if you can get passed the anger that builds over years of outside sources trying to destroy you?  I guess we will have to wait and see how it all plays out.

I hope no one see’s this as a post where I am by any means bashing my husband.  I love him dearly and while I have blamed him for some of our problems I do not blame him for all of them.  In fact, it’s quite opposite.  I blame myself.  My family is cursed, especially in love.  We always have been.  I have even told him he should run from me as fast as he can to save himself.  I only hope that one day I can learn to live in the moment and stop worrying about all the other things, and to stop letting Satan take away from my life.  The ex will one day be gone and I will NEVER ever have to think of her or hear her name or anything again, and that day cannot come fast enough.  I will never forgive her for what she has put my family through.  I only hope that I can forgive myself for failing on so many levels.

I’m sorry this isn’t funny and witty.. just feeling kinda down lately.

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