So, my very best friend and I a few years back came up with this saying.. “I’ll be your NO friend”. What it means is, we will tell you “No, that outfit does not look good on you”.. or “No.. your hair looks nappy, not cute”.. We will be honest and let you know that you do not match, you do not look cute, you are too old to be wearing that or too fat or too skinny. Whatever the case is. Now we will admit, we are not fashion designers, we do not know what next years trends are going to be and we don’t pretend to think we are perfect.. but.. We do know that we are truthful and would never let the other one leave the house looking like a hot mess either! Here is an example of what I mean…
Now I know for a fact that if I put this outfit on, she would first burst into hysterical laughter.. then after she composed herself, went pee cause if she didn’t she’d pee in her pants.. came back, laughed some more then composed herself again she would look at me and say.. “NO!”… This woman obviously doesn’t have a no friend in her life. She either has “yes friends” who are scared to tell her no and just agree to anything and everything she does/says/wears or she has very cruel friends who told her yes she looked great in her outfit and then proceeded to let her go to Walmart looking like a hot ass mess and then took her picture to upload to PeopleofWalmart.com, (which btw is one of my all time fav sites).. I would have told her “No” for free.. I wouldn’t even charge a fee for this special case. Let me give you another example.. shall I? Yes.. I shall.
This Hot Mess… yeah, I’m gonna have to charge her! She has her layered top on, plus the hat.. plus the ugh boots.. but someone forgot to tell her that it is in fact winter and her garter belt style thigh highs weren’t good enough to take the place of pants! Not to mention it was a blistery 35 yesterday.. that’s totally beside the point.. no.. the pleather shorts weren’t quite long enough to cover the top of the garter belt.. the best thing I can say about this poor creature is at least she’s hydrating properly with her bottle of water!
So now I’m seriously thinking that I should start my own business. The “Let me be your NO friend” business. For a small fee I will be the one who will tell you the truth! I’m not a sales person who makes commission and tells you it looks fabulous just to make a buck.. I’m not your hater who will tell you it looks good to make you look bad.. I’m not your friend who doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.. no.. I’m your NO employee! I’m going to tell you straight up.. “NO.. YOU LOOK STUPID”… I’m going to save you that embarrassment when you see the photo’s someone snapped of you and uploaded to FB and it’s THEN you realize how bad that outfit looked. Never again will you find your mug on the PeopleofWalmart.com site.. You won’t be the victim of people like me or my friend who will snap your picture without you knowing it to post on Facebook and make you part of our “Say something nice” game! You will be safe and happy you paid for an honest opinion!
I can be all yours for $19.99! ACT NOW and I’ll be happy to throw in a free “HELL NO” when you wanna go out clubbin w/ the girls!