Vulnerable? Not this chick!

If you’ve followed my posts you know that I am seriously screwed up in the head, but that I’m working on getting it all straightened out.  Last week I had to go see a psychiatrist at the request of my pain management doctor.  He wanted me to see this guy because he specializes in dealing drugs out to people who live w/ chronic pain.  I didn’t realize that he was the Chief of Psychiatry when I went so when I got there and found out I wasn’t sure what to think about it, I mean.. am I so crazy that I need the CHIEF of the entire department at Walter Reed? Or, is it just this guy see’s everyone who is referred there.  Either way I was there and had to tell my life story in the abbreviated version to explain why I had chronic pain and needed his help.  Let me start by saying I was already very annoyed when he called me back into his office a full 50 mins after my appointment time.  Lets just say that waiting is number 1 on my list of pet peeves.  It always has been and the older I get the more I realize, it’s always going to be!  Within the first 3 minutes of the visit he flat out said “You are very stressed out, I can see it in your eye’s”.  Well yeah, I drove through the winter hell for 2 and half hours to get here to sit and wait almost an hour to see you.  Ya think! D’uh.

Anyways, after an hour in there he started asking me to do these breathing techniques with him.  Oh, I forgot to tell you that he found me so interesting that he a) asked if I could be a teaching case and then b) called in two of his students to hear my story.  So back to the breathing, okay so he had me look up at the ceiling, then slowly close my eye’s (which was very hard to do) then he had me breathe deep, hold my breath while he counted down from 5, then again from 10 then again from 5.  He asked how that made me feel, I told him it made my head hurt.  He asked if I was prone to migraines, well of course I am.  So then he had me do it again, this time without looking up at the ceiling.  While I had my eye’s closed he was steady talking.. “take a deep breath, make yourself feel vulnerable”.. SHRIEKKKKK…that just made me cringe.. he kept telling me.. “open yourself up, let yourself feel vulnerable”… After he counted down from the 5 then 10 then 5 again he had me open my eye’s and asked me “how did that make you feel”… I am an honest person so I said “Anxious”.  His reply was “Why does THAT make you feel anxious? Is it because there are three grown men in here staring at you while your eye’s are closed?”.  So I told him point blank “No, that’s not it.. its just, Why on earth would anyone want to feel vulnerable?” He found this very interesting.

So it got me to thinking, something I do all the time to the point it drives me insane sometimes.  Why is feeling vulnerable such a bad thing?  There’s nothing wrong with it, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you anything but human, right?  Well to me, it makes you weak.  Kinda like crying, it makes you weak.  After going through everything I’ve gone through, it only makes since that I would find these things completely terrifying.  I guess it’s something more I need to work on.  Maybe one day, I’ll have it all figured out.  Until then, it gives me things to write about.


My Crush of the Month for March 2014

OOPS.. my bad!  I forgot to do the crush of the month for this month.  I can explain.. I haven’t felt well at all and my eye’s have been bothering me.  I am sorry though.  So without any further adieu…

My crush of the month for March is!




The always sexy.. always classy… always fun and inspiring… Jennifer Aniston!  This woman has only gotten better looking with age!  Even though her movies have never been major powerhouses… I’ve enjoyed every movie I’ve ever seen her in!  I would date her in an instant!

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wow.. just stunning!


Date Night

My husband and I try to always make time for each other and aim to have a date night at least a couple of times a month.  Sometimes our schedules get in the way the most we can do is meet at our favorite place, have a couple of drinks after work before we head home to make the dinners, feed the kids, do the homework, the housework, the laundry.. and everything else.  It’s good for couples to continue to date each other, for when they stop that’s when the romance dies, and the problems start.  Or if you already have problems, it just makes it worse.

Well lately I’ve been wanting to spice up or dates.  We don’t have a lot of money so we really can’t go to a lot of new and exciting places, and with having kids we can’t go rent a hotel room for the night somewhere and just do whatever.  So I got to thinking, what can I do that will really make his head spin, then I remembered how he reacted to the costume wig I wore on Halloween.  He kept saying.. “I feel like I”m cheating on my wife” every time he looked at me, and he couldn’t keep his eye’s off of me the whole time.  So I got to thinking.. why not let him “cheat” on me, with me?  So I bought an outfit that was out of my comfort zone, well for the most part.  I did wear jeans but only because it was cold and I don’t wanna freeze all night.  Normally I’m a jeans and T-Shirt kinda gal so I decided to go kinda biker rocker chick.

So here is my before picture…



This is me.. mild mannered (okay if you know me you can stop laughing now).. coffee guzzling mom of 2.  I love my tank’s and I love my jeans and I love my flip flops/sandals…  Now after a little dolling up, some darker make up and some new hair.. here’s the woman my husband got to cheat on me with.




Now I’m by no means someone who should give marital advice, I mean I’m a 3 time bride… but I will say my husband loved this!  He was so proud to show me off all night… he kept giving me that look and telling me how hot I looked.  He couldn’t keep his eye’s off of me, or his hands.  He loved the looks I was getting from the other guys in the bar.  It was so worth the itchy hot wig on my head!

I highly suggest anyone in a long term relationship try this!  It’s so much fun to be someone else for a little while.

The Top 7 Ways Women Lie on Facebook

I came across an article today on the top seven ways that women lie on Facebook.  I thought “Hey.. that’d be a pretty good blog story.. and since I haven’t blogged in awhile I’ll use it”.. go me!


I will post the link to the article if you’d like to read it yourself.  I’m going to copy and paste the questions then answer if I do any of them. 

1.  Photoshopping photos before uploading them.

I honestly do not do this.  I dont’ know how to photoshop.  BUT.. I will do the fat chick trick to make my face look slimmer.. and I won’t post pics of me if I look old, ragged, worn out, fat.. ect!

2.  Exaggerating their career success.

Nope.. don’t do this either.. in fact I do quite the opposite.. I bitch about being broke ass poor!

3.  Only posting about exciting nights so it looks like their social life is nonstop fun . . . and conveniently neglecting to post about the nights they’re home on the couch.

HAHAHAHA.. exciting nights??? What the hell is that? 

4.  Only posting photos of their place when it’s clean.

Well.. I do try to not post if it’s a complete and total disaster, but my husband doesn’t let the place get that way so this really isn’t an issue.  It’s nice being married to someone who is a cleaner. 

5.  Only posting about the adorable things their kid does.

I try not to discuss my kids too much.. I’ll brag about something they did if it’s really great, like my son making the perfect score list on his History SOL’s.. that was pretty great.. and my daughter is testing for her Black Belt on March 22… that’s cool too.  On occasion I’ll have up there that they are now for sale on EBAY.. cheap if anyone wants them.. I am brutally honest… I love my kids to death, but they tick me off sometimes.  I really know of no parent who can HONESTLY say that their child(ren) have never made them mad, disappointed them in some way or just wanted to run away from them for at least a couple of hours.  Doesn’t mean they don’t love them, wouldn’t do anything in the world for them.. just means they are human and sometimes it gets to be overwhelming.

6.  Using old photos from when they looked better.

I do not do this.. why?  Because in older photo’s I’m about a hundred pounds heavier.. so that doesn’t make me look better.

7.  Untagging themselves in photos where they don’t look perfect.

I will untag myself if I look like a Sea Hag.. but I don’t expect to look perfect in any photo because I’m not perfect.

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