Happy Fathers Day… Mom!

On June 25, 1978 my mother had to step into the shoe’s of both mom and dad after my dad was killed.  I was young and have very few memories of him so please don’t feel sadness for me.  My mother was the greatest!  She loved us with every ounce of her being.  She worked extremely hard and managed to open 2 successful business and owned multiple properties.  She was and always will be my inspiration to be and do better every day!  I always thought she would be here forever, that she was the strongest woman in the world and nothing would ever stop her.  Sadly the one thing that could was cancer.  I know that this day is for the dad’s out there but some of us didn’t have dad’s in our lives growing up, instead we had very strong women who stepped up and did the job of both parents.  So for those of you who have felt the sting of having no male role model, know you are not alone and its okay.  No, really it is okay.  Just because we didn’t have the “traditional” families doesn’t mean we are strange or were “denied” anything.  If you were as lucky as I was to have such an amazing mother or grandmother or aunt or whoever raised you in your life… then you are whole and complete.

I remember the first time I gave my mom flowers for Fathers Day.  I was 16 and it dawned on me that she was my mom and dad so I bought her some flowers and a card with my money from my paycheck and I drove out to her bar and gave them to her.  She started crying and my heart sank.  I thought I had done something wrong.  She had to step into the back to gather herself up and get her composure back.  After a few moments she came out with a huge smile on her face and hugged me so tightly and kissed my cheek and told me how much she loved me.  Looking back now I can see those tears in a totally different light.  She wasn’t upset with me, she was flooded with emotions of love and pride and felt like someone noticed how much she was doing.  Maybe it was the first time someone had said something or done something like that for her.  I know I was the first of us kids to do it so it probably just really took her by surprise.  I have had to be both parents to my kids.  After I left and divorced my ex he stopped having anything to do with his kids, but luckily I met and married a man who has stepped up and has been a great step father to my kids.

So to my mother who also played the part of my dad… HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO YOU IN HEAVEN DEAR MOTHER..  Words cannot express how grateful I am for having those short 29 years with you, or how angry I am that I was denied so many more that I should have had.  Growing up my biggest fear was losing you, now it’s losing the memory of you.

mom and me

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