I just don’t know where to even start with this…. I’m at a loss for words.. Okay.. lets see here. First he likes the tastes and texture of eyeballs… (I just threw up in my mouth a lil thinking about that)! I can only imagine they would be slimy and squishy. Escargot comes to mind on that, which I’ve had and didn’t like. Second he says it helps with ED issues (Erectile Dysfunction) which he is battling. Now I know that Viagra and Cialis are expensive as all get out.. but c’mon dude.. really??? Eyeballs??? Just go to the local XXX store and buy some of those pills from there. They are still expensive but hell… they gotta tastes better and they never ever ever have to be in your ass at any time! Third. They’ve estimated he’s stolen thousands of eyeballs over the years…. how much sex is that man having? And if these eyeballs really do help… then I think maybe someone should figure out a way to make them into a pill to sell. They’ll be millionaires, nay billionaires within a year!
The police are investigating some knives found in his car (he works at a slaughter house) but they also don’t know what to charge him with on the eyeballs so they are talking to his employers on whether they want to press charges against him. You’d kinda hope that they would just let it go (not like they were using the eyeballs anyways) and just let this man live w/ his embarrassment for the rest of his life because you know his friends will never ever ever let him forget this. Ever.
My only true question is…. did he at least put them in baggies before shoving them up his ass, or did he just bring them home, shit them out and wash them off and cook em up? GAG.. I just threw up in my mouth again… Excuse me but I must now go brush my teeth for about an hour and hope to get that thought out of my head!