Some of the thoughts in my head….

Last Thursday I had my fifth surgery in just over 4 yrs.  This one wasn’t as bad at the previous ones, it was more superficial.  In other words they didn’t go as deep into my body as they have been so I wasn’t put under as deep as they normally put me under.   This time was more like I just went to sleep, no tube down my throat, no tape over my eye’s pulling my eyebrows out (yeah that happened), no just took a nap and woke up with incisions and pain.

As I was sitting here this morning scratching around one of the incisions (not the actual incision but I’m still pulling the stuff off around the tape) I got to thinking about all the surgeries I’ve had.. and just how many people have seen me naked?  I mean, when you are on the operating table they take your gown off, you know that gown that you have to be naked under when you go in.  So just how many people are in the room while you are having your surgery?  You have the surgeon(s) and if it’s a teaching hospital like where I go there’s a lot of student doctors involved.  Then you have the nurse(s).  Add in the Anesthesiologist (and the students for that department) and I’m thinking that at least 12 people saw me naked last Thursday.   If you know me, you know I don’t like anyone seeing me naked, hell I don’t even like seeing myself naked!

Then my thoughts went to the previous surgeries.  If there were at least 12 people in each of those surgeries then in total of at least 60 people I don’t know have seen me naked!  MIND BLOWN….

Now my next random thoughts were, what were they talking about during each of those surgeries?  Were they strictly business and discussing the surgery they were doing?  Or were they discussing their personal lives, the things they had done the previous weekend or what they had planned for the next one?  Or were they talking about me and how fugly my body is?  Now before you get all “You should love your body”.. I do.. My body has been through hell and back and is still working… but because it’s been through so much it’s not the prettiest body ever.  I have excess skin from weight loss, I have many many scars from surgeries and battles.. I have little boobs (was kinda ripped off in that department!!)  and well my ass is lower then it used to be.  So needless to say it’s not pretty… so are they making fun of it?  Are they pointing out my flaws and cracking jokes?  Or are they feeling pity for me and talking about how badly the first surgeon botched me and the hell I’ve gone through since?

Yeah… I know I’m weird.  I never said I wasn’t, in fact I do believe that I’ve said many times that I am weird.

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4 thoughts on “Some of the thoughts in my head….

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