The Greatest Gift

Today is a day I will never forget… my heart is so filled with love that there aren’t adequate words in the English language to convey what I am feeling right now.  To explain just how great this gift I received today was I must first tell you a little about why this day has been plagued for more than 30 yrs of my life.

Way back in 1978 we received the news that my father had died on this day.  He left behind 4 young children with a young wife to raise us alone.  Now before you feel bad for me, know I had the greatest mother ever so I rarely ever felt like I was missing out on something.  Only on occasion, such as the father daughter dance that I was told I couldn’t attend because I didn’t have a father is really the only time I can remember feeling like something was missing.  So after that every year this day reminded me that there was something missing, even if I didn’t feel like it most of the time.

Today though, exactly 38 years later I was given a gift that has changed this day forever for me.  A gift so great that I feel so loved and feel so much love.  My best friend in the world Nekita.. well she’s my sister now.. I adopted her more than 20 yrs ago and she’s proven that she is more family to me than 95% of my blood family called me through the Facebook app so that I could be a part of and a witness to the birth of my great nephew Sebastian Dixon.  I watched with tears in my eye’s and love in my heart as my niece did an AMAZING job delivering him.  She was a real trooper, no screams, not even a moan.  She just concentrated and pushed this little new life out into the world.

Now why is this the best gift ever?  Well even though I’ve had 2 children of my own they were both C Sections so I’ve never actually witnessed someone give birth.. and to be included in this most precious most personal moment is something that just can never be topped.  The only thing that could have made it any better would be if I could have been there in person.  Thankfully we have the technology today that I could be there to witness it all.  I’m so proud of them all and feel so loved, I only hope they all know how much I just adore and love them!

So thank you Nikki and Luis and Jaquetta for including me in this event.. thank you for giving me the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten.  Thank you for calling and making me a part of the baby shower and the proposal since I couldn’t be there in person.  Thank you for making me feel so much love.  Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy.. I love you all so much… Welcome to the world baby Sebastian.  Auntie Shannon will spoil you every chance she gets to.

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It’s time to say “I forgive you”

When we hold onto anger and hatred and disappointment in someone who has wronged us, we steal some of our own joy away.  We are not harming that person by staying angry at them (in most cases that is). Fact is that person probably doesn’t know or care that they’ve hurt you, even if they destroyed you to your core.  So you have to get to a point where you just say “I forgive you”.  Not so that they can come back into your life and either make it better or possibly screw you over again making the wound come back even worse than the first time… no you say so that you can let it go.  You have to get to a point where you mean it though, it’s easy to say “You’re forgiven” and not mean it.

So after many many many years… You are forgiven.  The Bible says “Do unto others as you would have done unto you”… I don’t believe that is always the truth.. sometimes you just don’t wan’t to do anything to the other and you pray they don’t want to do anything unto you again so that you can both live your lives free and clear of each other.

So I have to say it again.. You are forgiven.. I wish you well.. I wish you joy and happiness… but I wish you a life without me.  I may have forgiven you but I can and will never forget the pain you caused me, the scars will remain forever and I just can’t take the chance of you opening the wound again…so, again I say.. You are forgiven.. and farewell.