Maybe it wasn’t just a dream…

I was sitting in my living room, watching TV when the phone rang.  For some unknown reason I answered it, you see I don’t answer my phone because 9 times out of 10 its a bill collector and lets face it… they aren’t getting what they are calling for!  Anyways, I answered the phone and the voice on the other end took my breath away, made my heart stop for just a second.. I couldn’t talk.. I knew I must be dreaming when I heard her… “Hey baby, you coming to dinner tomorrow night?” she asked.  Oh how I wish I could hear my mom asks that question in reality.  “Yes ma’am” I said.. “We will be there by 2 tomorrow”…

The next thing I know we were at her house, oh the smells of her baking filled the nostrils making the stomach growl with anticipation.  I could almost taste the flaky cream puffs filled with chocolate pudding, the chocolate chip cookies, the country ham baking in the oven.  I walked in and noticed the Christmas Tree lit up in the front room, her snowmen all over it, the one’s I now own that darn my own tree.  I made my way into the kitchen, there she was standing with her cup of coffee as she was transferring the cookies from the cooling rack to the cookie jar.  Her smiled melted my seemingly frozen heart.  “Hey baby” she said as I almost broke out into a full force run to get to her.  She wrapped her arms around me and I could smell her, I felt her arms wrap around me, I could swear I felt her heart beating as hugged me tighter.  “Oh honey.. it’s okay.  I’m right here.  I’ve always been right here, I’ve never left you”.  We were no longer in her house but in a field.  It wasn’t winter, it was full of green green grass and flowers of all colors and Weeping Willows.  We sat in the tall grass and talked for what felt like hours.  I told her how much I’ve missed her, how hard things have become without her here.  I told her about failing myself and my kids and how honestly I sometimes wished it would just be over so I could be with her again, back in her arms knowing that everything will be okay.  She told me with a tear in her eye…”My baby girl.  You work so hard at trying to make it all perfect but your missing the point of it all.  You put so much on yourself that you’ve taken all your own happiness away.  I wish you didn’t worry so much, there’s no point in it.  You’ve been the one who has always borrowed trouble, and I’ve always wished that you wouldn’t.  You’ve never known a life without worry, without sorrow.  Being with me didn’t change that then and it wouldn’t change it now.  Please baby, look inside your own heart… see what you have accomplished in this life, see the good you’ve done, the children you’ve born and are raising.  See how hard you work and know it is not all in vain.  Learn to love yourself.  You offer so much to so many but nothing to yourself.  I am so proud of you.. proud to say your are my daughter, proud to say what a wonderful woman you grew into and what a wonderful loving mother you are.  Never ever forget that I love you”…  She hugged me one more time then said she had to go.


Estradeando… (Photo credit: Eduardo Amorim)

I begged her to stay but I knew she wouldn’t.  I knew that Heaven needed her back.  In my head that I knew that it was all a dream, but in my heart I know she was there.  She walked towards the brightest light, brighter then the sun but it didn’t hurt my eye’s.  She turned and waved to me, she blew me a kiss then she was gone.  I stood there alone in that wonderful place crying.. knowing she was gone again, just as quickly as the last time she left.  Will I see her again?  Hopefully.  Do I know she is still with me?  Yeah, I feel her still.  My heart is heavy today.. heavy with love and sorrow.  I’ve never missed anyone the way I miss her.  I love her more today then the day she died.

I’ve still angry that she left me so early but I know she is always with me… My only wish is that she would have been able to meet and hold her grandkids, and for them to know their grandmothers love.


Wish me anything you want…

Christmas is coming… Christmas is coming… are you excited for it yet?  Me either.. Bah Humbug is pretty much what I’m going to be telling people this year.  I really have no Christmas spirit.  Even though I don’t have any Christmas Spirit I’m not going to go around all Scrooge like, no.. when I say “Bah Humbug” it will be light hearted and fun.  It’s not my intention to ruin anyone’s day with my lack of Joy, so if I say it I will say it cute..  ya know.

Bah, Humbug!

Bah, Humbug! (Photo credit: PrincessFroglips)

Now, saying all of that leads me to my reasoning behind this post.  What is the big deal if someone says “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holiday“?  I understand that Christians are feeling like God is being pushed out of everything, the schools, the Government and so on.  I know if you love Jesus you love him dearly and defend him with your dying breath.  Hey, that’s great.. good for you.. but not everyone feels the way you do.  Some people do not believe in Christ, but still celebrate Christmas.  Face it, it’s more a of a Hallmark Holiday anymore then a Religious Holiday.

I seriously don’t understand the reasoning behind being downright angry when someone tells you “Happy Holidays” rather then “Merry Christmas”..  Maybe I’m not going to see you again before New Years and I just want to tell you “Hey.. I hope both your holidays are great” without having to say all of that so I simply say “Happy Holidays”.  Why do people have to get ugly about it?  I’m not telling you “Happy Holidays” in hopes that your entire month of festivities are ruined, and I’m quite positive that others who tell you that don’t mean for that to happen either.  Just like I’m quite positive that you telling me “Merry Christmas” isn’t your way of saying “Hey..  you better believe in Christ and remember him or I’m damning you to hell for all eternity”…. Take a chill pill people.  Relax.. Remember we are not all alike, we do not all believe in the same things.  If we did, it’d be one helluva boring world.

Look at it like this… if someone is taking the time to wish a Happy Holidays or a Merry Christmas or a Happy Chanukah or a Blessed Kwanza.. be happy they are thinking good thoughts for you.  They could be telling you “Hey.. go fornicate yourself and that horse you rode in on too because I don’t like the way he looks either!”  People could very easily in today’s economy take that whole Scrooge thing to a new level.  So instead of getting your panties in a wad when someone tells you something that is meant to be a  happy thing.. smile.. tell them Thank you.. same to you.. it’s a very easy and all parties leave smiling.  Now if you must get upset about it… think to yourself while smiling at them how your going to go home, build a shrine to them and perform many different ritualistic dances to ensure they will forever have bad luck and bad karma!

Day 6 of Thankfulness

Well today is day 6 of 30 on being thankful.  Today I am thankful for Coffee.  COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE.. oh how i love the smell of it brewing, the taste of it on my tongue.. I love it hot, or over ice.  I love as much as sex… yeah, I love it that much.  I thought I was destined to a life without coffee, but YAY my stomach started tolerating it again, and thank God because the bodies were starting to pile up on me and it was getting hard to keep hiding them.


So here is to COFFEE… may it forever be brewing someone near me!

Coffee cup icon

Coffee cup icon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


My favorite flavor is French Vanilla, followed closely by Hazelnut…just in case you wanted to buy me a coffee gift..hint hint.. My machine takes the K Cups..and Christmas is coming..

Should Gay Marriage be Taught in Schools?

Same Sex Marriage

Same Sex Marriage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The other day I was watching TV and one of those stupid commercials came on for the upcoming election.  I was MORTIFIED at what I was seeing.  This was an ad for Question 6,  whether or not children should be taught about Gay Marriage in schools.


This couple are possible the most ignorant judgmental closed minded individuals I think I’ve ever seen (and that’s saying a lot as I’ve had to deal with the good ol’ boy syndrome in Texas) and honestly they are the reason more and more people are turning away from “Christianity“.  What ever happened to “Love thy Neighbor?”  Can people really, truly and honestly still be this ignorant  in 2012?  How dare these people sound so judgmental and then expect people to believe they are Christians?  I myself was not brought up in the church, I have never read the bible the entire way through, but I was taught to not judge people on their lifestyles and to each their own(unless of course they are mutilating animals and sacrificing small children while eating their flesh.. that kinda goes w/o saying that I’m gonna judge you as insane) .

It makes me wonder, do people like this honestly believe that if it’s not talked about then their kids will never know about it?  Have they not had their eye’s open out in the public?  There are gay people everywhere, they no longer hide behind closed doors.  It’s not something that happens down in the seedy part of town anymore, or in a dark alley.  Parents don’t ship their kids off to a distant relative to “protect” the family name anymore if one of their own is gay.  Hollywood has made being gay not only accepted but almost expected anymore.

Nobody chooses to be gay.  It’s not like one day someone woke up and said.. “hmmm… I think I’m going to go against everything known to man and I’m going to fall in love with someone of the same sex”.  They are born gay, it’s not a disease that your child will “catch” if they touch someone who is gay.  There’s not a cure for it, contrary to the Christian Communities way of thinking.  Wait, hold on.. before anyone starts thinking it, I am not BASHING the Christian way of life.  If you are Christian, then be Christian.  Believe in what you believe in and stand tall and proud to those beliefs.. but DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE AND CONDEMN anyone for being who they are and believing in what they believe in!  That is God‘s job, not yours.  Let people be themselves and as long as they aren’t physically/mentally/verbally/emotionally hurting others leave them alone.  I know someone will say “Well I believe they are hurting my children by showing them that gay love is acceptable when the bible says it isn’t”.. yeah yeah yeah, get off your soap box and finish reading the bible.  It also “Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”  Matthew 7:1-3.  And frankly, if your going to say that then I’m going to say it’s okay for the gay community to stand up and say “Well you are hurting my children by teaching intolerance and ignorance”.

You are not protecting your child from ever knowing or seeing gay anything by keeping it out of the schools.  All you are doing is imposing your own believes on them (and yes that is what parents do).  By having a neutral party teaching them they are being taught acceptance and tolerance not ignorance and discrimination.  Of course I understand that the schools won’t be neutral simply because the person who is doing the teaching will impose their own beliefs, it’s human nature.  (By the way… this question actually does not intend to change the curriculum at all.  They are not planning on teaching about gay marriage)

I have gay friends, I myself am a bi-sexual person.  I enjoy looking at beautiful woman just as much as a sexy man.  I want my kids to understand that not all families are a mommy and a daddy and kids, that some families are 2 mommies, or 2 daddies ad that does not make them strange or horrible people.  In fact it shows the opposite, it shows they are more understanding and accepting of others that they themselves have to fight for that same understanding.  I want my kids to understand that it really is not fair that if a couple who have been together for 50 years and one of them is now laying in a hospital bed fighting for life cannot be with their loved one because they aren’t “Legally” connected to each other.  I want them to know that these people should have the same basic human rights as a traditional family.  They should not be discriminated against simply because… wait for it… wait for it.. “THEY SIN DIFFERENTLY THEN YOU”… (my favorite quote and if you read my blogs and my home page you’d know this…)

Now.. that I’ve said all of this I tried to find the offending ad on You Tube but could not locate it.  I did however find a different one, explaining perfectly what I believe everyone should know and teach.. Value’s are taught at home, not in the schools.

Question 6, teaching gay marriage in Md

Okay, now I’m stepping down off my own soap box.. This of course is just my opinion and just like assholes, everyone has one!  With all that I’ve said I hope that you all have a wonderfully terrific non judgmental day!