Okay, okay.. I’ll jump on the bandwagon.. what can I say, I cave into peer pressure. So I guess since everyone else is doing this “guest” blogger thing I will too. So who would like the opportunity to be my official first guest blogger (I know I know, my husband’s already done that but he doesn’t count.. I mean we live together)… I’m talking about one of you lucky bloggers in blogger land that I’m not married too, living with, related too or having sex with…Hit me up with a yes you would like too.. my email is email@example.com. It can be about anything you’d like (EXCEPT.. you knew this was coming…except religion, politics, or anything that’s boring, not fun, lacking of interest ect ect.) I love poetry.. I love cooking.. I love sarcasm and sex.. I love daily stupid people stories… show me what ya got!
If you’ve read any of my blogs.. you’d know how much I love what if questions. So I figured I’d post some questions for y’all to answer.. Feel free to ask me any of your own.. A special thanks to my FB friends who helped me out with some questions.. and my hubby of course.
1) What if you won the lotto?
2) What if your biggest hater won the lotto?
3) What if the Zombie Apocalypse really happened?
4) What if you met ________ (favorite celebrity) in person?
5) What if you woke up one day, and everyone was gone?
6) What if your spouse wanted to sell everything and hitch-hike across the country?
7) What if you got pregnant simply by kissing?
8) What if alcohol was outlawed again?
9) What if you had all the money you ever needed, what would you do with your days?
10) What if men were the one’s who got pregnant?
11) What if all TV/Movies stopped?
12) What if the machines came to life?
13) What if there were no internet?
14) What if you found out your spouse hired someone to kill you?
15) What if you found out your spouse committed a crime (like bank robbery)?
16) What if you bought something at a thrift store/yard sale and found something worth millions in it?
17) What if your spouse after years of marriage told you they were gay?
18) What if all the food sources ran out?
19) What if tattoo’s were mandatory?
20) What if it was illegal to get a tattoo?
Okay… so there is 20 what if questions… here are my answers..
1) I’d be hard to find
2) With my.. luck she will
3) I”m gonna blame my husband then beat him up
4) I have and I was literally speechless
5) I’d go crazy.. I’d be like Will Smith and start naming some dolls and stuff
6) I divorced him
7) Lord help me.. thank God I didn’t
8) I really don’t drink much anymore so it wouldn’t phase me
9) Well after I traveled every where I wanted too and did what I wanted too.. I’d help people
10) The species would die out
11) Hmm… I guess read.. a lot
12) I”d live in the country w/ no machines.. (and throw out the vibrators)
13) I remember the days without it.. I’d go back to that.
14) I’d kill him in an “accident”
15) I’d have to turn him in.. I’m terrified of prison… I’m just to pretty to be in prison
16) I’d run an ad in the paper, if no one could tell me what it was.. I’d keep it.
17) I’d say “prove it” cause he’s a homaphobe..
18) I’d kill myself.. I have a fear of starving to death.
19) I’d be good cause I have 5
20) I’d be a law breaker cause I have 5..
well.. I know you have all been waiting.. holding your breath.. wondering who oh who could my January crush be… well wait no more..
Sir Michael Caine! What’s not to crush on about him? He’s very distinguished looking, awesome accent, rich, he’s been knighted by the Queen herself, he’s very talented and seems to have a good sense of humor. I just love him! I first crushed on him in the early 80’s when I caught Blame it on Rio on HBO! I was hooked from there on. I try to see everything he’s in. I think this year I may make it a goal to see every movie he’s ever been in or voiced over in. If you’ve never seen him perform.. your missing out. I loved him in the Austin Powers movie.. in the Batman movies.. I loved him in Deathtrap and Dressed to Kill, and if you know me you know I love the Muppet’s and yes.. he was in the Muppet’s Christmas Carol! Now how can you not love an actor who is so versatile It’s impossible.
Did I mention he was rich too?
I love me some Michael Caine… I have to laugh though because his name is Michael.. and I have quite a few Michaels in my past.. hmmm.. must be something in the name.
Good morning my fellow bloggers… How are you this morning? Good.. ready for the end of the world tomorrow??? Yeah, me either..oh well.
So I figured today I would write and talk to you about the
joy , um hell, no that’s not the right word either.. NIGHTMARE.. yes that will do, nightmare of living with someone who truly 100% wants the Zombie Apocalypse to start.
Seriously! My husband, (if you don’t know him you should go read his Zombie Diaries at http://radaronelson.wordpress.com/ ) truly wants the Zombies to walk the Earth. He loves Zombies. He owns every Zombie movie made, he watches every Zombie movie/TV Show there is, yeah I watch them with him but that doesn’t mean I want it to happen, and owns a crap-load of Zombie books. He even verbally raped my ears by forcing me to let him read me the first book in a series called the Zombie Fallout Series, (Mark Tufo is the author and he’s awesome.. I love his writing style, sarcastic like me.. check out his site too http://www.marktufo.com/extras.html )
Now luckily for him I enjoyed the book. In fact I enjoyed it so much I read the next 4 in the series. I’m currently holding off reading the latest one simply because my son has now read the series and wants to read this one, which would be okay but he refuses to do his homework and only wants to read and we’ve told him he can’t read this one until I do. (I figured I’d let him read it over the Christmas break) I know, I’m mean.. so!
I try to understand the appeal of this impending doom happening. I mean there are some bright sides to it. I could finally go take a baseball bat to a couple of people that up until that point I will have held off the urge to do so. Bitchzilla, oh yeah.. and if she hadn’t been bit yet.. I’d pull a Shane and shoot her ass in the knee so she could hold off the other Zombies while I escaped! The ex.. oh how I would take my time on that one.. BAM.. this is for hitting me.. BAM.. this is for hitting our son.. BAM this is because your a lousy fuck.. ya know.. take out the 13 years of abuse on him. See, I have thought about the “what if”.. HA, and y’all probably thought I wouldn’t get the what if in this blog! I ALWAYS get the what if in.
Now beyond that, absolutely nothing else appeals to me about this virus. I mean if you think about it, EVERYONE you know is either dead, or living in fear of being eaten. How is that a way to live? Children have no childhood, I mean look at poor Carl in the Walking Dead, he had to witness his mother be given a C-Section with no Epidural or drugs of any kind, then he had to shoot her in the head so she wouldn’t change into one. Poor guy, I cried for him that night.. SHUT UP, I KNOW IT WAS A TV SHOW.. but I could imagine that for real and it made me cry. Another thing, the stench of death and decay everywhere you go. Dead rotting bodies everywhere. There are approximately 7 Billion people in this world.. that’s a lot of bodies laying around half eaten, decomposing or not laying around but walking around trying to eat you! Then there is the living with the knowledge that every single person/animal on the planet is infected and that when you died.. you will come back and be one of those stinky fucks. Do you want to live in a world where you have to have your children/loved one’s put a bullet in your head to keep you from turning? How traumatic is that? Why does anyone want to live like that? I have no clue. I’m terrified of it. If it happens, I will probably take my own life and my kids just so we wouldn’t have to live like that. My husband, God love his delusional soul, tells me he would protect us. Great.. glad you think you can baby but lets see here.. you can’t walk down stairs without tremendous pain in your knee, you can’t run because of said knee. You can’t walk up the 3 flights of stairs where we live without huffing and puffing so umm baby.. how are you going to out run a mob of hungry dead people? Plus.. and here’s the biggie.. WE OWN NO GUNS.. AND ONLY 1 BASEBALL BAT! No bow and arrows.. just some small kitchen knives.
So thank you anyways but no thank you. I would prefer to not ever bear witness to the great Zombie Apocalypse. I want no part of that life. And I swear to God Robert!!!! If it ever does happen.. I am truly blaming you.. it will be all your fault for wishing/dreaming/hoping and praying for it to happen! Y’all really have no idea how hard it is living with someone who gets excited for this to happen. He has our youngest daughter scared it’s going to happen, she’s even had nightmares about it. THANKS ALOT DAD! Ugh!
So they Mayan’s said the world will end this Friday…. I’m ready for the stress to stop.. I’m ready for the anger to cease… I’m ready to have some peace and quiet in my brain and not want to cry… so C’MON FRIDAY… MAKE IT QUICK.. MAKE IT PAINLESS…
Sorry.. I’m tired, and cranky and stressed out.. I just need Cheesecake.. and chocolate… and a vacation.. from reality..