You know when things start going wrong in you life you sometimes think “What next???”… and then something else goes wrong. Well this has been my year! Every time I took a step forward something happened that pushed me back 3 steps. If my math is correct I’m now 234,567.8 steps behind where I actually started on January 1, 2013!
My husband owns a PT Cruiser and I swear this is the biggest piece of crap every built! This year alone we have had to replace 18 flat tires, 3 rims, the turbo, the battery, the headlights had to be cleaned because they fogged up and wouldn’t pass the inspection for the new tag, and in the last week and a half of 2013 we had to have the catalytic converter changed then last Saturday he hydroplaned off the road and into a ditch! The insurance company has towed the car to a body shop to see if it is salvageable or if they are going to total it. Either way it’s going to cost us money we don’t have.
My car is now 8 years old and has over 120,000 miles on it. It’s been a great car with very little maintenance needed until this past year… and why this past year??? Well that would be because I paid it off last January, and of course the moment I paid it off it started going down hill! I’ve had the alternator replaced, the battery, the oil changed several times and the it still ran horrible. It idled so rough and then suddenly.. the check engine light came on. Put in the shop and they can’t find whats wrong so they try changing the spark plugs. It runs okay but it still idles rough, my mechanic tells me that it is because the car is older and the bolts holding it in are wearing down so when it starts idling harsh, put it in neutral and see if that helps. So I do this for awhile but it gets worse. Then on Thanksgiving day, after my husband called on his way to work saying he’s got a flat and has to be towed to the shop because he already had the spare on. I go to the shop to pick him up and BAM!!! Engine light comes on, car dies. Luckily my sister was in town and drove us home and let him borrow her car to get to work. Now they tell me that there is low compression in cylinder 3 and the car is misfiring. That there is a large carbon build up which is odd because car’s like mine shouldn’t get that. My mechanic (who is awesome thank God) tells me that with the age and mileage in my car they really don’t recommend putting the money into fixing is. They tell me to put some additive in with my gas fill ups and hope that it will help. Pretty much telling me that my car has cancer and is on hospice.. it’s only a matter of time. We couldn’t afford a new car for me, now we may have to get a new car to replace his…. ugh..
Lets not forget that my husband (who pays his ex over $30 K a year in alimony and child support) had his contract come to end… luckily he was finally hired on to a fed position.. just in time for the govt. shut down! So in October he starts a new job that pays quite a bit less money then he was making right in time for his bday and the starting of trying to buy Christmas for 5 kids and each other he ended a job and went w/o a pay check for a couple of weeks until he was at the new job long enough to get one there.. but that one was delayed by 16 days!!!!
If you know me, have been following our story then you know I had the RNY surgery IN 2011. Since then I’ve had several issues stemming from it. Luckily none have been life threatening but still.. since the original surgery I’ve had 2 additional surgeries. Then in March 12′ I started having shoulder pain. Fast forward a year later we have found that I have frozen shoulder in my left arm, PLUS a bulging disk in my neck PLUS nerve damage to my Ulna Nerve… Now back to the stomach problems, my surgeon has said that everything going on with me signals that I have a twist in my intestines where they reconnected the pouch to the intestines and I have yet another hernia. He has said that it will take a surgery to repair the intestines however it will be a full open up surgery that will leave me on medical leave for at least 2 months. There’s no way possible for us to survive without my pay for 2 months.
These are just a few things that went wrong last year… sometimes I feel like I just can’t breath anymore with the amount of financial debt we have piling up on us. 2013 sucked ass from beginning to end. I’d like to just through the towel in and say.. fuck it.. I’m done! But that’s not an option for me. I have 2 kids that depend on me and a husband who loves me and friends/family who need me. So..
For 2014 I’m going to just say.. “I have this”.. I’m not going to ask what’s next. I’m not going to think that nothing is ever going to go right… I’m just going to know that I have this. Even though my faith has been shaken to the very core, this year I’m going to work harder on letting know that God is there.. he has managed to get us through everything so far.. and he will continue to in the new year. There will be a lot of prayers.. and I will start a new trend for me. Every day I’m going to write down something positive that happened to me and will go to that jar of positive notes whenever I am feeling like I’ve sunk to the bottom again. I WILL FIND THE LIGHT this year.. because honestly.. I’m sick of the dark!
On a side note.. my sister.. my best friend is facing cancer again.. she has to have surgery and she is a single mother of 3.. so I’m asking everyone to pray for her.. add her to your prayer chains.. Her name is Nekita, she goes by Nikki. Thank you.