Lacy’s Journal

WHAT THE HELL!!!  I swear to God they are trying to drive me crazy.  Brianna decided that she needed a new dress for the date she was going to go out on.. so I took her shopping and everything was too ugly, too long, too boring!  She finally found one but it was $124… for a dress??? Not a gown, a friggin dress!  I refused to buy it for her and now she’s pissed off at me.  Well too bad baby girl, you weren’t born into a rich family.  I don’t even own a dress that costs that much, hell my wedding dress didn’t cost that much.   Then Derrick decided to break his leg playing basketball with his friends, ugh that was a fortune.  Little bit wants to do dance, soccer and gymnastics… UUUGGGHHH.. there isn’t enough time for me to do it all and Craig is still just all about him!  I asked him the other night if he wanted to help me do the dishes so we could just talk for awhile since we never see each other.  He said.. “no.. I have other stuff to do” and when I got done cleaning the kitchen I came out to find him passed out on the couch!!!!!  So he’d rather sleep then talk to me.  I tried to start sex with him last week, I put on my sexy black nightie and heels, did my make up and came into the room.  I got.. “Wow.. you look nice baby..” then a kiss on the cheek as he turned over to get his book.  So I went back to the bathroom.. washed my face, got my vibrator and got myself off.  Fuck it.  Fuck it all…

 

On a different note… the girls and I from work went out to lunch last Wednesday and hottie cop was there!  He smiled at me and then to my surprise he came up to me.  His name is Jackson.  He said I looked really familiar and wandered where he knew me from.  I didn’t want to sound desperate and go “Omg.. you were at my work and I saw you and ….”… so I just smiled and said.. “I do huh?”… he smiled so sweetly, he’s got a perfect smile.  Those eyes.. I could just swim in them.  I was actually a little wet after he left.  Oh what am I doing?  He’s not interested in me… and if he was.. .why would he be?  Okay.. I’m not bad.. but he’s so much younger then me!  Maybe he just wants a friend.. yeah, that has to be it.. he looks at me as a “motherly” type.  He said “I hope to see you again” when he walked out.  I find myself looking everywhere now for him.. just a glimpse.  I feel like a school girl again, and honestly… this is the excitement of my life… how sad is that?

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My first Christmas Memory

I must have been 4 or 5, I’m not sure I just know it was when my dad was still alive.  I don’t remember who woke up first, who the instigator was (probably me..lol) but us four kids crept quietly down the hall to the living room where the big fat Pine tree was glowing with the multi colored lights and tinsel that was hung carefully (because my mom insisted it was on evenly, not just thrown on).

English: A Christmas Tree at Home

English: A Christmas Tree at Home (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

We started opening up gifts, I thought quietly but apparently not..The first thing I opened was a pair of saddle shoe’s.  If you were born way back when you’ll remember them..

shoes

Oh how I loved those shoe’s.  I’m pretty sure this is where my shoe fetish started.  By time I got them out of the box and on my feet I heard my mom and dad yelling at us kids to get back to bed.  It was only 4 am.  So the 4 of us ran back to bed, me with my shoe’s still on my little feet to pretend like we were back asleep until they woke up and got us up.

kids

 

Now I’m not sure if it was the same Christmas or not..but I remember having 2 gigantic boxes under the tree with my name on them.  I was so excited.. The boxes were bigger then I was and heavy!!!!  I opened the first one and what did I find inside????  A stuffed Kung Fu Monkey (which I still have) with rocks on the bottom to weight it down… The second box..  yup.. the same.. except this one had a big stuffed mouse (which I no longer have).  My dad did that.. now you know where I get my sense of humor from.

 

I hope that today you have made memories that will last your lifetime.  Have a very Merry Christmas.  Hug your parents if your lucky enough to still have them in your life.  Hug your kids and let them know how much you love and cherish them.  Hug your spouse and let them know Christmas is complete because of them.

Happy Birthday Sugar Bug

Shelby6

 

Today, 10 years ago I gave birth, via c-section, to the tiniest cutest little baby girl ever!! I can say that cause to me she was and still is.  My delivery was scheduled and we took her 3 weeks early due to the massive amounts of stress that I was under throughout the pregnancy.  When she was born she was a tiny little ball of pink attitude (which she still has..lol).  Now I had been an insulin dependent diabetic through the entire pregnancy so when little Shelby was born her sugars kept bottoming out.  They whisked her away to the NICU where she stayed for 3 days enjoying yummy bottles of sugar water instead of formula.  When she finally got to come stay with me in my room I was so excited to finally be able to bond with her and enjoy that time a woman gets to breast feed her baby…. except Shelby wanted nothing to do with that!  The lactating nurse came in to help me thinking maybe I was doing it wrong (even though I breast fed my son), but Shelby still wanted nothing to do with it.  We tried everything, even rubbing a small amount of sugar water on my nipple to trick her into latching on.. but nope.  Instead she would get so mad and cry so hard and then suddenly her little legs would shoot out straight and she’d fall off to sleep, just like that.. instantly.  It was the funniest thing to watch and even the nurse said she’d never seen that before.  So my little bundle of joy got formula (she wouldn’t even drink the breast milk pumped out into a bottle).

On her Dedication Day

On her Dedication Day

 

After 5 days in the hospital (my dr gave me 1 extra day for rest) I brought her to a chaotic home filled with stress, yet she shined through it all, smiled and cooed..she only cried when she was hungry or wet.  She was always happy, especially if her mama was within eyesight.  She was and still is truly a mama’s girl.  I’ve often thought that my mom picked her out just for me, you see my mom died on 3/31/2000 and Shelby was conceived on 3/31/2002.  My mom never had any granddaughters and I think she knew just how badly I needed this little girl in my life and sent her to me.  She is and always will be the best Christmas gift I ever got.

shelby3

She is an exact duplicate of me, from the looks to the personality to the attitude,  only she’s better then I ever was.  She’s athletic and smart and has so much self esteem, it literally pours out of her (something I never had).  She’s turning into such a wonderful, kind hearted loving young lady.

Halloween 2012 (silly monster)

Halloween 2012 (silly monster)

I can’t imagine how I could ever be even more proud of her then I already am, but I’m sure she’ll continue to do things that make me even more proud of her!  I love love love my Shelbykins… she’s my heart and soul.. she keeps me grounded and reminds me that my heart is capable of a love greater then ever thought possible.

lookit dat face!!!!

lookit dat face!!!!

I know that in just a blink of an eye, my princess will be grown and in her own life and with her own children.  I pray that I am here on earth long enough to be there with her through all of the wonderful things that are coming her way.. and I pray she never forgets how much I love her.  Shelby.. You are truly an amazing gift sent straight from Heaven.  You are loved by many.. don’t ever change sugar bug.

 

 

Day 29 Thankful Post

Tonight as I sat at the table working on filling out the Christmas Cards I noticed my baby girl gather up some paper, sit down then start writing out things too.  I handed her a few cards and told her she could fill them out for some of her friends.  Her eyes lit up and I could just see how happy she was to be doing the same thing mommy was…. so tonight I’m thankful that my daughter loves like she does… there is truly a special bond between a mother and daughter… just like there is between a mother and son.  I’m lucky enough to have 1 of each and the bonds are completely different.  It still amazes me.

2 silly girls