What if….

If you’ve read any of my blogs.. you’d know how much I love what if questions.  So I figured I’d post some questions for y’all to answer.. Feel free to ask me any of your own..  A special thanks to my FB friends who helped me out with some questions.. and my hubby of course.

what if

1)  What if you won the lotto?

2) What if your biggest hater won the lotto?

3) What if the Zombie Apocalypse really happened?

4) What if you met ________ (favorite celebrity) in person?

5) What if you woke up one day, and everyone was gone?

6) What if your spouse wanted to sell everything and hitch-hike across the country?

7) What if you got pregnant simply by kissing?

8) What if alcohol was outlawed again?

9) What if you had all the money you ever needed, what would you do with your days?

10) What if men were the one’s who got pregnant?

11) What if all TV/Movies stopped?

12) What if the machines came to life?

13) What if there were no internet?

14) What if you found out your spouse hired someone to kill you?

15) What if you found out your spouse committed a crime (like bank robbery)?

16) What if you bought something at a thrift store/yard sale and found something worth millions in it?

17) What if your spouse after years of marriage told you they were gay?

18) What if all the food sources ran out?

19) What if tattoo’s were mandatory?

20) What if it was illegal to get a tattoo?

Okay… so there is 20 what if questions…  here are my answers..

1) I’d be hard to find

2) With my.. luck she will

3) I”m gonna blame my husband then beat him up

4) I have and I was literally speechless

5) I’d go crazy.. I’d be like Will Smith and start naming some dolls and stuff

6) I divorced him

7) Lord help me.. thank God I didn’t

8) I really don’t drink much anymore so it wouldn’t phase me

9) Well after I traveled every where I wanted too and did what I wanted too.. I’d help people

10) The species would die out

11) Hmm… I  guess read.. a lot

12) I”d live in the country w/ no machines.. (and throw out the vibrators)

13)  I remember the days without it.. I’d go back to that.

14)  I’d kill him in an “accident”

15) I’d have to turn him in.. I’m terrified of prison… I’m just to pretty to be in prison

16) I’d run an ad in the paper, if no one could tell me what it was.. I’d keep it.

17) I’d say “prove it” cause he’s a homaphobe..

18) I’d kill myself.. I have a fear of starving to death.

19) I’d be good cause I have 5

20) I’d be a law breaker cause I have 5..

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Zombie’s EVERYWHERE…

Good morning my fellow bloggers… How are you this morning? Good.. ready for the end of the world tomorrow??? Yeah, me either..oh well.

So I figured today I would write and talk to you about the joy , um hell, no that’s not the right word either.. NIGHTMARE.. yes that will do, nightmare of living with someone who truly 100% wants the Zombie Apocalypse to start.

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbur...

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbury Park NJ, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seriously!  My husband, (if you don’t know him you should go read his Zombie Diaries at http://radaronelson.wordpress.com/ )  truly wants the Zombies to walk the Earth.  He loves Zombies.  He owns every Zombie movie made, he watches every Zombie movie/TV Show there is, yeah I watch them with him but that doesn’t mean I want it to happen, and owns a crap-load of Zombie books.  He even verbally raped my ears by forcing me to let him read me the first book in a series called the Zombie Fallout Series, (Mark Tufo is the author and he’s awesome.. I love his writing style, sarcastic like me.. check out his site too http://www.marktufo.com/extras.html )

Zombie Fallout

Now luckily for him I enjoyed the book.  In fact I enjoyed it so much I read the next 4 in the series.  I’m currently holding off reading the latest one simply because my son has now read the series and wants to read this one, which would be okay but he refuses to do his homework and only wants to read and we’ve told him he can’t read this one until I do.  (I figured I’d let him read it over the Christmas break) I know, I’m mean.. so!

I try to understand the appeal of this impending doom happening.  I mean there are some bright sides to it.  I could finally go take a baseball bat to a couple of people that up until that point I will have held off the urge to do so.  Bitchzilla, oh yeah.. and if she hadn’t been bit yet.. I’d pull a Shane and shoot her ass in the knee so she could hold off the other Zombies while I escaped!  The ex.. oh how I would take my time on that one.. BAM.. this is for hitting me.. BAM.. this is for hitting our son.. BAM this is because your a lousy fuck.. ya know.. take out the 13 years of abuse on him.  See, I have thought about the “what if”.. HA, and y’all probably thought I wouldn’t get the what if in this blog!  I ALWAYS get the what if in.

Zombie trash the dress session with Orlando ph...

Zombie trash the dress session with Orlando photographer RIch Johnson (Photo credit: ~Rich Johnson~)

Now beyond that, absolutely nothing else appeals to me about this virus.  I mean if you think about it, EVERYONE you know is either dead, or living in fear of being eaten.  How is that a way to live?  Children have no childhood, I mean look at poor Carl in the Walking Dead, he had to witness his mother be given a C-Section with no Epidural or drugs of any kind, then he had to shoot her in the head so she wouldn’t change into one.  Poor guy, I cried for him that night.. SHUT UP, I KNOW IT WAS A TV SHOW.. but I could imagine that for real and it made me cry.  Another thing, the stench of death and decay everywhere you go.  Dead rotting bodies everywhere.  There are approximately 7 Billion people in this world.. that’s a lot of bodies laying around half eaten, decomposing or not laying around but walking around trying to eat you!  Then there is the living with the knowledge that every single person/animal on the planet is infected and that when you died.. you will come back and be one of those stinky fucks.  Do you want to live in a world where you have to have your children/loved one’s put a bullet in your head to keep you from turning?  How traumatic is that?  Why does anyone want to live like that?  I have no clue.  I’m terrified of it.  If it happens, I will probably take my own life and my kids just so we wouldn’t have to live like that.  My husband, God love his delusional soul, tells me he would protect us.  Great.. glad you think you can baby but lets see here.. you can’t walk down stairs without tremendous pain in your knee, you can’t run because of said knee.  You can’t walk up the 3 flights of stairs where we live without huffing and puffing so umm baby.. how are you going to out run a mob of hungry dead people?  Plus.. and here’s the biggie.. WE OWN NO GUNS.. AND ONLY 1 BASEBALL BAT!  No bow and arrows.. just some small kitchen knives.

So thank you anyways but no thank you.  I would prefer to not ever bear witness to the great Zombie Apocalypse.  I want no part of that life.  And I swear to God Robert!!!!  If it ever does happen.. I am truly blaming you.. it will be all your fault for wishing/dreaming/hoping and praying for it to happen!  Y’all really have no idea how hard it is living with someone who gets excited for this to happen.  He has our youngest daughter scared it’s going to happen, she’s even had nightmares about it. THANKS ALOT DAD!  Ugh!

My Christmas Wish list

I don’t want much for Christmas.. I’m not asking for things like the new IPhone 5, or an IPad or a new Mercedes… nope.. nothing like that.. just a few little things.. So here is my list..just in case you wanted to get me something.

5. One Beeelllion dollars..

drevil

4.  When we were kids we were promised that by time we reached our parents age we would be living like the Jetson’s … well I’m passed that age now so dammit.. I want my robot maid..Rosie..

rosie

3.  I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas..Only a Hippopotamus will do..

2.  Freaking Sharks with Laser Beams on their Freaking Heads… everyone deserves a hot meal..

sharks_w_laser_beams

and the number one thing on my wish list is…

waffleI love you waffle bot!

I don’t think my list is asking for too much, do you?  I mean, I am worthy of all of these things…right?

You like me.. you really like me… again.. :-)

560618_431496570246356_680468744_nHoly Cow… I did NOT expect to log into WordPress today and find not 1 but 2 nominations for Blog of the Year 2012!!!  How freaking amazing is that?  I would like to thank Clark Kent and Iamforchange’s Blog  for their thoughtful nominations of my little blog. They both have such wonderful styles in their writings, I truly enjoy reading both.   I started writing this blog about 10 months ago as a way of channeling my energies, a creative outlet if you will.  I have such an ecliptic blog site that it surprises me that people actually read it, and surprises me even more when they nominate me for an award!  I will do my best to continue to offer a variety and always give my opinion (whether you ask for it or not..lol).

The following is the rules for this nomination!

1 Select the blog(s) you think deserve the ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award.

Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen – there’s no minimum or maximum number of blogs required – and ‘present’ them with their award.

Please include a link back to this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award – http://thethoughtpalette.co.uk/our-awards/blog-of-the-year-2012-award/and include these ‘rules’ in your post (please don’t alterthe rules or the badges!)

Let the blog(s) you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the ‘rules’ with them

You can now also join the award’s Facebook group – click ‘like’ on this page‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award Facebook group and then you can share your blog with an even wider audience if you choose to

6 As a winner of the award – please add a link back to the blog that presented you with the award – and then proudly display the award on your blog and sidebar … and start collecting stars…

Yes – that’s right – there are stars to collect!

Unlike other awards which you can only add to your blog once – this award is different!

When you begin you will receive the ‘1 star’ award – and every time you are given the award by another blog – you can add another star!

There are a total of 6 stars to collect.

Which means that you can check out your favorite blogs – and even if they have already been given the award by someone else – you can still bestow it on them again and help them to reach the maximum 6 stars!

Here are the nominees  I have chosen for the ‘Blog of the Year 2012:

The first one is of course Clark Kent ‘s blog.. since he was the first one to nominate me I want to help him receive all of his stars.

That takes me to blogger number 2… Iamforchang’s Blog … Thank you again for nominating me

Next is MY RIGHT TO BITCH.. this guy kills me!  Every time I read his blog I know I’m gonna laugh.

Number 4 is ~Don’t Quote Lily~  even though she is on hiatis and will not be able to accept it for awhile.

And my number 5 is Crimson Lies: Vermillion Ties.. I’ve recently started following this blog and so far.. I like it.

 

Well there you have it… Due to time constraints today I’ve opted to only nominate 5 this time.  I hope you all check their sites out and keep following mine!  BTW.. if your wondering why I didn’t nominate my husbands blog (if you know us you know we blog and comment on each others all the time) it’s because he told me not too, not because I was being mean.  🙂

 

Some things are worth the extra money….

I realize that in today’s economy people are trying to save a dime anywhere they can, you know buying generic when possible, car pooling,  staying in instead of a night out on the town.. but there is just some things you should NEVER skimp on to save a dime or two..

 

5) Bread.. I’m sorry but cheap ass generic bread just tastes disgusting.  It’s not like real bread.. it’s just tasteless sponge like stuff..

4) Mac N Cheese.. I realize that the neon powdered cheese sauce in the Kraft is not the best most healthiest thing in the world but it’s a good comfort food thing, especially if you add in real cheese and some Parmesan cheese.  The generic brands of this yummy comfort food just seem to get worse and worse.  The cheese powder becomes this un-describable color, the pasta tasteless.  It’s just not worth it… pay the few extra cents if you can…

Macaroni and cheese is an American comfort food

Macaroni and cheese is an American comfort food (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

3) Soda.. Yeah.. I don’t drink it anymore but when I did, it had to be name brand.  What is it about the generic stuff?  They just seem to suck the fun out of soda’s.  Generic’s are just gross.

2) Chocolate…. have you tasted the off name brands of chocolate???? WTF do they put in that crap??? Omg.. you have to run your tongue along the road to get the taste of that crap off.  It’s absolutely horrible.  Please.. I beg you.. don’t do it.. pay the extra for the name brand stuff.  I mean I know American chocolate is gross by Europe‘s standards but still.. it’s better then the no name crap.

Chocolate

Chocolate (Photo credit: EuroMagic)

1) And last but not least… TOILET PAPER!!!!! My husband, God love him, bought some cheap ass generic shit about a month ago to try to save money.  He knows I’m completely stressed out about our current financial situation and did his best.  I commented on how much I hated this toilet paper right after the first roll went up and informed him to never never buy this brand again.  So the other day when I went to the bathroom I noticed we were on the last roll of that crap (to their defense.. it did last a lot longer) and I kinda did a little dance on the toilet at the thought of not having to use that paper again soon.. (shhhh.. dont’ tell anyone but several times I took some off rolls that were waiting to be used of the good stuff)…Well today in the car my 9 year old princess tells me out of nowhere “Mom.. I had to do a little dance yesterday”.. I asked “Why?” thinking she was going to talk about her bday party we had yesterday.. she said “Cause that really bad toilet paper is gone now.. it was so thin you couldn’t even wipe up a spill with it.. and it hurt my butt!”… Even a 9 year old can tell you shouldn’t skimp on TP!

 

 

And the Winning Lotto Numbers are….

Tonight is the Power Ball Lotto.. it’s worth $500 million, and by time the numbers are drawn probably even more then that.   I’m a huge “What if” person.  I love to play the “what if” game, even though it drives my husband completely insane.  Who knows, maybe that’s the appeal for me!  I know that a lot of people who blog are big “lists” people.. so I’m going to combine these two.  Here is my top 10 list of what I would do if I won the Power Ball Lotto tonight……. drum roll please…

 

10) Make sure the winnings are put in MY name so the bitchzilla could not go after my husband for even more alimony and child support.

9) Donate a huge chunk to cancer research (specifically colon cancer since that’s what stole my mom from me).. cancer sucks

8) Send a post card from whatever exotic location I am currently visiting to several people including one particular person with a Having fun, wish you were here  ” Having a f**king blast without you.. please forget my name and that you ever knew me. ”

7) Show up on several people’s doorstep in true Publishers Clearing House style with balloons and a big cardboard check with thousands of dollars on it while filming and surprise them!  These few have suffered greatly and continue to suffer and I would give anything to be able to help end their worries.. at least their financial ones..

6) SHOP… just friggin shop… buy anything and everything I’ve ever wanted but convinced myself I wasn’t worth it.. that spending that much money on myself was just something I wasn’t ever going to be allowed to do.. I’d own Coach purses for everyday of the week, Louis Vuitton shoes, a real diamond ring with all the shiny blings beside the big stone in the middle, a Porche, a Lexus and a fully loaded van for when we have all the kids with us!  I would walk by something and think.. awe, that’s cute I ‘d like to have it.. AND FREAKING BUY IT!!  No guilt, no talking me out of it… just buy and treasure it!

Louis Vuitton in Paris

Louis Vuitton in Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

5)  Spoil my kids.  They’re entire lives have been filled with “no, sorry.. we can’t afford that” to anything they’ve wanted.  Whether it be going to an amusement park, a zoo, buying a gaming system.. they hear no.. they’ve even heard no at the Dollar Tree.. so hell ya!  My babies are gonna get some serious stuff!  Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not gonna let them go all crazy BUT.. they will have season passes to whatever Amusement Park they want.. they will have real vacations.. they will be able to join a club if they want, do some school activity that cost extra…

4) Get on a regularly scheduled massage therapy schedule.  I got some knots that need tending in the shoulder area!

3) Have the plastic surgery I want to get my body where I may finally be happy with it!

2) Donate to the Food Bank all year long, not just at Christmas time.. why? Because it SUCKS when you have no food in the house… trust me.. I know..

Greater Boston Food Bank

Greater Boston Food Bank (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

And number 1 on my list….

 

1) BUY A FREAKING HOUSE THAT IS MINE ALL MINE AND NOT OWNED BY MY INLAWS OR MY HUSBAND OR THE BANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A place that I want, not that I have to settle for.. decorated the way I want it.. no roaches!  All new appliances with the most modern kitchen ever and plenty of fireplaces and no neighbors that are so close I can hear their toilet flush!

 

Dream Home

Dream Home (Photo credit: jeweledlion) I wouldn’t mind this one.. I don’t need a mansion.. just some room to breath..