Poltergeist Remake Review

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So over a year ago my husband and I were at the theater when we saw a preview for the new Poltergeist movie coming out.  Oh I was so excited.  I kept thinking “Oh.. they better make an awesome clown scene.  With today’s special effects they could do Amazing things.    So we waited patiently for it to come out.  Finally… it was here.. We joyfully handed over our bazillion dollars for two tickets and some popcorn and drinks (soda for him, water for me) and settled in to watch it.  I was completely pissed off and disappointed when it was over.  They completely ruined their chance at greatness with this remake!  The clown scene was stupid, there was this tiny closet in the boy’s room filled with clowns but they never explained why.. yeah I was mad.

So today I’ve decided since it’s on demand for free I will watch it again to see if I’ve missed something.  I’m going to review it as it goes along.

Right out of the starting gate… the realtor is telling them the tree has been there longer then anything else in the neighborhood… it’s a weeping willow… UH NO.. the original tree was an oak.. A mighty oak with solid branches, at least that’s what kind it looks like to me.  I’ve been unable to find the exact kind online.  They only threw this line in there to make the “tree scene” understandable later on in the movie.  Also, it’s the middle child who has the “abilities”.. but the main point in the original is Carol Ann was born in the house and had the physic connection with the house.  If you aren’t going to somewhat follow the concept of the movie, then it shouldn’t be a “remake” but a “sequel”.

The little girl in the movie (kinda has the same eye’s as Carol Ann) does have some abilities, as she talks with unseen people.  They play with her to lure her and her brother in.  So they are using the littlest one to get to the middle child who has the abilities.  If you remember, Robbie (who is the middle child in the original) actual leaves to go stay with his grandma to get away from it because he’s terrified.  Also…. if it’s a remake, why do they all have different names?  I swear this should have been a sequel and not a remake.  The boy “Griffin” is laying in his bed when he hears some music playing.  He goes to investigate when he finds a hidden little cubby and pulls a string and all these clowns fall down.  Why?  Why were all those clowns hidden in there?  What’s the back story to that?  There is none.. they just threw those in there so they could have the clown scene later.  The dad,  “Eric” just tells the son “people collect weird things”… and son after a squirrel tears off out of the closet and around the room.

The whole concept of the original movie was the spirits wanted Carol Ann’s life force.  Carol Ann and her mother were sensitives, which is why they were affected and not the men (or the oldest sister).  This movie makes it seem as though it’s just a mean poltergeist trying to hurt them.. for no other reason then to hurt them.

The dad in this one… well he’s kind of an ass.  He’s not the fine upstanding family man that the original one was.

Now the dinner scene.. they are telling the family that back in the 90’s they had family that lived there and they wouldn’t go see them because of the whole “cemetery” thing.  They go on to explain that the builders moved the cemetery and built the houses.. and the Bowen’s tell them the realtor never mentioned it.  So wait.. is this a remake or a sequel?  If it’s a remake then they shouldn’t know the house was built on a cemetery.. but if it’s a sequel why was it billed as a remake?

Now had this been an original film.. it might have been pretty good… but this was a remake and in my opinion not a very good one. Yes they paid homage to the original in many different ways but there are just too many “put there on purpose” things to make you realize this is a remake.. because with out them you wouldn’t know.

Madison walks into the closet on her own accord to get her stuffed animal… that’s not how it’s supposed to be.  They take her to get her life force, she doesn’t just offer it to them. The parents are very “calm” after they discover her in the TV, especially the father.  Remember I said he’s an ass.. I stand by that.

Now we get into the really stupid part of this remake.  They bring in the TV personality to “clean the house”.  In the original they are filming the process but for research purposes.  In this movie after they go to the college to get the help of the paranormal researchers (the mother went to that college, that’s how she knew to go there) the main researcher brings in her ex husband.. who happens to be a famous “ghosts hunter”.  Instead of the infamous steak and chicken scene followed by the face tearing off scene, this time we get the father vomiting worms and seeing black ooze coming out of his eye’s and nose in the reflection of the faucet.  Man.. they could have done some amazing effects w/ the whole face falling off scene… so disappointed.

I will say the closet scene where the jerk researcher almost had his head drilled into.. that was pretty cool.  He got what he deserved.

In this version, we actually see the girl (well her shadow) in the house.  It’s not just her voice through the TV.  Of course when the dad follows it upstairs, it’s not really her, it’s a scary demon like child that attacks him.

Now, when the “cleaner” comes in, Carrigan goes up to the room and opens the door… where were the flying toys?  Yeah yeah I know that they didn’t have to put every scene in but c’mon.. that was a classic scene.  Carrigan tells the family that he doesn’t think they did move the bodies when they moved the headstones.  That’s not how the family was supposed to find out.. bodies were supposed to pop up out of the ground!

When they start the process to getting Maddy back they give everyone a GPS tracker… umm how is that going to help if you go into purgatory?  I mean my GPS loses signal in the dead zone down the street from here.. how the hell are they going to get a signal there if I can’t get one in the middle of a huge city?  Then they decide to get the drone the father bought for the son, even though they are broke and he’s been out of work (I’ll touch on this more in a few minutes) into the closet.  Now how are they going to control the drone in another dimension?  I’m pretty sure the one’s you can buy at Target aren’t quite as good as the military ones.  I do like the special effects though when they are looking through the drone into purgatory.  That’s pretty cool.  As they are all fighting over who goes into get get Maddison, Griffin decides to go in.  He grabs the rope and in he goes.  The parents just stand there screaming.. oh hell no.. I’d have gone in after him.   Okay, when I saw this in the theater I thought maybe I missed a part.. maybe went to the bathroom or my kid called and I stepped out to answer the phone, but watching it again right now… nope.. I didn’t miss any part.  They messed up!  The scene where Eric tells Amy that everything is going to be alright and to go downstairs and wait at the rope, after she leaves he tells Carrigan this better work.  He tells Carrigan to tell them to let Maddy go since he can talk to them.  It shows Carrigan talking to them, telling them (into the closet) to let the child go, she’s done no harm.  Next they show Griffin in purgatory with Maddy who is telling him they will never let her go, it’s then we see the ghostly figures grabbing the rope and tearing at it.  It goes back to the bedroom where Eric and Carrigan are and the rope is coming out of the wall and Carrigan is laying on the floor beside Eric as if maybe the giant face from the original one jumped out and threw him backwards??? Except in this version, they don’t explain or show how he ended up on the floor behind and to the side of Eric when he was originally in front of Eric at the opening of the closet.  Good to know I didn’t go crazy there thinking I was just missing something.

Okay.. so the family gets out.. they are in the car getting ready to leave when the oldest daughter asks Carrigan to say the line “the house is clean”.. thats when the Maddy says the house isn’t clean… that they didn’t go into the light because she didn’t go into the light. The SUV they are in suddenly gets battered and flung upside down into the house.  The realize Maddy isn’t in the car when they see her on the floor where she’s picked up and flung upstairs.  The special effects fo the bodies coming out of the closet to get her are wickedly awesome.  Carrigan is outside telling the spirits to release their hold on the family.. makes me think of the Omen.  Carrigan admits to Brook (a researcher who happens to be his ex wife) that he’s tired of faking it for the camera’s and goes in to save the family.  Eric manages to get his family out when the window shuts on him.  AS the house is caving in on itself he see Carrigan in the house who tells Eric he has a job to do and evaporates into the closet.  They start to get into Brooks car to leave and that’s when the house explodes and the bodies start coming out of the ground and all hell starts breaking loose in the neighborhood.  As the researchers are looking the camera they see the GPS lighting up.

Now they are looking at a new house and the realtor says “There’s lots of closet space” when Maddy says “Our last closet ate me”.. as the realtor is talking about the house and mentions the tree she turns to see that the family is gone.

Okay, so let me touch on the part of the father like I said I would.  He’s been out of work for months since he was fired from the John Deere factory.  The mother is a stay at home mom (writer who says she isn’t writing) and they have no income coming in. He goes to the store to buy stuff to make squirrel traps where 2 credit cards are over the limit before the third one finally works.  That day he comes home with a new phone for the teen daughter because hers fried (she blamed Griffin but you know it’s the poltergeist even though they never say it) and the drone for the boy and pizza for Madison and a Pandora Jewelry for the mom.  First off, how?  How did he afford to get all of this when he already had 2 credit cards that were maxed out and a third that barely worked for the squirrel traps.  Secondly, Why?  Why would anyone go on a shopping spree if you’re out of money and out of work?  I am currently not working due to medical reasons and my husband’s pay barely pays our bills after the court ordered alimony and child support comes out.  There are many times I’d like to just go buy my kids things, but a) I can’t because we have no credit and b) I wouldn’t even if we did have the credit because I think things like rent and electric and groceries are more important then phones, drones and jewelry!  That part made no sense to me.

The movie ends with Brook and Carrigan are now working together to film their show.

The original movie is supposedly haunted as many people were injured or died shortly after the making of it.  The role of Carol Ann was played by Heather O’Rouke who died at just 12 years old.

“When filming was completed in June, Heather and her family went on a road trip from Chicago, to New Orleans, to Orlando and all the way back to Lakeside where they lived at the time. Heather was well until January 31, 1988, Super Bowl Sunday. She was unable to keep anything in her stomach and crawled into bed with her parents that night, saying that she didn’t feel well. The next morning, February 1, sitting at the breakfast table, she couldn’t swallow her toast or Gatorade. Her mother noticed her fingers were blue and her hands were cold. Kathleen called the doctor’s and was getting ready to put her clothes on when Heather fainted on the kitchen floor. When the paramedics came in, Heather insisted that she was “really okay” and was worried about missing school that day. In the ambulance, Heather suffered cardiac arrest and died on the operating table at 2:43 p.m. at the tender age of 12. Of all her achievements, Heather was proudest of being elected student body president of her 5th grade class in 1985.”

The role of Dana Freeling was played by Dominique Dunne who was strangled to death by her boyfriend at the age of 22.

“Then, at a party she met John Thomas Sweeney, the chef at popular LA nightspot Ma Maison. The two began a relationship, which turned stormy. Sweeney was uncontrollable and abusive (so abusive that Dominique did not need makeup to play the role of an abuse victim on Hill Street Blues (1981)). Dominique ended the relationship on October 30, 1982. That same night, a distraught Sweeney raced to her house, where she and actor David Packer were rehearsing a scene from V: The Final Battle (1984), dragged her outside, and strangled her, leaving her brain dead. Five days later, she was removed from life support and died, cutting short a brilliant career and leaving behind scores of shocked and angry loved ones.”

This movie is really their legacy.  They both died so very young that they didn’t get a chance to make more of a mark in this world, which is very sad.  The original Poltergeist to this day still gets me, especially knowing so many died that were in it or in the making of it.  I feel this remake failed them and did not do justice to what could have been.

If you liked this remake.. I’m happy that you did.  My husband enjoyed it.  I however did not, and that’s my opinion that I have a right to.  I mainly wrote this for those who haven’t seen it yet to let them know about it.  I’m not saying don’t see it.. I”m just saying go in knowing its nowhere near as good as the original.  And on that note.. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY… PLEASE… STOP MAKING REMAKES.  They are now in the works of remaking “Dirty Dancing” “Roadhouse” “Ghostsbusters” (not the all female version, that’s a sequel) and I’ve heard maybe even Grease… really Hollywood… can’t you come up with any new ideas?   We see how well the remakes are doing, any body remember “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?”  (btw.. Charlie now plays Norman Bates on Bates Motel)…

 

 

 

Un-Happy Endings…

 

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So my husband makes fun of me because I’m evil.  I get sick of watching those stupid movies where the good guy wins and everybody lives happily ever after… fact is.. that doesn’t happen in the real world and I’m kinda sick to death of Hollywood getting our hopes up about it… no I’m not a pessimist contrary to what my husband says.. I’m a realist.  So when I come across a movie that has a not so happy ending.. yeah.. I’m all about that shit right there!  So here’s a small list (groan.. another list Shan?)  yes another list.. oh shut up, you know you love lists…so, back to what I was saying.. a small list of the top10 unhappy ending movies that I loved!  Don’t worry.. I’m not going to give away the endings.. just know that good doesn’t prevail..

10) The Apparition

App

 

9) Philadelphia.

I know your thinking.. c’mon Shan.. he won the case, he won millions and changed the way the law worked against discrimination.. yeah but he died!  Okay.. Now if you’ve never seen this movie and I just gave away the ending to you.. your wayyyyy behind the times.  That movie came out 20 yrs ago!

8) The Fly

Oh yeah.. HELLLP MEE.. HELLLPP MEE

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7) The Butterfly Effect

6) Seven

5) The Mist

mama3

4) Chernobyl Diaries

3) The Crazies

2) A Nightmare on Elm Street… think about the ending.. remember…

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and my number one is

1) MAMA.. mama

 

 

So.. if you’ve had it with the “And they lived happily ever after” crap.. watch one of these movies… They will restore your faith in your realism!

Movie Review Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters

 

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters - Poster: Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner

 

Yesterday Rob and I went to see the new movie Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters.  I will start off by saying I pegged this movie from the start.  I had the entire story line figured out within 10 minutes of it starting, but saying that I still enjoyed seeing it.  Gemma Arterton is beautiful and unlike Kristen Stewart she has a true range of emotions you can see on her face.  She plays the part of this fairy tale character perfectly.  Jeremy Renner is just as cute as ever playing the part of Hansel.  These two had on screen chemistry and played it perfectly.  I will say however Famke Janssen stole the show!  Now, ya’ll know me and you know that I have a thing for blondes but this is one brunette who can really turn my head!  She is stunningly beautiful and really is a great actress.  I’ve liked her in everything she’s done (that I’ve seen of course).  I should hate her simply because she is 7 yrs older then I am and looks 7 years younger then me!  But, hey she’s got the money to get the touch ups and the great skin care products, I don’t.  Anyways, got off track there!  Sorry, that happens with bi-polar people who also have ADD.  Get over it cause it won’t be the only time it happens.

The story starts with the woodsman taking his kids to the forest and leaving them but you can already tell it’s not simply because they can’t afford to feed them, there is something else in the making.   The kids wonder into a house made of candy and yup, there’s a witch there.  They end up killing her and are hailed by the townsfolk and become full blown witch hunters.  They spend their lives finding and killing dark witches.  Then, many years later they are hired by a Mayor of a town to come find the witch(es) that are abducting kids from all around.  It’s then you find out that there is a blood moon coming and the dark witches are preparing for it.  Famke is the Grand Dark Witch and plays an excellent part.  She battles Hansel and Gretel kicking their asses several times.

Hansel-Gretel-Witch-Hunters-4

Now I can’t tell you what happens after simply because I’ll be giving away the ending and I don’t want to do that.  You just find out that there are a few surprises (which of course I had figured out and even told Rob what was going to happen).  You pretty much know when Edward the Troll helps Gretel out.

The costumes were awesome and the make up artist were on the spot with the witches!  It was awesome seeing some of the cool witch costumes they imagined up!

In the end good prevails, like always.  Is it just me or sometimes would you really like it if evil just kicked goods ass and ruled the world?  Oh, must just be me.. I’m in a mood today.

 

 

My crush of the month 01-01-13

well.. I know you have all been waiting.. holding your breath.. wondering who oh who could my January crush be… well wait no more..

 

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Sir Michael Caine!  What’s not to crush on about him?  He’s very distinguished looking, awesome accent, rich, he’s been knighted by the Queen herself, he’s very talented and seems to have a good sense of humor.  I just love him!  I first crushed on him in the early 80’s when I caught Blame it on Rio on HBO!  I was hooked from there on.  I try to see everything he’s in.  I think this year I may make it a goal to see every movie he’s ever been in or voiced over in.  If you’ve never seen him perform.. your missing out.  I loved him in the Austin Powers movie.. in the Batman movies.. I loved him in Deathtrap and Dressed to Kill, and if you know me you know I love the Muppet’s and yes.. he was in the Muppet’s Christmas Carol!  Now how can you not love an actor who is so versatile   It’s impossible.

Did I mention he was rich too?

I love me some Michael Caine… I have to laugh though because his name is Michael.. and I have quite a few Michaels in my past.. hmmm.. must be something in the name.

 

Zombie’s EVERYWHERE…

Good morning my fellow bloggers… How are you this morning? Good.. ready for the end of the world tomorrow??? Yeah, me either..oh well.

So I figured today I would write and talk to you about the joy , um hell, no that’s not the right word either.. NIGHTMARE.. yes that will do, nightmare of living with someone who truly 100% wants the Zombie Apocalypse to start.

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbur...

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbury Park NJ, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seriously!  My husband, (if you don’t know him you should go read his Zombie Diaries at http://radaronelson.wordpress.com/ )  truly wants the Zombies to walk the Earth.  He loves Zombies.  He owns every Zombie movie made, he watches every Zombie movie/TV Show there is, yeah I watch them with him but that doesn’t mean I want it to happen, and owns a crap-load of Zombie books.  He even verbally raped my ears by forcing me to let him read me the first book in a series called the Zombie Fallout Series, (Mark Tufo is the author and he’s awesome.. I love his writing style, sarcastic like me.. check out his site too http://www.marktufo.com/extras.html )

Zombie Fallout

Now luckily for him I enjoyed the book.  In fact I enjoyed it so much I read the next 4 in the series.  I’m currently holding off reading the latest one simply because my son has now read the series and wants to read this one, which would be okay but he refuses to do his homework and only wants to read and we’ve told him he can’t read this one until I do.  (I figured I’d let him read it over the Christmas break) I know, I’m mean.. so!

I try to understand the appeal of this impending doom happening.  I mean there are some bright sides to it.  I could finally go take a baseball bat to a couple of people that up until that point I will have held off the urge to do so.  Bitchzilla, oh yeah.. and if she hadn’t been bit yet.. I’d pull a Shane and shoot her ass in the knee so she could hold off the other Zombies while I escaped!  The ex.. oh how I would take my time on that one.. BAM.. this is for hitting me.. BAM.. this is for hitting our son.. BAM this is because your a lousy fuck.. ya know.. take out the 13 years of abuse on him.  See, I have thought about the “what if”.. HA, and y’all probably thought I wouldn’t get the what if in this blog!  I ALWAYS get the what if in.

Zombie trash the dress session with Orlando ph...

Zombie trash the dress session with Orlando photographer RIch Johnson (Photo credit: ~Rich Johnson~)

Now beyond that, absolutely nothing else appeals to me about this virus.  I mean if you think about it, EVERYONE you know is either dead, or living in fear of being eaten.  How is that a way to live?  Children have no childhood, I mean look at poor Carl in the Walking Dead, he had to witness his mother be given a C-Section with no Epidural or drugs of any kind, then he had to shoot her in the head so she wouldn’t change into one.  Poor guy, I cried for him that night.. SHUT UP, I KNOW IT WAS A TV SHOW.. but I could imagine that for real and it made me cry.  Another thing, the stench of death and decay everywhere you go.  Dead rotting bodies everywhere.  There are approximately 7 Billion people in this world.. that’s a lot of bodies laying around half eaten, decomposing or not laying around but walking around trying to eat you!  Then there is the living with the knowledge that every single person/animal on the planet is infected and that when you died.. you will come back and be one of those stinky fucks.  Do you want to live in a world where you have to have your children/loved one’s put a bullet in your head to keep you from turning?  How traumatic is that?  Why does anyone want to live like that?  I have no clue.  I’m terrified of it.  If it happens, I will probably take my own life and my kids just so we wouldn’t have to live like that.  My husband, God love his delusional soul, tells me he would protect us.  Great.. glad you think you can baby but lets see here.. you can’t walk down stairs without tremendous pain in your knee, you can’t run because of said knee.  You can’t walk up the 3 flights of stairs where we live without huffing and puffing so umm baby.. how are you going to out run a mob of hungry dead people?  Plus.. and here’s the biggie.. WE OWN NO GUNS.. AND ONLY 1 BASEBALL BAT!  No bow and arrows.. just some small kitchen knives.

So thank you anyways but no thank you.  I would prefer to not ever bear witness to the great Zombie Apocalypse.  I want no part of that life.  And I swear to God Robert!!!!  If it ever does happen.. I am truly blaming you.. it will be all your fault for wishing/dreaming/hoping and praying for it to happen!  Y’all really have no idea how hard it is living with someone who gets excited for this to happen.  He has our youngest daughter scared it’s going to happen, she’s even had nightmares about it. THANKS ALOT DAD!  Ugh!

Day 10 Thankful

What am I thankful for today?  With the mood I am in.. not much.. so I’m reaching for something here..

 

Okay.. I’m thankful that my husband has off tonight and we are going to go have a day date after I get off work… maybe go see Skyfall..

Love me some James Bond

 

so on this cooler (or cold where ever you may be located at) day.. I hope you get to have a date with your honey and just be happy together.