Nice Shiner there buddy

Today was going to be a stressful day, I knew it from from the beginning.  I knew it yesterday, hell I’ve known it for a few weeks now.  We have this one student at work who came to us through an agency and made a huge stink with them about the school so they decided to come do a walk through and check us out.  Not only because of him but because they never did it before they certified us as a school for them.  Which wouldn’t be so bad but.. (and this is the big BUT).. it meant my boss would be here today.. plus he’d be here extra early so I’d get to deal with him even longer.

But then.. around 8:40 this morning my son’s school calls me and tells me that he’s been hit by a soccer ball and his eye was swelling and bleeding and I really need to come and get him and take him to the doctors.  So I called my boss and told him, yes told him I was leaving.  I didn’t ask and I didn’t waiver in my voice at all.  I flat out told him my son was injured and I had to go take him to the ER (only because we can never get into our dr’s at a moment’s notice).  He said okay that he was almost at work and he’d see me later.  SHOCK.. I know.. I think he got laid this past week.

So I get to the school and walk in to find my precious bundle of teenage maleness sitting in the clinic, feet up, eye’s closed and this is what I saw..

Image

Purty, isn’t it?  So I guess what happened was a kid kicked the ball wrong and it flew into my son’s face, right into his glasses which in turn slammed into his eye lid and cut it.  We went to the ER and the dr there did some really cool things to check out his eye.  After she numbed it she wiped some stuff on his eyeball and turned the lights off and put a black light up to it and he was glowing in the dark!  It was so cool.  She said that he didn’t damage his eye (Thank God) and that he could go back to school tomorrow.   So I  rush him home, rush back to work and my boss was so shocked that I got back by lunch he didn’t even dock me for the 3 hours I missed!  Yeah, he got laid.

Whats really funny is my son apparently wants to impress a girl tomorrow so he asks me “Mom… what can I tell her happened?  I can’t say that I was hit in the face with a ball.. she’ll think I’m lame.. What if I tell her I got rolled in the hood and fought off 3 attackers”… haahahahahahaha…  Okay.. after I stopped cracking up in my head I explained to him that he shouldn’t start a relationship off on a lie, it always ends up destroying the relationship.  Even if they aren’t intentional lies.

So that was my day.. how was yours?

I know why the caged bird sings by Maya Angelou

A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.

English: Caged bird, Ward Park As well as the ...

English: Caged bird, Ward Park As well as the many free to roam around the grounds, Ward Park in Bangor also has many exotic caged birds. This is a budgerigar. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Your gonna hear noises that sound like a construction site….

So last night I had to go get an MRI done on my shoulder.  I did something to it months ago and it’s getting progressively worse everyday so I had the MRI done so they can see what kind of damage I did to it.  Now a little known fact (well for you my dear readers) is that I am claustrophobic.  It’s not severe, I mean I can handle things like elevators (as long as they are not jammed full) and cars (as long as the window is cracked).  As long as I feel air for the most part I’m okay.  Now riding Metro in rush hour… not so much

crowded metro platform

crowded metro platform (Photo credit: woodleywonderworks)  THEY ARE BREATHING IN MY OXYGEN

Anyways… over the last couple of years I’ve had test after test after test followed by surgery after surgery after surgery.  Every last one of these test have been in open machines.. Open CT scanners ect.  So last night I figured it would be the same thing, I mean it’s military and they have the state of the art equipment.  I get there early and to my surprise they take me right back..cool.. that never happens.  I get to leave my clothes on except my bra cause it has wire in it, oh and all jewelry except my wedding rings (which since my husband has lost his I guess I really don’t need anymore).. So I take the bra off and wrap a gown around me cause well.. it was cold in there dammit and w/ no bra on and just a t-shirt.. well yeah.. gown was needed!

The guy is walking me to the room and telling me “It takes about 20 minutes and it’s loud.  It sounds like a construction site but dont’ worry, it’s just the machine, it’s not broken or anything”.. okay… my mind still focusing on how cold it was in there.  Then he hands me off to the tech who is a very nice lady, looked to be around my age.  We walk in the room and oh dear lord it’s -20 in there!  I start talking to her about how cold it is and how can she stand it (never seeing the deathtrap in the room).  She jokes that’s why she has on 3 shirts and her scrubs.  She has me lay down on the bed and slide my head up to the pillow and OH MY FREAKING GOD IT’S A COFFIN.. WAITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLD UP HO… YOU WANT TO PUT ME IN THIS TUNNEL OF DEATH?????????????

tunnel o death

tunnel o death

“Claustrophobic are we?” she asked as my already white skin turned almost transparent as the blood rushed out of my face, down somewhere out of my feet.  “Ummm yeah.. and no one told me this was a closed MRI machine” I said, trying desperately not to sound like a frightened 2 year old.. but failing miserably.  She tells me they have earphones specially made for the machine and I could listen to music if I wanted.. Seriously lady.. you have to ask me that???? YES GIVE ME MUSIC AND BLARE IT IN MY EARS… She tells me “I have Journey on my phone” …. SOLD TO THE PANICKED LADY IN THE GOWN… So I put on the headphones and she slides me in the tunnel of doom… breath.. breath.. breath Shannon.. dammit, breath woman.. omg I’m gonna die because I’ve forgotten how to breath!!!!  “I turned the fan on in there.. is that good or do you want it on higher or lower?”… can’t this woman hear me screaming.. “FUCK THE FAN.. GET ME OUT“….. “umm yeah.. that’s good” I squeaked  out.  

So it starts… It sounds like a freaking Jack Hammer is going off in that machine.. it’s banging, pounding, shimmying, and twitching.. I try to keep my eye’s closed the whole time but I think the machine is collapsing in on me so I have to check.. OMG THE CEILING IS ALMOST TOUCHING MY NOSE.. I can’t breath.. wait.. I’m breathing too hard.. she comes on over the headphones “Your doing great.. try not to move, I’m getting great pictures.. you’ve only got 17 more minutes to go”… ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? I’VE ONLY BEEN IN THIS TORTUROUS HELL FOR 3 MINUTES??? Shoot me please..

Steve Perry is singing.. “My city by the bay”… I’m singing it loudly in my head.. my body tense from not moving.. concentrating hard on not breathing to hard, but not holding my breath for the next 17 minutes either.  Oh my god oh my god oh my god.. the walls just moved in a little closer… I’m fucked!  “Only 10 more minutes to go” she chirps… “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU RANCID WHORE” is what I would have said if I could have managed.. but all I got out was “K”…

images (1)

The next 10 minutes were sheer torture… my body covered in sweat even though it was negative 20 in the room.  My shoulder screaming at me at the way they had it secured down.  I had an itch on my knee I couldn’t get too… the fan was blowing my little short hairs in my face tickling it…. AND THE WALLS KEPT CLOSING IN ON ME.. SOMEONE PLEASE.. GET ME OUT.. GOD TAKE MY SOUL NOW.. LET ME OUT OF HERE… “All done.. coming to get you”.. OH THANK YOU JESUS.. and the angels sang out!!!!!!!!!!  The look on her face when she saw my face was kinda like Beaker there.. “OH honey.. your okay.. you did good and it’s all over.. and just remember this is the best test we can do to help find out what’s wrong with your shoulder”… as I’m wiping away the tears that are falling despite me trying my hardest to control them.  I get out and have my husband call me.. just the sound of his voice brings my blood pressure down a bit.  I get home.. bathe and take some meds… and tried desperately to not dream about being in a grave!

Zombie’s EVERYWHERE…

Good morning my fellow bloggers… How are you this morning? Good.. ready for the end of the world tomorrow??? Yeah, me either..oh well.

So I figured today I would write and talk to you about the joy , um hell, no that’s not the right word either.. NIGHTMARE.. yes that will do, nightmare of living with someone who truly 100% wants the Zombie Apocalypse to start.

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbur...

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbury Park NJ, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seriously!  My husband, (if you don’t know him you should go read his Zombie Diaries at http://radaronelson.wordpress.com/ )  truly wants the Zombies to walk the Earth.  He loves Zombies.  He owns every Zombie movie made, he watches every Zombie movie/TV Show there is, yeah I watch them with him but that doesn’t mean I want it to happen, and owns a crap-load of Zombie books.  He even verbally raped my ears by forcing me to let him read me the first book in a series called the Zombie Fallout Series, (Mark Tufo is the author and he’s awesome.. I love his writing style, sarcastic like me.. check out his site too http://www.marktufo.com/extras.html )

Zombie Fallout

Now luckily for him I enjoyed the book.  In fact I enjoyed it so much I read the next 4 in the series.  I’m currently holding off reading the latest one simply because my son has now read the series and wants to read this one, which would be okay but he refuses to do his homework and only wants to read and we’ve told him he can’t read this one until I do.  (I figured I’d let him read it over the Christmas break) I know, I’m mean.. so!

I try to understand the appeal of this impending doom happening.  I mean there are some bright sides to it.  I could finally go take a baseball bat to a couple of people that up until that point I will have held off the urge to do so.  Bitchzilla, oh yeah.. and if she hadn’t been bit yet.. I’d pull a Shane and shoot her ass in the knee so she could hold off the other Zombies while I escaped!  The ex.. oh how I would take my time on that one.. BAM.. this is for hitting me.. BAM.. this is for hitting our son.. BAM this is because your a lousy fuck.. ya know.. take out the 13 years of abuse on him.  See, I have thought about the “what if”.. HA, and y’all probably thought I wouldn’t get the what if in this blog!  I ALWAYS get the what if in.

Zombie trash the dress session with Orlando ph...

Zombie trash the dress session with Orlando photographer RIch Johnson (Photo credit: ~Rich Johnson~)

Now beyond that, absolutely nothing else appeals to me about this virus.  I mean if you think about it, EVERYONE you know is either dead, or living in fear of being eaten.  How is that a way to live?  Children have no childhood, I mean look at poor Carl in the Walking Dead, he had to witness his mother be given a C-Section with no Epidural or drugs of any kind, then he had to shoot her in the head so she wouldn’t change into one.  Poor guy, I cried for him that night.. SHUT UP, I KNOW IT WAS A TV SHOW.. but I could imagine that for real and it made me cry.  Another thing, the stench of death and decay everywhere you go.  Dead rotting bodies everywhere.  There are approximately 7 Billion people in this world.. that’s a lot of bodies laying around half eaten, decomposing or not laying around but walking around trying to eat you!  Then there is the living with the knowledge that every single person/animal on the planet is infected and that when you died.. you will come back and be one of those stinky fucks.  Do you want to live in a world where you have to have your children/loved one’s put a bullet in your head to keep you from turning?  How traumatic is that?  Why does anyone want to live like that?  I have no clue.  I’m terrified of it.  If it happens, I will probably take my own life and my kids just so we wouldn’t have to live like that.  My husband, God love his delusional soul, tells me he would protect us.  Great.. glad you think you can baby but lets see here.. you can’t walk down stairs without tremendous pain in your knee, you can’t run because of said knee.  You can’t walk up the 3 flights of stairs where we live without huffing and puffing so umm baby.. how are you going to out run a mob of hungry dead people?  Plus.. and here’s the biggie.. WE OWN NO GUNS.. AND ONLY 1 BASEBALL BAT!  No bow and arrows.. just some small kitchen knives.

So thank you anyways but no thank you.  I would prefer to not ever bear witness to the great Zombie Apocalypse.  I want no part of that life.  And I swear to God Robert!!!!  If it ever does happen.. I am truly blaming you.. it will be all your fault for wishing/dreaming/hoping and praying for it to happen!  Y’all really have no idea how hard it is living with someone who gets excited for this to happen.  He has our youngest daughter scared it’s going to happen, she’s even had nightmares about it. THANKS ALOT DAD!  Ugh!

“I am Adam Lanza’s Mother”

I came across this article this morning and it brought tears to my eye’s.  I could very easily have written this letter myself.. I’ll let you read it then tell you why..

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

 

In 1997 I gave birth to a big beautiful baby boy who was almost 2 weeks over due.  I knew within the first week after his birth that something wasn’t normal.  He didn’t sleep like a newborn baby, he was always hungry always moving.  By 10 months old he had stopped taking naps altogether, and on the rare occasions I got him to sleep during the day he would sleep for about 15 minutes then he would be wide awake until 4 in the morning, he’d sleep for an hour to an hour and a half then go full speed until midnight the next night.  I was exhausted.  When the school pitched a fit at 5 yrs old that he needed medication I broke down and took him to his dr and told him what the school had said he told me “I knew he had severe ADHD when he was just 2 but there was nothing I could do for him until he was at least 5”.  This put us on a path of more doctors, more medications more everything.  In the spring of 2002, right after the birth of my daughter my son was no longer my son.  He was something different.  There was no light in his eye’s anymore, his baseball picture looked like a zombie.  His temper rose and with everything we had went through with him, anger was not one of them.  He had never been a violent child, always very loveable and tender hearted and needy, but never angry.  The medications they had him on were enough to kill a horse and even though I complained to the dr’s that I felt they were giving him too much the schools were screaming he wasn’t getting enough.  I was trapped.  One night my son tried to take a baseball bat to my ex husbands head (keep in mind though that he was a violent angry man so it makes sense that Jon did that).  We called his dr who said take him to the hospital on the other side of Houston.  I feared for the life of my newborn baby girl, for my life and my husbands and we admitted our son into a mental institute at the age of 5.  He spent 18 days there getting his medications changed.  They said his blood was toxic from the different cocktails they had him on.  When he left he was on fewer meds but higher doses of things like Depakote and Lithium.  You will never know and understand true pain and anguish until you have to force your 5 year old baby to take drugs that could literally kill him.

When you think of mental illness, is this what...

When you think of mental illness, is this what you see? (Photo credit: JenXer)

Fast forward 10 years and my son is still struggling to fit into this world.  He is my square peg in a round world.  He is down to 4 different medications at a lot lower of a dose.  He takes medications to help his brain turn off so he can sleep, he takes something for depression to help him stay out of fantasy world and in reality and medication for the severe ODD/ ADHD/ OCD TRIATS and the no executive skills.  They have been debating on whether they want to label him with Aspergers or not.  His therapist said she’s thought from the start he had it but the other dr said that even though he show’s all symptoms of it she didn’t believe he had it, that he just “mimicked” it.   My son has a heart of gold but is terrible moody.  He’s still not violent and I do not believe that he could ever hurt anyone intentionally but I bet the mothers of those listed in the article said the same things.

It is time to stop debating on whether or not we need to ban guns, or regulate guns or blame the president or congress.  The fact is we need better health care.  Not just for those who are sick with the flu or cancer but those stricken with mental health issue’s.  Make it easier for people to receive the care they need.  I believe it takes a village to raise a kid.  We should all be looking out for one another.  60 years ago when a child did something wrong it wasn’t uncommon for whatever adult was there to correct them, then tell the parents about it and the parents stood united with the other adult.  The children knew that if they were busted there was consequences.  IT wasn’t all about the parent and people questioning how the parent was well, parenting.. it was about ensuring the child learned wrong from right.  We need to get back to basics.

I would also like to say that I firmly believe that if you look at the rise in mental illnesses in this country, you will see they coincide with the uses of chemicals in our foods.  These chemicals may have been meant to help make food last longer but they are messing with our brains.  Girls are developing at 8 and 9 years old now, BECAUSE OF THE HORMONES INJECTED INTO THE MEATS WE EAT.  My OB/GYN told me when I had Shelby to not let her eat chicken nuggets from any fast food place because of the massive amounts of chemicals they put in the chickens.  Milk should not last 3 to 4 weeks, Bread should not be good for a month either.  Take the chemicals out of the food and I bet the mental illness claims will drop drastically.  Just my opinion though.

Still??? When will this ridiculousness stop?

abc_gma_check_jt_121209_wmain

I just read this article and I must say I am so completely outraged over this.  Here is the link, take a minute and read it then come back.. I’ll wait..  http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/customers-called-fat-girls-restaurant-bill-165554715–abc-news-topstories.html

SERIOUSLY?????  When oh when will people stop looking at the color of someone’s skin, the size of their jeans, the shape of their eye’s to judge what kind of people they are?  As someone who use to weigh over 260 pounds I understand these women’s complete and total shame and guilt and humiliation they are now reeling from.  I only hope and pray that they stand their ground and do not stand for anything less then a public apology and serious disciplinary actions against the individuals who not only did it, but laughed at it and joined in on it. Hell I hope they take them to civil court.  I understand that the business owner was not there and cannot control the employee‘s 100% and has already apologized so I do not believe that he should be sued over this.  The people who did this however, can and should be sued.

I remember going out to eat when I was 8 months pregnant with my son.  It was an all you can eat Chinese Buffet.  I seriously did not eat that much because my son was killing my stomach and I couldn’t get much in.  I ate one plate that only had about half of it filled and went back to get an egg roll.  This horrible woman who worked there and knew me and the other employee’s I worked with because we ate there a few times a month, usually once a week at least, looked at me and said ‘You so fat, you no need second helping”!  I was humiliated beyond belief.  My co-worker Barbara told the woman “She’s not fat she’s pregnant you witch” and the woman apologized but by then the damage was done, I was humiliated and in tears.  This wasn’t the first time I had been completely degraded while eating, I guess fat people are never suppose to eat because we have enough fat stored on us that we don’t need to ever eat again.

The really ironic thing is, now I’m down to 147 pounds, I’ve lost over 120lbs from my heaviest weight and I’m still discriminated against.  I’ve had people tell me “Your TOO skinny, you need to eat”.  My own nephew (who was extremely angry with me) called me an “Anorexic B**ch”, ya know because if your skinny you obviously have a eating disorder, ESPECIALLY if you loose weight.

Because of all the name calling I’ve heard my entire life I now suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  It will never matter how much weight I lose or gain, the plastic surgeries I am facing to correct the problem areas I’m always going to hate my body, thanks to people like these ignorant jerks.  Nothing would please me ore then to see them become fat one day and have someone make them feel the same way.

 

Advocate Against Discrimination

Advocate Against Discrimination (Photo credit: FreePride Foundation Project)

The human barometer….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This picture is me, after my weight loss.  Before I had the bypass surgery I had pretty intense pain in my left hip.  I could not sit Indian style to save my life.  I couldn’t sit on the floor at all and play with my kids, it really sucked.    No matter what I did I could not make the pain better so I started on Celebrex, which helped a great deal.  I was informed before the surgery that I would not be able to take Ibuprofen products ever again but I decided that I would go ahead because I was also told that if I got the weight off the Arthritis pain in my hip would most likely go away.  It was a win win thing, have the surgery, lose the weight and not have that hip pain anymore PLUS take one less pill every day.  Hurt my feelings!

About 3 months ago I noticed my hip was hurting again, and now I had a weak feeling pain in my left ankle and a sharp pain in my left shoulder.  One night while climbing into bed my husband accidentally bumped my left leg with his leg and the pain that shot through me had me in tears.  I thought he broke my hip somehow, I was literally afraid to move it.  Of course it wasn’t broken, but did hurt for days.  As the weeks went on I noticed the pain in the shoulder was getting worse and the left ankle was feeling weaker and weaker.  I finally got to the doctors who took X-rays of the hip and shoulder and…. you guessed it!  I’m falling apart.  I’m old.  I hit 40 and fell apart.   I think I signed a warranty for my body sometime back as a baby and it ran out on August 29, 2011.  The doctor called me and told me that I have severe to moderate arthritis in my shoulder now and in my hip PLUS there is a bone spur in the hip.   (side note, she did not xray the ankle and it still hurts but don’t know if I have arthritis in it or not).

I go to the Sports Medicine clinic on November 16 to see what they can do for me.  Since I had the gastric bypass I cannot take any kind of  ibuprofen based medicine (which is typically prescribed such as Celebrex) so I have no clue of what I will be able to do or take. I hope they can do something for me as this problem is affecting my sex life dammit!  I’m much to young to not be able to have sex because I’m hurting!  I hate that every time the clouds roll in I can’t lift my arm up, scratch my back or hell even fasten my own bra!   I am truly much too young to feel this damn old!