New York.. Oh how I loved thee!

Last week my best friend in the world treated me to 4 day of fun and an escape from reality.  She took me to New York City, the Big Apple.. the city that never sleeps.  Some place I have always dreamed of going, but believing I would never get to.  Last Monday we loaded the truck and headed off to have our adventure.  Our first stop along the way was in Philadelphia!  As her and I are true foodies, we had to decide for ourselves which had the better cheese steak sandwich, Pats or Geno’s.

Geno’s won hand’s down!   The bread was buttery and soft, the cheese gooey, the meat was tender.  Oh we enjoyed every single bite of them.  I even have a “grease” stain on my pants from where it drained through the paper towels!   Now that’s how you know it’s good!

After she navigated through those extremely tiny car filled claustrophobic one way streets we were back on the highway heading north… singing “In west Philadelphia born and raised.. on the playground is where I spent most of my days”…  C’mon now, y’all sing it with me.  You know the words.

After several hours we made it to our hotel in New Jersey and I have to say… omg what a dump.  We couldn’t help but laugh!  The beds were hard as the ground, the carpet was obviously the same carpet they put in when they built the hotel and it has NEVER been cleaned.  The outlet in the bathroom didn’t work which meant no hair dryer because that was bolted to the wall in the bathroom.  The toilet had those stains down the sides that you could tell were not hard water stains.  Yeah, it was bad, but that’s okay because we didn’t plan on being in the room much.  We got there later in the afternoon so we figured we’d save Manhattan for Tuesday and instead decided to head to Carlo’s Bakery in Hoboken New Jersey.  

If you ever get the chance to go to one of his shops… go!  The Lobster Claw is to die for!  We got Lobster Claws, Cookies, an Eclair (there were 3 of us), a Macaroon… And we gobbled every bit up!  Yeah, we are greedy.  We spent the evening in the room, enjoying our goodies and chatting.. the excitement growing for NYC the next day.  I was finally going to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island and who knew what else.

Tuesday morning found us up and on the way to Liberty State Park where we caught the Ferry to Ellis Island then over to the Statue of Liberty.

Words cannot do justice the emotions that come over you seeing lady liberty in all her glory in person.

Yup, that’s me with the New York Skyline behind me ( I have no clue who the rugrat is, he photo bombed my pic).  There was the Statue of Liberty.  I’d seen her a million times in movies and photos but never in person.  She is stunning!  Walking through the inside, seeing the different things inside, how she stands.. just amazing.  We didn’t have the crown pass so we only got to go to the platform.  After touring around we hopped on to the New York Ferry and headed over to NYC.  It was so cold, and so windy but that wasn’t going to stop us.  After a few minutes we were in New York.  I couldn’t believe it.  Me, standing in New York’s Financial District.  After a few moments of walking we saw the Raging Bull.  I wanted to get my picture with it but there was a very long line and frankly, it was cold and we didn’t want to wait.  We made our way up to the 9/11 Memorial.  You can feel the pain, the fear.  The tears fall no matter how hard you try to hold them in.  You find yourself hurting for thousands you never even knew.  Knowing so many are reposed behind a wall because they could not be identified is truly heartbreaking.

After seeing the memorial then the Museum we realized we needed to head towards the ferry to make our way back to the car, problem was it was now 7:30 and the water taxi’s stopped at 5:15.  Oh the fun we had trying to figure out the subway system to get us to the metro to take us to the Path Train so we could get on the light rail.  Then when we FINALLY make it to the train platform in Jersey… but our car is about 2 miles away!  AND WE ARE OFF.. 3 women in the dark trying to find our way to the park to get to the car before the park closes.  LOL.  My best friend has an oxygen tank but that did not stop her from almost out right running to make it on time!  Somehow she managed to get to the car in time and we headed back to the hotel.  By this time all we had to eat was Subway.. yes, we make it all the way to NY and we eat Subway.

The next morning we all get up and head back into the city!  This time parking at the train platform so we had until 11:59 pm to make our way back.  Plenty of time!  We decide to go uptown this day, check out the Museum section of the city.  Our first stop was the Guggenheim.  If that is your idea of “art” then I can honestly say I don’t understand you at all.  This museum was less then interesting to say.

After our pretty much run through of this waste of our time museum we decided to head up to the Met.  Now this is a Museum.  It’s absolutely stunning!  I wanted to spend days in it.  I could spend days in it.  I want to go back and see every single piece of art in there.  I stood in awe of some of the most amazing art pieces in the world.  Before we made it to the Met we stopped by Central Park to take a quick picture.  You can’t go to NYC and not at least see Central Park, right?  We didn’t go through it because there just wasn’t enough time to do it all.  Before we crossed over to the park my bestie made me try a New York Hot Dog…..

 

Now to understand this you must understand that I a) do not like Hot Dogs and b) am disgusted at the thought of hotdogs sitting around in nasty water all day long.. but when in Rome.. so here we are.. me holding it getting ready to try it.. and me trying very hard to not gag and throw it up… lol.  She made me eat that bite!  So gross.. she however enjoyed the rest of it.

 She loved it!  🙂

 

Off to Central Park…

Now the Met!  There’s no slowing down in NYC.. even for someone using a cane and someone with an oxygen tank.  Okay, so we walked slowly… but that doesn’t slow the city down.  This is so beautiful…

After the met we hopped on a bus and headed up to the Empire State Building.  WOW.. what a beautiful building.  When we got to the top one side was nice.. the other two were so cold!  The wind was blowing so hard you could almost be blown over.

After this we hopped on a subway and headed to Time Square.  This was everything I’ve ever imagined.  The lights, the smells, the sounds.. the PIZZA.. the people.. It’s everything TV has made it out to be. Famous Ray’s Pizza.. yeah.. I’m going back there one day!

Believe it or not… we ended up doing a mad dash to find the right train to make it back in time again..lol.  Making it back at 11:56 pm!  Three minutes to spare!  We laughed so much our stomachs hurt!  I had a true NY experience.  The only thing I didn’t see, was a NY rat.. you always see them on TV.  We didn’t see one!  We got in a pee soaked elevator, twice.  We had Pizza and  Hot Dog, saw the sights… but nope.. no rats.

Thursday had us exhausted and hardly able to walk!  Our feet hurt, our backs hurt.. everything hurt! Sleeping on those hard mattresses didn’t help at all.  We decided to just take our time going home instead of going back into the city then trying to find our way back home.  Of course we had to stop back by Carlo’s Bakery, ya know get some goodies for the road and some cupcakes for the kids.  We laughed and enjoyed our slow ride home..

TWINS!!!  She is my sister.. my best friend.. my soul mate (in friends).. I thank God for her every day… She’ll never know just how thankful I am for her.. for her friendship and her love… she’s my anchor when my waters are rough.. my sunshine when it rains…and my blanket when I’m cold.  I love her and.. I LOVE NEW YORK!!!  I can’t wait to get back!

 

 

 

 

Poltergeist Remake Review

So over a year ago my husband and I were at the theater when we saw a preview for the new Poltergeist movie coming out.  Oh I was so excited.  I kept thinking “Oh.. they better make an awesome clown scene.  With today’s special effects they could do Amazing things.    So we waited patiently for it to come out.  Finally… it was here.. We joyfully handed over our bazillion dollars for two tickets and some popcorn and drinks (soda for him, water for me) and settled in to watch it.  I was completely pissed off and disappointed when it was over.  They completely ruined their chance at greatness with this remake!  The clown scene was stupid, there was this tiny closet in the boy’s room filled with clowns but they never explained why.. yeah I was mad.

So today I’ve decided since it’s on demand for free I will watch it again to see if I’ve missed something.  I’m going to review it as it goes along.

Right out of the starting gate… the realtor is telling them the tree has been there longer then anything else in the neighborhood… it’s a weeping willow… UH NO.. the original tree was an oak.. A mighty oak with solid branches, at least that’s what kind it looks like to me.  I’ve been unable to find the exact kind online.  They only threw this line in there to make the “tree scene” understandable later on in the movie.  Also, it’s the middle child who has the “abilities”.. but the main point in the original is Carol Ann was born in the house and had the physic connection with the house.  If you aren’t going to somewhat follow the concept of the movie, then it shouldn’t be a “remake” but a “sequel”.

The little girl in the movie (kinda has the same eye’s as Carol Ann) does have some abilities, as she talks with unseen people.  They play with her to lure her and her brother in.  So they are using the littlest one to get to the middle child who has the abilities.  If you remember, Robbie (who is the middle child in the original) actual leaves to go stay with his grandma to get away from it because he’s terrified.  Also…. if it’s a remake, why do they all have different names?  I swear this should have been a sequel and not a remake.  The boy “Griffin” is laying in his bed when he hears some music playing.  He goes to investigate when he finds a hidden little cubby and pulls a string and all these clowns fall down.  Why?  Why were all those clowns hidden in there?  What’s the back story to that?  There is none.. they just threw those in there so they could have the clown scene later.  The dad,  “Eric” just tells the son “people collect weird things”… and son after a squirrel tears off out of the closet and around the room.

The whole concept of the original movie was the spirits wanted Carol Ann’s life force.  Carol Ann and her mother were sensitives, which is why they were affected and not the men (or the oldest sister).  This movie makes it seem as though it’s just a mean poltergeist trying to hurt them.. for no other reason then to hurt them.

The dad in this one… well he’s kind of an ass.  He’s not the fine upstanding family man that the original one was.

Now the dinner scene.. they are telling the family that back in the 90’s they had family that lived there and they wouldn’t go see them because of the whole “cemetery” thing.  They go on to explain that the builders moved the cemetery and built the houses.. and the Bowen’s tell them the realtor never mentioned it.  So wait.. is this a remake or a sequel?  If it’s a remake then they shouldn’t know the house was built on a cemetery.. but if it’s a sequel why was it billed as a remake?

Now had this been an original film.. it might have been pretty good… but this was a remake and in my opinion not a very good one. Yes they paid homage to the original in many different ways but there are just too many “put there on purpose” things to make you realize this is a remake.. because with out them you wouldn’t know.

Madison walks into the closet on her own accord to get her stuffed animal… that’s not how it’s supposed to be.  They take her to get her life force, she doesn’t just offer it to them. The parents are very “calm” after they discover her in the TV, especially the father.  Remember I said he’s an ass.. I stand by that.

Now we get into the really stupid part of this remake.  They bring in the TV personality to “clean the house”.  In the original they are filming the process but for research purposes.  In this movie after they go to the college to get the help of the paranormal researchers (the mother went to that college, that’s how she knew to go there) the main researcher brings in her ex husband.. who happens to be a famous “ghosts hunter”.  Instead of the infamous steak and chicken scene followed by the face tearing off scene, this time we get the father vomiting worms and seeing black ooze coming out of his eye’s and nose in the reflection of the faucet.  Man.. they could have done some amazing effects w/ the whole face falling off scene… so disappointed.

I will say the closet scene where the jerk researcher almost had his head drilled into.. that was pretty cool.  He got what he deserved.

In this version, we actually see the girl (well her shadow) in the house.  It’s not just her voice through the TV.  Of course when the dad follows it upstairs, it’s not really her, it’s a scary demon like child that attacks him.

Now, when the “cleaner” comes in, Carrigan goes up to the room and opens the door… where were the flying toys?  Yeah yeah I know that they didn’t have to put every scene in but c’mon.. that was a classic scene.  Carrigan tells the family that he doesn’t think they did move the bodies when they moved the headstones.  That’s not how the family was supposed to find out.. bodies were supposed to pop up out of the ground!

When they start the process to getting Maddy back they give everyone a GPS tracker… umm how is that going to help if you go into purgatory?  I mean my GPS loses signal in the dead zone down the street from here.. how the hell are they going to get a signal there if I can’t get one in the middle of a huge city?  Then they decide to get the drone the father bought for the son, even though they are broke and he’s been out of work (I’ll touch on this more in a few minutes) into the closet.  Now how are they going to control the drone in another dimension?  I’m pretty sure the one’s you can buy at Target aren’t quite as good as the military ones.  I do like the special effects though when they are looking through the drone into purgatory.  That’s pretty cool.  As they are all fighting over who goes into get get Maddison, Griffin decides to go in.  He grabs the rope and in he goes.  The parents just stand there screaming.. oh hell no.. I’d have gone in after him.   Okay, when I saw this in the theater I thought maybe I missed a part.. maybe went to the bathroom or my kid called and I stepped out to answer the phone, but watching it again right now… nope.. I didn’t miss any part.  They messed up!  The scene where Eric tells Amy that everything is going to be alright and to go downstairs and wait at the rope, after she leaves he tells Carrigan this better work.  He tells Carrigan to tell them to let Maddy go since he can talk to them.  It shows Carrigan talking to them, telling them (into the closet) to let the child go, she’s done no harm.  Next they show Griffin in purgatory with Maddy who is telling him they will never let her go, it’s then we see the ghostly figures grabbing the rope and tearing at it.  It goes back to the bedroom where Eric and Carrigan are and the rope is coming out of the wall and Carrigan is laying on the floor beside Eric as if maybe the giant face from the original one jumped out and threw him backwards??? Except in this version, they don’t explain or show how he ended up on the floor behind and to the side of Eric when he was originally in front of Eric at the opening of the closet.  Good to know I didn’t go crazy there thinking I was just missing something.

Okay.. so the family gets out.. they are in the car getting ready to leave when the oldest daughter asks Carrigan to say the line “the house is clean”.. thats when the Maddy says the house isn’t clean… that they didn’t go into the light because she didn’t go into the light. The SUV they are in suddenly gets battered and flung upside down into the house.  The realize Maddy isn’t in the car when they see her on the floor where she’s picked up and flung upstairs.  The special effects fo the bodies coming out of the closet to get her are wickedly awesome.  Carrigan is outside telling the spirits to release their hold on the family.. makes me think of the Omen.  Carrigan admits to Brook (a researcher who happens to be his ex wife) that he’s tired of faking it for the camera’s and goes in to save the family.  Eric manages to get his family out when the window shuts on him.  AS the house is caving in on itself he see Carrigan in the house who tells Eric he has a job to do and evaporates into the closet.  They start to get into Brooks car to leave and that’s when the house explodes and the bodies start coming out of the ground and all hell starts breaking loose in the neighborhood.  As the researchers are looking the camera they see the GPS lighting up.

Now they are looking at a new house and the realtor says “There’s lots of closet space” when Maddy says “Our last closet ate me”.. as the realtor is talking about the house and mentions the tree she turns to see that the family is gone.

Okay, so let me touch on the part of the father like I said I would.  He’s been out of work for months since he was fired from the John Deere factory.  The mother is a stay at home mom (writer who says she isn’t writing) and they have no income coming in. He goes to the store to buy stuff to make squirrel traps where 2 credit cards are over the limit before the third one finally works.  That day he comes home with a new phone for the teen daughter because hers fried (she blamed Griffin but you know it’s the poltergeist even though they never say it) and the drone for the boy and pizza for Madison and a Pandora Jewelry for the mom.  First off, how?  How did he afford to get all of this when he already had 2 credit cards that were maxed out and a third that barely worked for the squirrel traps.  Secondly, Why?  Why would anyone go on a shopping spree if you’re out of money and out of work?  I am currently not working due to medical reasons and my husband’s pay barely pays our bills after the court ordered alimony and child support comes out.  There are many times I’d like to just go buy my kids things, but a) I can’t because we have no credit and b) I wouldn’t even if we did have the credit because I think things like rent and electric and groceries are more important then phones, drones and jewelry!  That part made no sense to me.

The movie ends with Brook and Carrigan are now working together to film their show.

The original movie is supposedly haunted as many people were injured or died shortly after the making of it.  The role of Carol Ann was played by Heather O’Rouke who died at just 12 years old.

“When filming was completed in June, Heather and her family went on a road trip from Chicago, to New Orleans, to Orlando and all the way back to Lakeside where they lived at the time. Heather was well until January 31, 1988, Super Bowl Sunday. She was unable to keep anything in her stomach and crawled into bed with her parents that night, saying that she didn’t feel well. The next morning, February 1, sitting at the breakfast table, she couldn’t swallow her toast or Gatorade. Her mother noticed her fingers were blue and her hands were cold. Kathleen called the doctor’s and was getting ready to put her clothes on when Heather fainted on the kitchen floor. When the paramedics came in, Heather insisted that she was “really okay” and was worried about missing school that day. In the ambulance, Heather suffered cardiac arrest and died on the operating table at 2:43 p.m. at the tender age of 12. Of all her achievements, Heather was proudest of being elected student body president of her 5th grade class in 1985.”

The role of Dana Freeling was played by Dominique Dunne who was strangled to death by her boyfriend at the age of 22.

“Then, at a party she met John Thomas Sweeney, the chef at popular LA nightspot Ma Maison. The two began a relationship, which turned stormy. Sweeney was uncontrollable and abusive (so abusive that Dominique did not need makeup to play the role of an abuse victim on Hill Street Blues (1981)). Dominique ended the relationship on October 30, 1982. That same night, a distraught Sweeney raced to her house, where she and actor David Packer were rehearsing a scene from V: The Final Battle (1984), dragged her outside, and strangled her, leaving her brain dead. Five days later, she was removed from life support and died, cutting short a brilliant career and leaving behind scores of shocked and angry loved ones.”

This movie is really their legacy.  They both died so very young that they didn’t get a chance to make more of a mark in this world, which is very sad.  The original Poltergeist to this day still gets me, especially knowing so many died that were in it or in the making of it.  I feel this remake failed them and did not do justice to what could have been.

If you liked this remake.. I’m happy that you did.  My husband enjoyed it.  I however did not, and that’s my opinion that I have a right to.  I mainly wrote this for those who haven’t seen it yet to let them know about it.  I’m not saying don’t see it.. I”m just saying go in knowing its nowhere near as good as the original.  And on that note.. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY… PLEASE… STOP MAKING REMAKES.  They are now in the works of remaking “Dirty Dancing” “Roadhouse” “Ghostsbusters” (not the all female version, that’s a sequel) and I’ve heard maybe even Grease… really Hollywood… can’t you come up with any new ideas?   We see how well the remakes are doing, any body remember “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?”  (btw.. Charlie now plays Norman Bates on Bates Motel)…

 

 

 

GASP… How dare I show a woman’s nipple/breast on Facebook!

So a couple of days ago I posted a story about a beautiful art project that was done by Jade Beall Titled “A Beautiful Body”.  It’s pictures of women who have had children and show’s their bodies in all their natural glory!  These pictures are beautiful and untouched and I posted the article because I completely stand behind what this artist is trying to do, and guess what Facebook did because I posted this?  THE BLOCKED FROM FACEBOOK FOR 24 HOURS BECAUSE OF THE NUDITY.  The pictures show women’s breast.. GASP.. how dare you display a woman’s breast or nipple in a public forum!

As someone who suffers greatly from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd) I am constantly comparing my body to every other woman I see and frankly, the images that the media puts out there makes this a set up for constant failure and hatred of myself even more.  This woman is out to “heal” the damage that has been done. Here are a few of the pictures that Jade displayed in this project.

 

 

 

 

 

I think these images are pure beauty.  They show the world what most women look like.  They showed me that my tummy looks a lot like the women in this picture.  I loved this so much that I couldn’t wait to share it.  I didn’t realize that Mark Zuckerberg and his entire company are still in the dark ages where it’s completely immoral and poor taste to see a woman’s body.  Well, not body but nipples.  I mean seriously????  How many men post pictures of themselves shirtless in the summer time at the beach or pool side and frankly they have larger cup size boobs then I do!!!  Why is it fair that we are forced to see some fat ugly out shape hairy guy with size D moobs with nips and all but we can’t see a woman’s?  Is it because a woman can breast feed and because milk may come out of them it’s just to taboo?  Is it because they are considered sexual?  Or is it because these women don’t have perfect bodies with flat stomachs and no stretch marks and their boobs aren’t perky and saline filled?  I think that this is just ridiculous that in 2015 we are still having this battle.

So to Facebook I say FU!  Get over you’re 1950’s way of thinking.  THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT A WOMAN’S BODY THAT SHOULD BE VIEWED AS SHAMEFUL AND HAVE TO BE HIDDEN.

If you’d like to check out the entire art project click the link below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/24/a-beautiful-body-book-project-jade-beall-photos_n_3467178.html

My latest paintings

So I painted a couple more things… and guess what.. I SOLD ONE!!!  Well.. I’m actually going to repaint it in her chosen color scheme.. but still.. I sold one.. woot woot.. go me..

 

The butterfly one isn’t complete yet..  I got a little more to do on it.

My goal for Old Age!

• 

No Shame In My Game

In today’s society it seems that it’s more important to be skinny and perfect looking with a fit and fabulous body then it is to be well educated, polite, kind and giving.  It’s really sad when you think about it, but it’s our own fault because we “buy” into it by spending our money on the photo shopped pictures in the magazines, the billions we spend on diet fads and so on.

When I was 270 pounds I covered up everything.  I rarely wore shorts, always long T-Shirts that went to my thighs to make sure none of my belly was ever seen!  I didn’t even really wear flip flops because I didn’t want anyone to see my fat feet.  Almost 4 years ago I took drastic measures to get the weight off (for health reasons, not cosmetic) and had the Gastric Bypass.  After losing more then a hundred pounds I was left looking fantastic!!!  In clothes only.  Naked was a totally different story.  My thighs looked like a helium balloon that had deflated to the point that it barely had any air in it.  My boobs, which were never that great to begin with, they looked like they’d been stuck in a Mammogram machine for a couple of weeks.  Deflated and floppy!  My saving grace on that was I was never well endowed up top anyways so at least they hang to my belly button!  My belly, omg I can’t even begin to describe the total and complete disgrace I felt when looking at it!  I mean at least when I was fat it was filled out, now it looks like bread dough that has risen then punched back down!  I literally wanted to cry every time I saw myself naked and I truly did not want my husband to see my ugly gut!  One day however I decided that I would step outside my comfort zone and bought a bikini.  Of course I still bought swim shorts instead of a bikini bottom (I can’t show those thighs in public.. I just can’t).

I still despise my stomach and thighs (my boobs are better since I’ve put back on a few pounds) but I’m not going to hide it anymore.  This body is my body and it’s the only one I have.  It gets me up every morning and it keeps me going every day.  It’s housed 2 little humans for 9 months and 4 others for 8 to 10 weeks.  It has survived 8 abdominal surgeries, 4 of which have been in the last 3 1/2 years.  So I’m going to show you all what a body looks like that has gone from a size 24 to a size 6/8 and has had numerous medical procedures done on it.  Why?  So other women and men will hopefully see it and decide that they shouldn’t feel shame about what their bodies look like.  Maybe someone has a stomach that looks like mine too.  The fact is, weighing 145 pounds doesn’t make you feel any closer to “Looking like the media says you should” then weighting 245 pounds does.  What they show is not real. It’s photo shopped, it’s plastic surgery, it’s botox.. it’s anything but natural.

 

You can see that I am still swollen from the last surgery that was just a few short weeks ago, but the lumpiness will never go away.  I have too many “indented” scars to ever have a flat stomach.  My belly button is anything but a button!  It now looks like a slit thanks to the gallbladder surgery back in 97.  I will tell you though, my youngest kitty loves my tummy.  She climbs up on me and starts kneading it like bread dough, curls up and goes sound to sleep on it!  And I know that if I had a baby right now, that baby would sleep comfortably on my tummy because it’s as squishy as a pillow!  This summer I will be pool side in my bikini top and swim shorts and I’m not going to worry one little bit about what anyone thinks.

http://www.gofundme.com/l15zms

 

I am still asking for help so please feel free to share this with everyone.  Medical bills are starting to come in and life is happening and we are down to half a pay for 4 to survive on.  Thank you for any and all help.

28 Days Til Spring

 

I ask myself this question every winter!!! Every winter I say I’m moving back south…. so I’ll say it again.. I’m moving back down south.

 

Here works for me!

My Crush of the Month for October 2014

What better way to celebrate the month of Halloween and spoke than with my crush of the month being someone who plays the part of character that is synonymous is with Halloween.  This particular story is one that as children we couldn’t wait for October to roll around so we could see this cartoon in school, and sometime on TV.  This months crush is the actor who plays Ichabod Crane

okay.. not him.. but him.. Tom Mison

Don’t recognize him?  How bout this one…

Yeah.. now you know who he is!  Tom Mison plays Ichabod Crane on the hit show “Sleepy Hollow”.  He is the whole package, tall, fit, handsome.. and his character is a true gentleman.  If you don’t watch the show, you really should!  So for this month…

24 Things only Anxious People Will Understand.. to true.

I came across this article from BuzzFeed today and had to giggle.  You see I suffer from anxiety disorder and I completely agreed with every single thing they said.  Here is the link to the article for you to check out.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/things-only-anxious-people-will-understand?bffb&utm_term=4ldqpgp#18wtwae

I decided to go down the list and let you know how I agree from my perspective… give you some glimpse of the craziness that goes on in my brain!

1. You have a constant feeling of unease..

.  YES and those days where you have this feeling that something horrific is going to happen you walk around thinking the phone is going to go off at any moment and it’s going to be the absolute worse thing ever!  Or, God forbid something good happens because then you walk around waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop on your head!

2. Your anxiety causes actual physical discomfort and pain.

This is the absolute truth.  I constantly have headaches, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts.  There are days I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.

3. Which at its worst turns into a full-blown panic attack.

Luckily as I’ve gotten older the panic attacks have become fewer and fewer.  I remember the worse one I ever had was after my son was born.  He was lets say a handful to handle when he was younger (severe ADHD, ODD, Aspergers, OCD traits, it wasn’t easy) and we were at the grocery store one day.  The stimulation was too much for him and he lost it, screaming and crying, throwing things out of the cart onto the floor.  The entire store watching my every move, judging me as the worst parent ever, not knowing if I should ignore the behavior, spank him or what.  I couldn’t get out of the store fast enough and ended up dropping to the floor and crying and feeling like I was having a heart attack.  Luckily there was this older woman who must have known what I was dealing with because she ran up to me (butting through the people screaming I was having a heart attack call 911 which just made it worse) and told everyone to get back and give me air.  She gave my son a piece of candy and talked calmly and quietly to me telling me to just breath through it. After I regained my composure she walked me to my car and told me “Just remember honey.. that baby is a precious gift.  He may try you at times but his love for you will be deep as yours for him”… she hugged me and I went on my way.  I rarely took my son to the store w/ me again.

4. Your mind is constantly racing.

Imagine my brain is like a NASCAR race going 200 mph around the track, then for shits and giggles, through in oh 10 or 15 other cars heading in the opposite direction weaving in and out of the racers.. yeah.. that’s my brain.  24/7.  It never stops.

5. And you’re always second-guessing yourself.

Oh lord.. this can range from life changing decisions to “I turned off the stove, didn’t I?”.

6. Seriously you question EVERYTHING.

Not only do I question everything.. I’ve taught my kids to question everything and I usually turn those questions into “What if” questions.  Which drives my husband utterly insane.

7. You have zero ability to switch off.

Even on sleeping pills I find I wake up in the middle of night thinking about things that I did, have to do, didn’t do, need to do ect.  Watching TV or listening to the radio I have those pesky thoughts in the back of my head going “You really need to go do this”.. Hell, sitting here writing this I’m thinking of 5 other things!

8. Feel like watching a funny movie? NOPE.

Now I guess I’m a little different here because I truly enjoy a good funny movie.  It takes my mind off the self loathing thing for a little while.

9. Want to catch up on some sleep? NOPE.

Not without medication, and as I stated early even that doesn’t keep me snoozing!I take a sleeping pill with a muscle relaxer and sometimes pain pill and I’ll still wake up seven times a night!

10. Having an interesting conversation with a friend? NOPE.

I have no problem w/ this one either.  I love having conversations with my friends. Of course they have to be able to keep up with me.

11. You get anxiety about anxiety.

Oh yes!  If everything is going smoothly I will start to worry something is fixing to happen.  It’s that whole other shoe dropping thing.  My husband tells me all the time I find things to worry about, and I do.

12. You are never really ~in the moment~.

What is this living in the moment thing?  I have no clue what that is!  None..

13. Trying to make a decision is excruciatingly painful.

Naw.. I’m good with making decisions.  I’m a Virgo and crave control so it’s nice and easy for me to tell people what we are doing!

14. And even when you make a decision you immediately worry if it was the right one.

Now this one is true.  Oh crap, what if I chose the wrong place to eat and we all get food poisoning.  If we buy this here I’m sure we’ll find it cheaper somewhere else!  Now I won’t be able to pay my rent since I bought this $39.00 pair of shoe’s!

15. It takes forever for you to do anything because you’re frequently lost inside your own head.

Nope.. I get shit done!  I stress on it until I have it done.

16. You’re exhausted. All. The. Time.

God yes!  My favorite saying.. “I’m much to young to feel this damn old”… some days I feel like I could sleep for a month.  Of course I can’t but it would be nice.

17. You find yourself in the bizarre situation of not being able to trust your own brain.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve ended up somewhere thinking.. how the hell did I get into this mess.

18. Then you’re faced with the difficult prospect of trying to combat your anxiety with the very thing that is causing it.

I’m in therapy for this!

19. Well-meaning people try to help, but sometimes make it worse.

YES.  My husband especially.  He’ll say things like “Just don’t worry” or “it’ll work out, I don’t know how it just will”.. you can’t tell someone like me these 2 things.. you just can’t.

20. People who DON’T mean well make it a lot worse.

Both of my ex’s.  “Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to get this done”.. or “You are the worst ever”.. heard all of it.

21. You really worry about being a burden on the people you love.

This one is really difficult because I have days where I find myself literally trying to push my loved ones away from me.  I’ve had more days where my brain has told me that if I just killed myself everyone I loved would be so much better off.    Just recently on one of my bad days I held the tip of a knife to my wrist and wondered would it hurt?  would it be quick?  Would they miss me if I was gone?  It’s truly a horrible thing to feel.

22. You want nothing more than to just stop worrying but you literally can’t.

My new years resolution this year was to just be happy.  I’m still working on that.

23. You know there are things that could help your anxiety, but you feel anxious about trying them.

I can sum this up for you.  All medications for this are WEIGHT GAINING MEDICATIONS.. I won’t take them!

24. Finally, there’s the relief of being able to talk to someone about your worries and knowing they totally understand.

I have my therapist, but honestly sometimes I feel like even she’s getting tired of me.

If you need to talk to someone, you can call Beyond Blue Australia on 1300 22 4636, Anxiety UK on 08444 775 774 or Hopeline America on 1800 784 2433.

My Crush of the Month for June 2014

I’m so excited for this months crush.. .why you ask?  Because it’s a NEW crush.  It’s not someone who has been around for years and years… and it’s not someone that makes me feel like cougar for crushing on him.  I discovered his hotness when my husband got me interested in the TV Series Grimm, which is amazing in case you haven’t started watching it.. you should! This man speaks different languages in real life and on the show.. his body is AMAZING… he’s tall.. oh I could keep going on but I’ll stop now.. I’m at work!!

 

So here ya go.. enjoy

Sasha Rioz is a rising star… According to IMDb he’s been acting since 2001.. and I really hope he has a very long and successful career.  And of course.. is in ANYTHING that takes his shirt off and has him speak Russian/French whatever!