I came across this article from BuzzFeed today and had to giggle. You see I suffer from anxiety disorder and I completely agreed with every single thing they said. Here is the link to the article for you to check out.
I decided to go down the list and let you know how I agree from my perspective… give you some glimpse of the craziness that goes on in my brain!
1. You have a constant feeling of unease..
. YES and those days where you have this feeling that something horrific is going to happen you walk around thinking the phone is going to go off at any moment and it’s going to be the absolute worse thing ever! Or, God forbid something good happens because then you walk around waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop on your head!
2. Your anxiety causes actual physical discomfort and pain.
This is the absolute truth. I constantly have headaches, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts. There are days I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.
3. Which at its worst turns into a full-blown panic attack.
Luckily as I’ve gotten older the panic attacks have become fewer and fewer. I remember the worse one I ever had was after my son was born. He was lets say a handful to handle when he was younger (severe ADHD, ODD, Aspergers, OCD traits, it wasn’t easy) and we were at the grocery store one day. The stimulation was too much for him and he lost it, screaming and crying, throwing things out of the cart onto the floor. The entire store watching my every move, judging me as the worst parent ever, not knowing if I should ignore the behavior, spank him or what. I couldn’t get out of the store fast enough and ended up dropping to the floor and crying and feeling like I was having a heart attack. Luckily there was this older woman who must have known what I was dealing with because she ran up to me (butting through the people screaming I was having a heart attack call 911 which just made it worse) and told everyone to get back and give me air. She gave my son a piece of candy and talked calmly and quietly to me telling me to just breath through it. After I regained my composure she walked me to my car and told me “Just remember honey.. that baby is a precious gift. He may try you at times but his love for you will be deep as yours for him”… she hugged me and I went on my way. I rarely took my son to the store w/ me again.
4. Your mind is constantly racing.
Imagine my brain is like a NASCAR race going 200 mph around the track, then for shits and giggles, through in oh 10 or 15 other cars heading in the opposite direction weaving in and out of the racers.. yeah.. that’s my brain. 24/7. It never stops.
5. And you’re always second-guessing yourself.
Oh lord.. this can range from life changing decisions to “I turned off the stove, didn’t I?”.
6. Seriously you question EVERYTHING.
Not only do I question everything.. I’ve taught my kids to question everything and I usually turn those questions into “What if” questions. Which drives my husband utterly insane.
7. You have zero ability to switch off.
Even on sleeping pills I find I wake up in the middle of night thinking about things that I did, have to do, didn’t do, need to do ect. Watching TV or listening to the radio I have those pesky thoughts in the back of my head going “You really need to go do this”.. Hell, sitting here writing this I’m thinking of 5 other things!
8. Feel like watching a funny movie? NOPE.
Now I guess I’m a little different here because I truly enjoy a good funny movie. It takes my mind off the self loathing thing for a little while.
9. Want to catch up on some sleep? NOPE.
Not without medication, and as I stated early even that doesn’t keep me snoozing!I take a sleeping pill with a muscle relaxer and sometimes pain pill and I’ll still wake up seven times a night!
10. Having an interesting conversation with a friend? NOPE.
I have no problem w/ this one either. I love having conversations with my friends. Of course they have to be able to keep up with me.
11. You get anxiety about anxiety.
Oh yes! If everything is going smoothly I will start to worry something is fixing to happen. It’s that whole other shoe dropping thing. My husband tells me all the time I find things to worry about, and I do.
12. You are never really ~in the moment~.
What is this living in the moment thing? I have no clue what that is! None..
13. Trying to make a decision is excruciatingly painful.
Naw.. I’m good with making decisions. I’m a Virgo and crave control so it’s nice and easy for me to tell people what we are doing!
14. And even when you make a decision you immediately worry if it was the right one.
Now this one is true. Oh crap, what if I chose the wrong place to eat and we all get food poisoning. If we buy this here I’m sure we’ll find it cheaper somewhere else! Now I won’t be able to pay my rent since I bought this $39.00 pair of shoe’s!
15. It takes forever for you to do anything because you’re frequently lost inside your own head.
Nope.. I get shit done! I stress on it until I have it done.
16. You’re exhausted. All. The. Time.
God yes! My favorite saying.. “I’m much to young to feel this damn old”… some days I feel like I could sleep for a month. Of course I can’t but it would be nice.
17. You find yourself in the bizarre situation of not being able to trust your own brain.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve ended up somewhere thinking.. how the hell did I get into this mess.
18. Then you’re faced with the difficult prospect of trying to combat your anxiety with the very thing that is causing it.
I’m in therapy for this!
19. Well-meaning people try to help, but sometimes make it worse.
YES. My husband especially. He’ll say things like “Just don’t worry” or “it’ll work out, I don’t know how it just will”.. you can’t tell someone like me these 2 things.. you just can’t.
20. People who DON’T mean well make it a lot worse.
Both of my ex’s. “Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to get this done”.. or “You are the worst ever”.. heard all of it.
21. You really worry about being a burden on the people you love.
This one is really difficult because I have days where I find myself literally trying to push my loved ones away from me. I’ve had more days where my brain has told me that if I just killed myself everyone I loved would be so much better off. Just recently on one of my bad days I held the tip of a knife to my wrist and wondered would it hurt? would it be quick? Would they miss me if I was gone? It’s truly a horrible thing to feel.
22. You want nothing more than to just stop worrying but you literally can’t.
My new years resolution this year was to just be happy. I’m still working on that.
23. You know there are things that could help your anxiety, but you feel anxious about trying them.
I can sum this up for you. All medications for this are WEIGHT GAINING MEDICATIONS.. I won’t take them!
24. Finally, there’s the relief of being able to talk to someone about your worries and knowing they totally understand.
I have my therapist, but honestly sometimes I feel like even she’s getting tired of me.