My Crush of the Month for July

•July 15, 2014 • 1 Comment

I haven’t really been crushing on anyone so I’m a little late on this one.  If you have followed me you know that I have a thing for blondes.  This one is just so cute!  She has an amazing voice.. and she can either be the girl next door or the sexy vindictive bitch who will mess you up!

 

None other then Carrie Underwood (kinda cool that my maiden name is the same)

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Confessions of an Angry Heart

•July 15, 2014 • 3 Comments

sad_heart_by_cats0448-d31d5f0I felt like it was time to confess some things.. to get the weight off my heart and shoulders because it has been weighing me down so much.  So here it is.. my confession

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1)  You’re always so angry-  False.  Anger is an emotion that stems from hurt or fear.  I have been hurt so many times and I live in fear of it happening again, because it always does.

2) You prefer to live angry -  again this is false.  I yearn to be happy, to be carefree and full of love.  I long for the days of knowing tears of joy instead of tears of pain.

3) You’re always so cold – False..  I am not cold, I am guarded.  I love deeply and because I do I hurt just as deeply.  I have been played with so many times that the walls are now up just to protect myself, not to be mean to anyone else.

4) You’re never happy -   This is partially true.  For me it’s scary to be happy because happiness never lasts.  Now for most people when something happens it kinda knocks them down for a little bit but then life straightens out and they get up and keep going.  For me, life doesn’t just knock me down a lil’.  It slams me to the ground then for shits and giggles it decides to stomp all over me, add a little salt to the wound and laugh at the tears that fall down my owners face.  This isn’t something that happened just once or twice, no it’s happened over and over again my entire beating life.  So now my owner stays weary of “blessings” because that signals to my friend the brain that something wicked this way comes.  It’s a learned response. 

5) You just want pity from people – FALSE.  I do not want nor need nor desire pity from anyone.  My owner is strong, she works hard to make her way in this world and doesn’t ask for handouts.  All she wants is for people to treat me the way she treats their hearts.  It’s really not to much to ask for, but for her it just doesn’t seem to happen.

6) You’re incapable of “real” love -  this one is false too.  I have known “real” love many times and in many forms.  I’m happiest when that love show’s the lighter side of it, but sadly, the darker side of it usually show’s itself sooner rather then later.  Sometimes I have been able to come back from that darker side a little warn for wear but still beating and still loving.. but most times I come out broken and battered and made that much more afraid of happiness.

 

My owner…she’s one of a kind.  She appears so strong to so many but I know her personally… she’s not as strong as they think anymore.. she’s tired, we’re tired.  She lays her head on her pillow at night and after she prays that all of her family and friends stay safe and healthy and the all return to her the next day.. she only asks for one thing for herself… for happiness…so you see.. she’s not angry… she lives in fear.  So the next time you think that she is just this angry person.. remind yourself that she only wants to smile…

 

 

 

My Crush of the Month for June 2014

•June 9, 2014 • 2 Comments

I’m so excited for this months crush.. .why you ask?  Because it’s a NEW crush.  It’s not someone who has been around for years and years… and it’s not someone that makes me feel like cougar for crushing on him.  I discovered his hotness when my husband got me interested in the TV Series Grimm, which is amazing in case you haven’t started watching it.. you should! This man speaks different languages in real life and on the show.. his body is AMAZING… he’s tall.. oh I could keep going on but I’ll stop now.. I’m at work!!

 

So here ya go.. enjoy

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Sasha Rioz is a rising star… According to IMDb he’s been acting since 2001.. and I really hope he has a very long and successful career.  And of course.. is in ANYTHING that takes his shirt off and has him speak Russian/French whatever!

My Crush of the Month for May 2014

•May 7, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Hi all.. yeah yeah I know.. I’m still MIA… I’m sorry.. I really am working on some stuff in my head so I can get back to writing.. I promise.  Until then.. here is my crush of the month pick for May.  I chose this person in honor of my sister who is battling cancer for the 3rd time!  She is accepting donations to help her pay for all the radiation treatments and chemo treatments and to just be able to feed her 3 babies!  Here is the link to her page, please please help her out.. share her story.. her link.

http://www.gofundme.com/KickCancerWithNikki

 

So for you Nikki….

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Lynda Carter is one of those timeless beauties who age so well you almost kinda hate them for it! :-)  I remember watching her show as a child and just being stunned by her beauty.

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Just amazing!

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ROCK THAT OUTFIT!!

 

 

My crush of the month for April

•April 14, 2014 • 1 Comment

Well.. I’m a little late on the crush blog again this month.. man.. my mind just isn’t where it should be.  Okay, so my crush of the month for April is an older actor but he’s still just as cute as he can be.  I’ve seen almost every movie he’s ever been in and I personally think he is one of the greatest actors of all time!  Is he drop dead gorgeous?  No, he’s no Dwayne Johnson but his personality just shine’s through making him crush worthy!

 

So.. for the month of April my crush is..Tom Hanks!

Bosom Buddies Days.. where my love for him started.

Bosom Buddies Days.. where my love for him started.

 

Oh yeah.. looking good here!

Oh yeah.. looking good here!

 

Even with the gray's he's still good looking.

Even with the gray’s he’s still good looking.

 

Extremely handsome here.

Extremely handsome here.

 

There is just something about him that makes you smile.. that makes you think that you could be happily married to him.  He is an all around great guy and role model.  So Mr. Hanks… from your loyal fan of 30+ years.. Thank you for all that you have done!

Vulnerable? Not this chick!

•March 30, 2014 • 3 Comments

If you’ve followed my posts you know that I am seriously screwed up in the head, but that I’m working on getting it all straightened out.  Last week I had to go see a psychiatrist at the request of my pain management doctor.  He wanted me to see this guy because he specializes in dealing drugs out to people who live w/ chronic pain.  I didn’t realize that he was the Chief of Psychiatry when I went so when I got there and found out I wasn’t sure what to think about it, I mean.. am I so crazy that I need the CHIEF of the entire department at Walter Reed? Or, is it just this guy see’s everyone who is referred there.  Either way I was there and had to tell my life story in the abbreviated version to explain why I had chronic pain and needed his help.  Let me start by saying I was already very annoyed when he called me back into his office a full 50 mins after my appointment time.  Lets just say that waiting is number 1 on my list of pet peeves.  It always has been and the older I get the more I realize, it’s always going to be!  Within the first 3 minutes of the visit he flat out said “You are very stressed out, I can see it in your eye’s”.  Well yeah, I drove through the winter hell for 2 and half hours to get here to sit and wait almost an hour to see you.  Ya think! D’uh.

Anyways, after an hour in there he started asking me to do these breathing techniques with him.  Oh, I forgot to tell you that he found me so interesting that he a) asked if I could be a teaching case and then b) called in two of his students to hear my story.  So back to the breathing, okay so he had me look up at the ceiling, then slowly close my eye’s (which was very hard to do) then he had me breathe deep, hold my breath while he counted down from 5, then again from 10 then again from 5.  He asked how that made me feel, I told him it made my head hurt.  He asked if I was prone to migraines, well of course I am.  So then he had me do it again, this time without looking up at the ceiling.  While I had my eye’s closed he was steady talking.. “take a deep breath, make yourself feel vulnerable”.. SHRIEKKKKK…that just made me cringe.. he kept telling me.. “open yourself up, let yourself feel vulnerable”… After he counted down from the 5 then 10 then 5 again he had me open my eye’s and asked me “how did that make you feel”… I am an honest person so I said “Anxious”.  His reply was “Why does THAT make you feel anxious? Is it because there are three grown men in here staring at you while your eye’s are closed?”.  So I told him point blank “No, that’s not it.. its just, Why on earth would anyone want to feel vulnerable?” He found this very interesting.

So it got me to thinking, something I do all the time to the point it drives me insane sometimes.  Why is feeling vulnerable such a bad thing?  There’s nothing wrong with it, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you anything but human, right?  Well to me, it makes you weak.  Kinda like crying, it makes you weak.  After going through everything I’ve gone through, it only makes since that I would find these things completely terrifying.  I guess it’s something more I need to work on.  Maybe one day, I’ll have it all figured out.  Until then, it gives me things to write about.

My Crush of the Month for March 2014

•March 17, 2014 • 8 Comments

OOPS.. my bad!  I forgot to do the crush of the month for this month.  I can explain.. I haven’t felt well at all and my eye’s have been bothering me.  I am sorry though.  So without any further adieu…

My crush of the month for March is!

 

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The always sexy.. always classy… always fun and inspiring… Jennifer Aniston!  This woman has only gotten better looking with age!  Even though her movies have never been major powerhouses… I’ve enjoyed every movie I’ve ever seen her in!  I would date her in an instant!

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wow.. just stunning!

 

 
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